Daycare... Again

TJ1979 · December 2013

I hate complaining about DC. The easy answer is to find another DC. But the only other option near our new place will be 500/month MORE, and I would have to change my work hours.
E got bitten. Again. 5 times in 5 weeks. This one is bad. See the pic, that is her thigh, and MH's finger. I talked to them about everything y'all suggested last time. But it's a different kid who bites each time so I don't know what to suggest. They know I'm upset though. WWYD?

TJ1979 · December 2013

And here's the pic.

Robeano · December 2013

Yikes!! No suggestions, but poor E

fullfhope · December 2013

Oh poor baby.

I wish I knew what to tell you.

kmc84 · December 2013

Poor E! That's nasty! Maybe it's because she's so sweet

On a serious note, I don't know. $500 MORE a month is crazy. Does your DC have a punishment system in place for bad behavior? (I think I remember you saying it does....)

imoverit · December 2013

I am so pissed for you!!! I know that biting can be a phase or whatever but this is getting ridiculous and completely out of hand. Maybe these kiddos are biting because they are needing some oral sensory or teething or something but give them something else to meet their need. Are there in home day cares around you? Can you check on Angies List or something? Im so sorry.

mdiblasi10 · December 2013

Oh no, poor E

I just want to give her a hug. I hate seeing her hurt like that. The DC teachers have got to do something! I know that biting can happen, but five times in five weeks is crazy. If she is being targeted, then they need to be more vigilant. I don't know the exact structure of your place, but have you talked to the director or someone above the teachers?

mdiblasi10 · December 2013

Echoing what @imoverit said... I know our DC gives teethers when the kids are teething. Do they do that at yours?

Mrs.AmyDylan · December 2013

TJ, that is horrible! Is E showing any reluctance to go to DC?

Mrs.AmyDylan · December 2013

I was thinking about this some more. I would probably go in tomorrow with a big ole can of whoop-ass in hand.

Alternatively, can you dress her differently? Maybe jeans or overalls that aren't as easy to bite? I googled anti bite clothing and they have gear for mental health professionals. Maybe they make kids sizes? Enroll her in martial arts? Get her some brass knuckles or pepper spray?

kaf7 · December 2013

Poor E!! I will say that it's possible you move daycare and she gets bitten at the new place. If she's not afraid to go I'd maybe stick it out a bit. Can they have someone do a behavioural assessment of the class? They can do that at schools. Maybe that will uncover something the daycare can actually change?

phishgirl29 · December 2013

Poor little E! I think that EmAzeem gave you some great suggestions. Good luck!

TJ1979 · December 2013

She isn't showing any reluctance to go. In fact, she has just started willingly going To the teacher in the morning with no fussing. This bite occurred during a diaper change, which is discouraging bc that means a teacher was right.there when it happened. The others have either been during food times or waiting to go outside.
I know E is notorious for stealing food, and that has gotten her bitten once or twice. But it seems like these kids are biting out of anger, ie in response to food or a toy being taken away by E or the teacher. (She's in a 2 year old class even though she's only 16 months.) but I've already seen E picking up the behavior. When she's really upset and not getting her way, she will lean in with her mouth open To bite. I have been lucky enough to catch her and correct her, but I'm not surprised she is picking up this behavior.
When I mentioned it to the morning teacher, she had a very laid back attitude about it. She was like, well, it was the first time this specific kid has bitten her, so...
They do have a discipline policy, but since she's being bitten by different children it doesn't apply. One biter has been asked to leave the school (and has) but there is still something going on. Sigh, my poor baby.

mcgeeva · December 2013

No way that is wayyyyyyyy too many times! I would definitely switch because you have already addressed it an seems the kids are not being talked to at home or they are watching the kids to make sure it doesn't happen. But gosh 500 would killl me more a month. And to switch work hours..definitely try to find another place is possible. I'm sorry that is such a stinky situation to be in. Do any of your friends have places they can recommend?

JBDamonM · December 2013

TJ - have you talked to the director?? I couldn't tell from your posts. Also - I think a pop in visit (or a few) may be a very good idea to show them that you mean business.

TJ1979 · December 2013

@jbdamonm We are trying to set up a meeting with her. I have never actually seen her on site, which I'm also not a fan of.

mdiblasi10 · December 2013

@TJ1979 I think talking to the Director is definitely a good first step. I only know the two schools G has been at, but the Directors were on-site daily at both. I hope you can get this resolved or find someplace new that isn't out of your budget! Hugs.

Mr. & Mrs. Woodtick · December 2013

Honestly if it were me, at this point I would have to remove my child from that center. Two red flags for me are that

1. She was bitten during a diaper change and a teacher was literally RIGHT THERE

2. You've never seen the director onsite.

I understand that changing your hours and the cost are not favorable, but piece of mind and better quality care may make up for that.

My child was a biter. Luckily he has outgrown it, but even as the parent of a biter I was concerned that the center wasn't doing enough and asked that he be separated from the child that he was biting.

GL TJ. I'm sorry you and especially E have to deal with this.

JBDamonM · December 2013

Mr. & Mrs. Woodtick said:

Honestly if it were me, at this point I would have to remove my child from that center. Two red flags for me are that

1. She was bitten during a diaper change and a teacher was literally RIGHT THERE

2. You've never seen the director onsite.

I understand that changing your hours and the cost are not favorable, but piece of mind and better quality care may make up for that.

My child was a biter. Luckily he has outgrown it, but even as the parent of a biter I was concerned that the center wasn't doing enough and asked that he be separated from the child that he was biting.

GL TJ. I'm sorry you and especially E have to deal with this.

All of this! My Director almost always answers the phone when I call....

