Don't feed my baby!

Meggiemuggins · December 2013

Today DS and I went to a Christmas party with our parent-infant drop-in group. We knew some of the people there, but a lot of the parents and babies weren't regulars. Anyways, DS is one of the older babies there and was walking around the room greeting everyone. I let him do his thing, keeping an eye on him. At one point he was visiting this one lady and her LO, who was sleeping on the crash mat at her feet. Then she says to me "your baby likes this cake". She'd fed him bites of the piece of cake she was eating! I was p***ed but tried not to show it. I just scooped him up and pretended to laugh it off and went to the other side of the room. OK granted, I could have been watching him more carefully, but still! What if he'd had allergies, or if I just don't want him to eat a store-bought cake that I haven't checked out first????

Our group is extremely multi-cultural so I guess it's possible that in her culture it's NBD to feed a stranger's baby (with your bare fingers - ugh), but it still bugged me. End vent.

tamarar5 · December 2013

I agree that was kind of out of line. I get upset when my FAMILY tries to feed E foods. They always just give him stuff without asking whether he's had it, he can have it, he's allergic, etc. Luckily, the only thing he seems to be allergic to is pears. (WTH? Who's allergic to pears!) I'd be upset too, but probably would have acted the same way as you.

djm31012 · December 2013

Ew that's gross she fed him with her fingers ?! I sometimes wonder what goes thru peoples minds.

jsharkk · December 2013

I know I'm more laid back then most but it wouldn't have bothered me. I kind of gave up on letting things like that bother me because my 19 month old nephew (I live with my sister's family) feeds my DD all the time.

jbatch · December 2013

I'll be honest that would not have bothered me..

tamarar5 · December 2013

I though I would add that we started solids late, so it bothers me when people feel him because a lot of the time it's foods he hasn't had yet.

Rosebean · December 2013

Yep, I gotcha. During a vacation, DHs aunts friend tried to feed DS strawberries. Which was an allergen for DH when he was a baby so we hadn't introduced it yet. I had caught it just in time. Of course, we gave him strawberries later and he was fine, so I kind of felt like a dork about it. It really was NBD in the end. But I remember how I felt initially so I can relate.

djm31012 · December 2013

i think a stranger feeding my son with his fingers is absolutely disgusting. My nieces and nephews dont even bother me as much. coupled with the fact that cake is gluten, eggs and potentially nuts that are all high allergen foods. DS has not had nuts yet but my niece and nephew both have allergies so we are very cautious about which foods we introduce when. It would 100% bother me and im fairly laid back about everything.

Puck1182 · December 2013

This would drive me nuts. I don't think I'd have been able to keep my mouth shut, because of the allergy thing. I know enough young kids with food allergies that I wouldn't DREAM of giving a baby, or even a toddler or younger child, something without checking with a parent first. And not just with the major allergens either. I mean, my nephew was allergic to rice when he was little, who the eff is allergic to rice?

So yeah. I am willing to let a lot of stuff roll off my back, but the food thing is one of two things that I can't really just let go since it's something that could potentially hurt a child. The other is spanking, if someone spanked my kid I'd open a can of whoop-ass on them. If you want to spank your own kid, fine, but don't lay a hand on mine. Although if she's anything like me, I wouldn't have to because she'd beat the crap out of 'em herself. I was a great example of spanking gone horribly wrong, my mom would try to spank me and I would fly into a rage and land more blows than she did. Holy moly, it was bad. My childhood reaction to spankings is why I won't do it and also why I'd probably instinctively react violently to anyone laying a hand on DD. Mama bear would come out big time on that one. At least with the food issue, they'd just get a tongue lashing. :-p

mishka29 · December 2013

Some random stranger feeding your kid? That's a big no no in my book! Family is one thing but someone you don't even know! I'd be very annoyed.

kleigh926 · December 2013

Yeah, feeding a child you don't know is not cool because of food allergies or sensitivities. It's probably something that people who don't have those issues don't think much about. I know that's how I was before I had a kid. I still don't think I would have fed another child something without asking the parents though, especially a baby or young child who can't speak for itself. This just speaks again to the obsession people seem to have with feeding babies and wanting to know what they're eating (formula? breast milk? solids? etc.).

musicalmama5 · December 2013

I would not be OK with it on principle. Like, I'm sure my DS would be fine, but as a stranger, you just don't know that. Babies can have allergies/sensitivities and parents can have ideas about what they want their kids to eat. So it's a boundary thing.

Most of the people I know are very respectful of this and ask before they try and give DS anything.

a13049 · December 2013

I'm weird about people touching my baby still, DH says he can see my skin crawling when old ladies come up and mess with her in the store. I don't mind waving and saying hi and peek a boo, but keep you gross hands off. If stranger would feed DD cake I would have lost it. DD had a reaction to eggs, I'm not sure if cake is ok for her yet, we are waiting because our pediatrician says most LOs grow out of egg allergies. I would have been pissed, though.

draeray · December 2013

It would bother me a little too. My father is staying with us until his house that he is building is finished. He jokes about giving DS Pepsi, Coffee, Cake, etc all the time. He knows it gets under my skin and I don't think he would actually give him soda but I wouldn't put it past him that he is secretly feeding baby cookies and cake all day. We had some people over last night and one of the girls gave Everett a piece of a cookie. Well, he isn't allergic to anything so that was fine, but he hasn't ever had a piece of cookie before so I feel like she took that away from me. I get to give him things for the first time, not you. Blah.

brachysira · December 2013

It would bother me, but when you go out in public with your baby, you have to play it cool. You did the right thing and it seems like it won't come up again. And you're right--it may have been cultural appropriate for this person. No harm no foul.

What irritates me much more is that FIL thinks he needs to force feed my baby. My baby can just about out eat me, and she does not need force feeding, not that I would do that even if she wasn't a good eater. She is a little tentative about new foods and there are a few items she doesn't like, but it's her choice. We let her eat with her hands and she chooses, but 99% of the time she eats what she is given and indicates she wants more. FIL gets in her face and tries to shove spoon or fingers full of food in her mouth. She, of course, turns away, which makes him think he has to try harder. I say, don't, don't, she knows how to feed herself. He doesn't listen. DH and MIL will jump in b/c at least DH knows it bothers me. But it's like he doesn't hear. He is the only person who has ever made DD cry because he is just too in-your-face and doesn't understand letting her have any space or control in situations--he completely ignores her strong signs of aversion to his actions. I hate visiting them because of that and really do not want her to ever see them unsupervised, but DH thinks I'm overreacting.

jdilorenzo · December 2013

It would have bothered me. I agree don't feed my baby unless you ask me!

octobermama87 · December 2013

penguingrrl · December 2013

That's not cool and I'm generally a fairly laid back person. My kids get treats and I'm not crazy about eating, but you need to ask first. With my first it would have bothered me on principal. With my second two it would have been a problem. My second had dairy and soy protein intolerance and couldn't have cake because of it (luckily she outgrew it before 18 months) and my son is allergic to oats.