not sure how to handle it

shelly2314 · December 2013

Well, we just got back from a family dinner where my sister-in-law announced she was pregnant. I am so very happy for her, but can't seem to stop crying. I just do not know how to handle it. I am proud to say that I did not cry in front of her, hugged her and her wonderful hubby, congrats and all that....They are very deserving and will be great parents. However, I feel like a failure. It also didn't help that my mother in law pointedly looked at my wife and said, "See, WE are fertile." Not exactly helpful. AUGH

StacyLH24 · December 2013

I'm sorry you are having to experience this. What a horrible thing for your MIL to say! I say cry as much as you need to in order for you to get it out. It seems like there is a lot of family pregnancies happening to folks here on the board. I absolutely love my SIL, but if she announced she was pregnant, I know C and I would be both happy and upset at the same time.

firstcomeslove2013 · December 2013

I am so sorry this happened. This is such a hard situation as I know you want to be happy but it reminds you of the hard road you are on. C and I always try and remind each other that we are on our own journey and that it looks different than everyone else's. Hang in there and support each other.

trisholio · December 2013

shelly2314 I am so sorry to hear this. My sister just found out a few weeks ago she was pregnant. She is single and it was a major oops with a casual boyfriend she had. I took it pretty hard and cried a lot. I even got angry and resented her. I have processed most of my emotions at this point and I am starting to be happy for her. But I know there will be times it will hit me and hurt and I will address it at that time. I would encourage you to try and look at the positive and separate your feelings from their situation. It is super hard to do! I wish you the best and know that we are all here to support you.

As for your MIL making that comment, I just don't know what to say. It was totally uncalled for and hurtful. I would have your wife address it with her directly. My mom has made a few inappropriate comments and unfortunately it has affected our relationship not for the good. I believe that each person in the relationship should handle issues with their own parents and extended family. If they are unable to resolve it or it needs to go further then you can intervene. But in my experience my family tends to be more open and honest with me than if my wife approached them with problems.

I hope things get better and like the previous posts say, cry and let it all out. Sometimes that really does help :-)

shelly2314 · December 2013

as for my SIL, we went to her graduation on Tuesday night where she announced it to all her friends. As the conversation died down, she grabbed my hand and said some of the sweetest things and was just there for me for a moment. It was one of the nicest things ever. Of course I cried, but then I let her know how incredibly happy I was for her. She is an amazing person and her and her husband can provide a great life for a child (that does make it easier to handle then if it were MY sister b/c she is not married and doesn't have a great job, etc). It helped me deal and move forward. I'd have to say she made it easier for me. I am very blessed there.

As for my MIL, I spoke to DW about it and she just shrugs it off and says "she doesn't mean it to be hurtful." Needless to say, this has now caused a HUGE issue with us b/c she is just going to let it go. In turn, I told her since she was going to handle it, the next time it comes out of her mother's mouth she leaves me no choice but to handle it on my own. So we shall see.

wishiwaspreggo · December 2013

If my mother said something like that to C, I would walk out. No one ever "means" to be hurtful - but honestly, you really need to think about what you're going to say before you actually say it.

I will never find myself in that situation, of course, since neither C nor I have any sisters to compare ourselves to - and all of our brothers are dead set against marriage and children (which is a whole other type of sad that I'm dealing with since I'll never have nieces or nephews, and my children will never have cousins).

In any case, I wish people would just think before they started talking. I hate it when people are needlessly hurtful. Big hugs, @shelly2314!!! Once you get your BFP, you can smugly announce "See, *I* am fertile!"

shelly2314 · December 2013

Thanks @wishiwaspreggo.....I finally TOLD my DW she needed to say something. She said she didn't want to upset me (which means she didn't listen when I said she SHOULD say something) and that she would talk to her mom.

Then she proceeds to text it to her SIGH...she is a great wife, but sometimes...I knew I should read how the text went, but I did anyhow. I was right in thinking it would upset me. She told her mom and her mom apologized saying she didn't mean to hurt or be offensive. Then my DW goes on to tell her it wasn't offensive but I am just sensitive at this time. I read this on Friday and have waited to talk to my DW about it until I had calmed down. I just don't know how to make her understand how I feel and it isn't always just being oversensitive

aslmander · December 2013

oh wow, what an awful thing to say!! im so sorry:/

shelly2314 · December 2013

Thanks...very uncharacteristic of M as she is usually pretty in-tune with emotions

shelly2314 · December 2013

we finally sat down and had a chat about how I felt and she apologized. She said she thinks text wasn't the way to go (ya think LOL) and the text was partial brevity and partial miscommunicated. She does realize that this is valid, but just meant that the whole process from start to now is very emotional and weighs heavily. Sigh...now to get through this tww...lol

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