Babies: 6 - 9 Months
ashsteb
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Just in need of a little personal advice...
ashsteb
member
Hello everyone!
Im in need of a little advice again.. Are there any other new moms out their or even moms in general that are raising their children alone because their husband is an over the road truck driver? How do you cope with it? I come from a big family that always sticks together, and although I understand my husbands reasons behind taking this job...it doesnt mean i like the idea. Its not something im used to.
Im in need of a little advice again.. Are there any other new moms out their or even moms in general that are raising their children alone because their husband is an over the road truck driver? How do you cope with it? I come from a big family that always sticks together, and although I understand my husbands reasons behind taking this job...it doesnt mean i like the idea. Its not something im used to.
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Re: Just in need of a little personal advice...
Honestly, we've separated partly because him being gone 3 weeks out of 4 meant that I was doing it all on my own anyways, and when he did get home, he was tired and wouldn't help me out.
Here is my advice: don't expect him to help you. Let him come to it on his terms for a while. Feeling left out of the family dynamics is common when you're gone so long, and being mad at him for being absent when he is there will not help the situation. By not expecting help, you won't be disapointed in him. Might not salvage your relationship, but his help will be even more appreciated and you will instantly feel relieved. I swear.
I've been managing to get through it day by day for almost 9 months by keeping busy. Now more than ever, but even then I focused on "Mommy and me" activities and mommy groups. Lower your standards for the cleaning aspect and focus on your child(ren). Have someone you trust watch him/her/them for a few hours, or even just minutes. Try to sneak in some you-time here and there, take a breather and when your man comes home, let him soak it in.
Have some kind of schedule. I'm not a schedule freak, but seeing that free spot right between "mid-morning bottle" and "2nd load - whites" gives me goosebumps. Looking at the schedule and knowing that on Tuesday pm, I get to share my mishaps with fellow FTM is golden. And that swim cap sticker on the wednesday night spot makes me smile: DS loooves water and it's a fun hour for us.
Take a nap. Seriously. Life saver. Stress management 101: a rested mind is a sane mind. So rest.
Oh, and allow time and space for him to have one on one time with your child(ren). They need it. You need it.
Yes when he comes home he's tired & grouchy but I just tell him to shower then take a nap. After his nap he feels so much better & then plays with the kids.
Do I get aggreviated at him bc he gets a break & I dont? Yes sometimes but that's why I schedule playdates & get out & about every couple days. That helps keep me in a better state of mind.
Would your dh pick a job that keeps him away from his family if he didn't need to so he could support his family? Its hard on our husbands too.
Dont be afraid to ask for help or a break from someone like family, close friends etc.
Good luck!
My hubby is a deployed reservist, and deployed 5 weeks after our son was born. It sucks, but I don't know which lifestyle I'd prefer, one where he's gone entirely for nearly a year, or one where you have to only very sporadically co-parent. I will say that we take whatever family support we can get.
You just deal. What are your alternatives? People tell me all the time they couldn't do what we do, and they wonder how I do it? And I always make nice when I reply, but I sometimes want to say "you're so right. maybe I should just break my vows and divorce him, things would be so much easier."