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Desperate for a change

ashleighltashleighlt member
in Multiples
Before i start i would like to say things are "easier" when it comes to knowing what to do with the babies now that they are older. however.....Before my twins were born my husband and I were promised so much help. However since their birth only my aunt has followed through with that promise. My parents live in another country and my mother in law is very self centered and will not even stop by to visit unless everything is checked off her to do list.
If I'm not working 13 hr shifts as a nurse then I am on baby duty by myself except one day a week when my husband and i have the same day off.
Recently my little boy (they are 5 months old) has started sleeping really poorly. He finally falls asleep around midnight and then I'm up at 4:30 to get ready for work.
My husband and I feel so lonely, like we could drop off the earth and no one would know. We truly are doing everything on our own and are both so unbalievably tired and stretched to the limit.
How do other people make it through on their own ? We are in need of advice. People who we thought were are friends are proving us otherwise.
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Re: Desperate for a change

  • LottaLattesLottaLattes member
    Have you asked friends for help, or are you waiting for them to come to you? A lot of people have a hard time forcing themselves on people so just don't do it.

    You might look at the sleep lady book. My friend sleep trained her quads at 4-5 months for sanity, and they are still good sleepers at 18 months.

    Good luck! Alternately, you could look at hiring someone, even for days on the weekends just for a sanity break. Take care!!
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  • ceechieceechie member
    I totally agree with lotta. I think friends and family often feel like they don't know what to do to help. I think if you put it out there, people will be more than happy to be included. My mil said this to us- she didn't know how to help us. So, I told her to please help with the kids laundry. She lives over 2 hours away, but when we do see her, she makes sure it's all done before she leaves. Also, seek out your local multiples group. That outlet is amazing. Just local moms who understand and hear you out is amazing.
    It can be so hard! my girls are almost 6 months and I totally get you!
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  • ks3pinkks3pink member
    We are in the same boat. Or at least I am. DH still tends to do about like he wants though after I got upset a few weeks ago he's been home more. My biggest disappointment has been my parents. We live right behind them and they rarely come to even see the boys. If DD couldn't walk back and forth I guess she'd be out or luck too. It's really tough and these winter months make it tougher because it's harder to get out with two babies in the cold. I just remind myself how blessed I am to have them and to enjoy them while I can even though it's hard because it truly won't last forever.
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  • somewhereincalisomewhereincali member
    Where do you live? Some cites have various free programs for people with young kids, volunteers who will come to your house a few hr a week etc. Are youa member of any religious organiztion? Church etc?
    If it's overwhelming to look for the help do you have a friend in another city who could spend some time on google or calling around for you
    Instead of Xmas gifts can you hire a sitter or even a young mothers helper to give you some support for a few hr
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  • ougrad1ougrad1 member
    We are still tired.  If you can work it where one of you gets a full nights sleep once a week then, try to do that.

    At the point, our twins are 3 years old but, wake very early.  My H and I have worked it out to where my sleep in day is Saturday and his is Sunday.  We both get up early during the rest of the week.

    I've decided that my MIL is to intimidated to eve offer to keep the babies.  She never has.
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  • momof2buggsmomof2buggs member
    edited December 2013
    This was totally me! Except I didnt even have my husbands help, because he decided that he didn't want to be a daddy anymore, and left when i was 7 months pregnant. So I had one long and exhausting newborn period.  I don't know if I slept any more than 4 hours in any given 24 hour period. Plus I had 2 older children, 3 and 8. The only thing I can say is hang in there. It will eventually get better. You just have to tough it out. You can do it :D
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  • tiffweddtiffwedd member
    Hang in there!  My boys are about to turn 1 and it does get better.  My husband and I are also alone.  My family is all in California and while his mom is in the area her excitement to be a grandmother did not extend to when the boys arrived and we rarely see her and she doesn't ever watch them.  We do the same sort of thing as ougrad1, I get to sleep in a little later, my husband gets up with them since he is an early bird and when I get up he goes out and bikes and then takes them again for time between when I leave for work and our nanny arrives.  We were able to start doing this when they were around 9 months old and we had a handle on their nap and sleep schedule.
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