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daddy blues?

cocopuff09120cocopuff09120 member
in Babies: 0 - 3 Months
My husband was so excited to be a daddy. We shared so much excitement during pregnancy. Baby is now 3 days old and has not been sleeping through the night and eats constantly at night. My husband good at taking naps and relies heavily on his night time rest. Unfortunately we only have a one bedroom adjustment and the fact that I am exclusively pumping and need a lot of assistance when I am pumping keeps him awake. He is so concerned about the baby and wants to do everything possible for him. I can tell that he is frustrated by the difficulties of parenting that he never expected. Tonight I even walked in on him crying a bit (my husband never cries. I've only seen it one other time in 8 years). I know what to do for him and I am worried about his health. Has anyone else had a partner go through this sort of depression? What did you do about it? How can I help him?

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Re: daddy blues?

  • cocopuff09120cocopuff09120 member
    Excuse my typing errors. I'm on my kindle and also sleep deprived.
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  • VegasGal1978VegasGal1978 member
    I don't have much in the way of words of wisdom but I wanted to let you know that it gets easier. I am also EP so I know how much work it can be, especially as you build supply. It will get easier as you become more efficient. I'm sorry that I can't be any help regardimg your husbands emotional state. Hang in there.
    Can't figure out the signature thing, so here's the short, short version.....first daughter born on November 10, 2013. She was conceived through the magic of IVF after 2+ years of TTC.
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  • cocopuff09120cocopuff09120 member
    Thank you vegasgal1978. That is helpful actually. I think that it's just as important for him to know that the pumping gets easier as it is for me.
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  • Colada584Colada584 member
    The pumping definitely does get easier. Every day from birth to 2 months I wanted to quit. Then once I worked out a schedule and LO got into a somewhat routine it was a lot easier. My husband had some issues at first too because of lack of sleep and adjusting to being a dad and it is a lot more work for them as well when we EP. But he got used to it and now it's just part of our day. Give it time. It definitely will get better soon. Do you have a hands free pump bra? If not definitely invest in one.
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  • cocopuff09120cocopuff09120 member
    Thanks colada584. We stopped at the store yesterday to pick up a hands-free bra after a horrible night of boredom and helplessness every time I had to pump. It's definitely a must have! It's good to have some amount of mobility and access to my hands (hello internet!).
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  • quirkysocks32quirkysocks32 member
    Hang in there! It will get better. Soon you will be able to predict a better schedule and know when he needs to eat. I am EP as well and try and plan my pumping when she will be asleep. This way I don't feel like I am feeding her for hours. It is working out nicely and she is only 4 weeks old.
    It does get easier!
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  • KimS17KimS17 member
    3 days old is so incredibly young, and I'm guessing you just got home from the hospital not long ago. LO doesn't know days from nights, you and your DH are beyond tired and trying to figure out parenting is exhausting. You'll notice that each day gets a little better for all of you. My DD is 6 weeks tomorrow and there is already a huge difference in our days and nights.
    Try to keep communication up between you two and help each other as much as possible. You guys are in this together and will be each others support.
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  • cocopuff09120cocopuff09120 member
    Thank you everyone. We're working hard to communicate. I realized today that I have been trying to act like I have it all together even though I'm a mess. I shared that with him and has a good cry about it. It helped him realize that he isn't alone in being stressed out. He shared his feelings with me too and I am positive that things will get better. Last night while I was pumping I wrote him a letter "from baby" that had a list I of all of the ways that daddy rocks. My husband is a bit shy about that sort of thing do he didn't mention it at all, but I think it was good for him.
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  • ssublett09ssublett09 member
    I honestly would sit at night when LO was just a few days old rocking her thinking how were we going to survive this. I felt like we would never get passed that stage but you will. Just know it gets better, you will still have your hard times obviously but this time right now is very difficult. Your adjusting having a new life who needs you all the time, your recovering still and you are very vunerable. I remember telling my mom that I missed my husband but I see him everyday, because we were having to devote 110% of our energy that we didnt have to this new little baby. Sorry for going on and on but I just remember this time even though it was just a few months ago I feel like it was a lifetime ago and we have already come so far. Hang in there and just know it will get better
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  • cocopuff09120cocopuff09120 member
    Subtlety09, that's incredibly encouraging. I keep saying it outloud to remind both of us; we WILL miss him being this small one day and we WILL want him to grow up slower. Right now it is so easy to say that we can't wait until he's older and sleeps through the night. I want to be thankful for our little guy no matter what obstacles we have to overcome.

    And as an update to everyone. Tonight is going much better. We had it doctor appointment today and asked him about sleep. He told us to keep things very quiet and dark. It probably seems like common sense to most but we were so concerned with starting awake ourselves that we had movies on the last two nights. We also have been trying to quickly move between feeding burping and changing now so that he doesn't get fussy in between. He usually wakes at least once every two hours but he has been sleep for 3 now. Fingers crossed that he keeps it up! Momma has gotten an hour and a half of sleep already and daddy has had 2 hours! Yay for progress!
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  • cocopuff09120cocopuff09120 member
    Wow. I just realized that my spell check demolished your username. Sorry about that!
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  • TiffanyBerryTiffanyBerry member
    Know that postpartum depression affects fathers too (their hormone levels actually change after birth if they are involved as well). I think it is about 10% who get it. A friend of mine got it pretty bad, but sought treatment and is doing much better.
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  • cocopuff09120cocopuff09120 member
    Daddy update! 
    After two much more successful nights daddy is doing a million better. He's up and taking care of the house and baby when he sees things that need done and he's reading all of the baby books he can get his hands on! I'm so excited to have him back to his cheerful self again.

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