JBDamonM · December 2013

Also - how do they do diaper changes. Every daycare I have been in uses a changing table off the ground.... Trying to grasp how someone bit her during a diaper change? or was it someone else's diaper change?

mcgeeva · December 2013

I'm still shocked..how does that happen during a diaper change?? That means someone is sitting right there with her?!!!

ccam · December 2013

That looks awful!! Poor E.

I was wondering the same as @JBDamonM - how does that happen during a diaper change?

And the whole never seeing the director thing would bother me, too. DH drops off and I pick up and we each see either the owner or the director on site every day.

TJ1979 · December 2013

JBDamonM said:
Also - how do they do diaper changes. Every daycare I have been in uses a changing table off the ground.... Trying to grasp how someone bit her during a diaper change? or was it someone else's diaper change?

This is definitely on the list of thing to talk about. The changing table is too high for a 2 year old to reach. So was she not on the table? Was she left unattended on the table? Was another kid on the table with her? There is no answer here that makes sense. Unless it didn't happen during a diaper change. So... Yeah... Red flag.
I need some answers, I need a plan. I need to know they are taking this seriously.
We are going to look for some home DC options. But I really just can't afford the extra 500/ month.
Thanks for talking this through with me. I'm glad to know I'm not overreacting.

mcgeeva · December 2013

It's not even my child and it's bothering me so bad that its on her inner thigh?! What the hell. I'm defintiely for home daycares but that is all I know at this point. Ds sometimes has scratches on his face but that's been the worst of it. I'm so curious to hear the directors response

jezebel57 · December 2013

lurking from PAIF******

I've been in the day care field for 20 years as an administrator... if it is different children, then that says to me there is an issue with supervision. How old are the children your baby is with? if they are under 2 1/2, it is developmentally normal for them to be biting (although not welcome!), and the responsibility relies on the teachers. That being said, biting unfortunately does happen, but it being a consistent issue, i would ask the director to let you know the times your LO is getting bitten. If it's the same time (meal times, during diaper changes, transitions, etc...) then it's the director's responsibility to observe and provide tips to the teachers. It's not an easy fix, and even if you switch day cares or classrooms, there is no guarantee there will not be bites there either. Good luck and hope it stops soon!

TJ1979 · December 2013

@mcgeeva It's outer thigh not inner thigh. So that's better. But still really odd to occur during a diaper change.

TJ1979 · December 2013

@jezebel57 Thanks so much for your input. The other children are all in their 2's, and I understand that it is a common occurrence at that age. But my concern is how often is normal, and shouldn't they offer me some sort of plan? Something more than "oh well, it happens"? I feel like she is getting packed on bc she is the baby in a bigger group of kids. (Which is a whole other issue. We were told there would be a class of toddlers, walking but under age 2.)
I feel like I'm not getting answers.

jezebel57 · December 2013

TJ1979 said:

@jezebel57 Thanks so much for your input. The other children are all in their 2's, and I understand that it is a common occurrence at that age. But my concern is how often is normal, and shouldn't they offer me some sort of plan? Something more than "oh well, it happens"? I feel like she is getting packed on bc she is the baby in a bigger group of kids. (Which is a whole other issue. We were told there would be a class of toddlers, walking but under age 2.) I feel like I'm not getting answers.

@tj1979 there isn't really a normal for biting in a toddler room. unfortunately some of it could be imitation, some teething, some anger, etc... i would concentrate on speaking with the director and having a plan for what the teachers are doing to prevent it. 2 year olds should not be made to wait, even in line to go outside. you're just asking for trouble. one teacher should take out half the children if they are ready, and try to divide the group. the teachers should be working in small groups as much as possible. what state do you live in? i would look up the state regs to make sure they are following ratios, etc... definitely meet with the director- it makes me nervous she isn't on site. i was visible and available each day to my parents. if not in the morning, than the afternoon. and she should be getting back to you within 24 hours with a meeting time. if not, ask for the regional/district managers phone number. if it's a chain day care, they have one. if it's a private one, ask to speak to the owner. the director needs to be in there and giving ideas on what teachers can be doing differently. i'm sorry it sounded like they weren't taking your concerns seriously. that makes me so mad because i worked so hard at customer service and relationships with parents for so long, and when that trust is broken, it's hard to get back. they may be losing a good client! feel free to PM me if you need other ideas.

queenbone · December 2013

Oh, I'm so sorry! That is bad ad I would be vivid!!! Clearly they aren't paying enough attention to the children/ have a adequate adult to child ratio if this is continuing to happen to her, from multiple assailants.

I agree with PP to look for a home care provider thru Angie's list or ca re. com. Maybe you can do a nanny share with someone. There HAS to be middle ground between constant bites and $500 more a month!

So mad for you!

MoFree · December 2013

I am glad you are looking into other daycare options for E.

laura1 · December 2013

I have no advice on the biting front, but it sounds like others have given you good advice. If I were you, especially with #2 on the way, I would look into home daycare or a nanny. For one kid, a nanny is expensive compared to daycare. For 2 kids, it gets much more reasonable! We loved our nanny (we had one after DD#1 was born until we moved when she was a year old - then they started at a pre-school with extended hours for kids 15+months). It was great to have someone come in to our house, be able to feed them their meals at home, nap in their beds, and keep them away from so many germs! Not sure how much the going rate is for nanny/day care in your area is, but for us, it was about the same for 2 kids. And the convenience made the nanny worth it! Good luck!

pantsarella · December 2013

TJ1979 said:

but I've already seen E picking up the behavior. When she's really upset and not getting her way, she will lean in with her mouth open To bite. I have been lucky enough to catch her and correct her, but I'm not surprised she is picking up this behavior.

It sounds like the class might have started with one biter and the other kids are learning it, too. I would definitely be calling the director and talk about having a training for the teachers to help reduce the behavior in the class all around.

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