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How often....?

horsevaulterhorsevaulter member
in Parenting
How often do you see or talk to your mom? I am having a hard time setting boundaries with my mom. We have a difficult past and have never really been close, but now that I had her 1st grand baby she always wants to be involved somehow.. I get super anxious even just talking to her on the phone and don't really want to be around her, but she makes me feel so guilty if I don't talk to her for a while. Someone help please!!
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Re: How often....?

  • JackoftheBoxJackoftheBox member
    Umm my mom lives about 5 mins from me and we see each other about 2-3 times a week or less. Just express that you need your space occasionally. She was a mom once i am sure she will understand.
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  • MrsT0514MrsT0514 member
    My mom and I usually talk at least once a day, but she lives out of state, so we dont really see each other a lot. We've always been close, so we'll usually sit and just shoot the shit for a bit.

    Id say do what you're comfortable with. If you'd like to dial down the frequency of your conversations with her, just stop picking or keep conversations short and sweet and say you're busy.
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  • LuckyDadLuckyDad member
    Since DS, once a weekish. Sometimes twice if DS feels like skyping and she's available. But there was a period in my life it was down to like once a month.
    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BhqjipgCIAAOz7H.jpg
    -My son was born in April 2012. He pretty much rules.
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  • horsevaulterhorsevaulter member
    She lives about 20 minutes away and I usually ignore her calls and texts for a few days in a row and then talk to her. She doesn't have a car though so everytime I talk to her she wants me to go pick her up, hang out at my place as long as I let her and then take her home. Its such a pain in my butt lol
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  • BluepointToastedBluepointToasted member
    LuckyDad said:
    Since DS, once a weekish. Sometimes twice if DS feels like skyping and she's available. But there was a period in my life it was down to like once a month.

    This without the skyping.
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  • mhwoodmhwood member
    My mother lived out of province.

    We talked daily by phone and Facebook.

    She passed away on Dec 3, the same day my DD2 was born. I miss her everyday and wish I could call her all the time.
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  • chardonnay24chardonnay24 member
    I get along well with my mom and we live close, so I see her 2-3 times a week.

    We do not get along well with my MIL and we also have had trouble setting boundaries since the kiddo was born. We try to see her once a month, but we have gone several months without seeing her. I used to feel a little guilty, but she is so awful and our relationship is so poisonous that I do not feel guilty at all anymore.
    image


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  • horsevaulterhorsevaulter member
    I've told her so many times that I need space and then she cries and talks about how everyone hates her. I need to set a limit but what I am comfortable with just seems too mean.. I would probably like once or twice a month.. Is that too mean? I know she is lonely but she has 3 other kids and could have friends and family but she is convinced everyone in the world except 2 of her kids hate her..
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  • MrsT0514MrsT0514 member
    I just wanted to say im so sorry to those who've lost a parent. My mom is my best friend, and although we may get snippy with each other or disagree with each other here and there, I dont know what I'd do without her. I wish she lived closer so she'd be able to see DS more often!

    OP, although it may seem like PITA, I agree with Mabel. Barring any sort of abuse, if I were you id try to move forward with a healthy relationship with your mom (with healthy boundaries too, of course). Your LO will appreciate having a relationship with their grandmother!
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  • Spin313Spin313 member
    My mom and I are close. We talk almost every day (usually just for a few minutes) and see each other 1-2 times per week. She only lives 15-20 minutes away.
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  • JackoftheBoxJackoftheBox member
    JohnJacobJingleHeimer said:
    I spoke to my mother everyday. I saw her 2-3 times a week. She passed away on November 30th of last year. I would do anything to be able to speak to her and have her be a part of her grandbaby's life. Try sitting your mom down and explaining to her that you love her, you want to see her, but there need to be boundaries. Be open and honest.
    I'm sorry about your mom. I'm glad that you seem to have had a good relationship with her.
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  • horsevaulterhorsevaulter member
    iggin? Lol Sorry, trying to clean the house right now too! No I wouldn't be ok with it with my children which is why I am trying so hard to move forward and have a healthy relationship with her, but I am struggling so much with it. I have PTSD from some childhood things and she really triggers my anxiety to come back really hard, so I am really trying to not let that effect things too much. I know my head makes this a bigger issue than it really probably is..
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  • horsevaulterhorsevaulter member
    yea.. Ive had about 4 in a half years of individual counseling already and my sister and I have been trying to set up family counseling now as well.
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  • klondikebarklondikebar member

    CTGirl30 said:
    Mine lives 10 minutes away and I see her 2x a week for about an hour each time. Same issues. It's ok to set boundaries & limits for your sanity. Believe me, I've discussed mine in therapy, too.
    This x 1000. My mother is selfish and nasty. Guilt isn't a reason to allow a toxic person into my close personal life or my children's. I've tried for so many years for the benefit of my children and the rest of my extended family. There was no point really. DD can't stand her grandmother.
    https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/1e/60/2a/1e602a4261a90b9c761ebe748b780318.jpg    https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/47/2c/07/472c076006afed606241716dd0db828a.jpg 
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  • shadypinesshadypines member
    I speak to my mom weekly. I can time when she will call. Before I hated that..... But now I appreciate it. Because our older son started calling her like a minute before. Lolol!!! And many other reasons.......


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  • WhenigrowupWhenigrowup member
    horsevaulter said:
    I've told her so many times that I need space and then she cries and talks about how everyone hates her. I need to set a limit but what I am comfortable with just seems too mean.. I would probably like once or twice a month.. Is that too mean? I know she is lonely but she has 3 other kids and could have friends and family but she is convinced everyone in the world except 2 of her kids hate her..
    OMG your mother is my mother.  I talk to her once a week ish.  She lives a long way away, so we see her once or twice a year.  I am not good about answering her calls or texts, but to be fair, she calls during work hours, and when I'm teaching, I don't answer unless it is DH or daycare.  It is an ongoing struggle.  
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