Let's be honest here

trisholio · December 2013

Let's be honest, life is stressful, TTC is stressful, being pregnant is stressful and having a baby is stressful. How much have going through these phases increased fighting with your spouse?
Let's just be realistic (in my opinion) if you don't fight at all then you don't have a healthy relationship. So fighting is good to an extent. Bickering is bound to happen and emotions are running high. It is natural to lash out to the ones that are the closest to you. So let's share the truth here about real life and relationships :-)

kboydbowman · December 2013

My wife is one of the most laid-back people and most supportive people on the planet. We rarely ever argue and we do it's resolved within a few minutes.

Jeveritt11 · December 2013

In the last 8 weeks since LO has been born we seem to argue a lot more. I think we're just tired and I still have PP hormones going and I'm just annoyed by her. I hate that I feel that way and I'm trying to work on it. Things have gotten a little better since we've got DD on a routine and we have about an hour or so together at night just the 2 of us.

YBnormal85 · December 2013

We are lucky to both have a personality where arguments and fights are just not in our nature at all...Small disagreements are settled before it turns into a larger issue, and for that I am grateful

redrockmama · December 2013

I said we never fight, which of course isn't true but it seemed like the most applicable answer. TTC didn't cause us to fight more at all, but we were really lucky and got pregnant on our third try. I imagine if it would have taken a long time there would have been more emotions and tension.

GoaliesWife123 · December 2013

kboydbowman said:

My wife is one of the most laid-back people and most supportive people on the planet. We rarely ever argue and we do it's resolved within a few minutes.

This. The only time we usually have an issue is when we are dealing with each other's families! We don't fight, though. We communicate a lot.

wishiwaspreggo · December 2013

We bicker all the time like a couple of old ladies, but we rarely get in what I'd call "fights." Over the course of our relationship we've gotten into maybe 3 or 4 big fights. Usually because one or both of us was being bull-headed.

aslmander · December 2013

We do seem to be arguing more lately but its she gets annoyed by me or i get annoyed by her and its over in practically 5 secs. It seems to be more often as we get closer to ttc but i am also going to atrribute that to the holidays with funds being tight

JGY · December 2013

I chose "We never fight" but it's not necessarily a good thing. I think we walk on eggshells more now that the little guy is here. I've shared in the past that parenthood was never S's dream, it was really mine. So I do my best to be extra careful to not let too much of the burden fall to her, and I know she is extra careful to not voice some of her feelings that might just be hurtful to me. Again, it's not necessarily good, but we're getting through it. I do see light. And for the record, S has been getting MUCH more enjoyment out of parenting lately. Sometimes she even glows.

healz413 · December 2013

@Manada and I don't really fight. We didn't before TTC and we don't now. I hope it stays that way. But we do bicker and get short tempered or easily aggravated/frustrated. Or we do that wonderful thing where we both think the other one is mad at us and both end up in tears when we were just sad and tired to start with.

Infertility has been extraordinarily stressful. We have both cried more in the last year than I thought was possible in a relationship where you're very happy with the other person and where no single crisis (death of family/friend, loss of job, etc.) has occurred. Infertility is exhausting and soul-sucking and depressing and expensive and anxiety-inducing. And it sucks. And it hurts. And it has taken a toll on our relationship and we have strengthened our relationship through it, too.

wishiwaspreggo · December 2013

healz413 said:

@Manada and I don't really fight. We didn't before TTC and we don't now. I hope it stays that way. But we do bicker and get short tempered or easily aggravated/frustrated. Or we do that wonderful thing where we both think the other one is mad at us and both end up in tears when we were just sad and tired to start with.

Infertility has been extraordinarily stressful. We have both cried more in the last year than I thought was possible in a relationship where you're very happy with the other person and where no single crisis (death of family/friend, loss of job, etc.) has occurred. Infertility is exhausting and soul-sucking and depressing and expensive and anxiety-inducing. And it sucks. And it hurts. And it has taken a toll on our relationship and we have strengthened our relationship through it, too.

I would argue that IF is certainly a crisis in a relationship. I read somewhere that it causes as much pain and stress as being diagnosed with cancer. It's a different kind of pain and fear, of course, but it's nothing to be taken lightly. Obviously you know that. I just hope you're not being too hard on yourselves. The pain is absolutely valid. Merciless at that.

healz413 · December 2013

wishiwaspreggo said:

healz413 said:

@Manada and I don't really fight. We didn't before TTC and we don't now. I hope it stays that way. But we do bicker and get short tempered or easily aggravated/frustrated. Or we do that wonderful thing where we both think the other one is mad at us and both end up in tears when we were just sad and tired to start with.

Infertility has been extraordinarily stressful. We have both cried more in the last year than I thought was possible in a relationship where you're very happy with the other person and where no single crisis (death of family/friend, loss of job, etc.) has occurred. Infertility is exhausting and soul-sucking and depressing and expensive and anxiety-inducing. And it sucks. And it hurts. And it has taken a toll on our relationship and we have strengthened our relationship through it, too.

I would argue that IF is certainly a crisis in a relationship. I read somewhere that it causes as much pain and stress as being diagnosed with cancer. It's a different kind of pain and fear, of course, but it's nothing to be taken lightly. Obviously you know that. I just hope you're not being too hard on yourselves. The pain is absolutely valid. Merciless at that.

Thank you for this. It is nice to know others understand (even though I, of course, know that others do understand since we are among many folks on this board who are experiencing or have experienced IF--it is still nice to hear it). Yes, I also think of it as a crisis. By saying "single crisis", I was trying to differentiate between IF (which manifests itself in a series of incidents of bad news, disappointments, depressions, negative pregnancy tests, bills, new plans, tries, etc) and things that the outside world (folks who have not experienced IF) can understand as incidents of crises.

ball.and.chain · December 2013

wishiwaspreggo said:

I would argue that IF is certainly a crisis in a relationship. I read somewhere that it causes as much pain and stress as being diagnosed with cancer. It's a different kind of pain and fear, of course, but it's nothing to be taken lightly. Obviously you know that. I just hope you're not being too hard on yourselves. The pain is absolutely valid. Merciless at that.

I get the clarification @healz413 is making, but I also agree with @wishiwaspreggo. I read that they did a study in which the stress levels of women experiencing infertility were the same as women experiencing chemotherapy (probably the same study you read, wiwp).

jensavicci · December 2013

Nahhh we rarely argue. We have a very similar mentality on how things need to go in our lives. if I don't like what she's done or the way she goes about things, I'll tell her and tell her why. She may question me but if I'm right, she gets it. if I'm wrong, she let's me know too.

but we bicker like two old ladies at a nursing home! Its really just me nagging the life out of her and her commenting back like a smart-ass. It's all love though lol.

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