Losing my mind...

Snugly Ael · December 2013

A few weeks ago, I posted about my b/g twins and how demanding my son is. I'm seriously losing my mind with so much to do with them. I'm all by myself 4 days in a week as my husband travels for work. I haven't slept in 3 days, I have a terrible headache and I'm going insane. I feel as if I'm under house arrest and I'm left with no one but my twins. They are 4 months old, formula fed and I try my level best to keep them on the same schedule. It's really hard to take care of them all by myself. I recently moved to a new state and I don't have any friends. Until now my in laws were here. I feel terrible and I just want to shut the world out. It's especially at nights I have a hard time feeding them and sleeping. There are times when one becomes active and wakes up the other. It take about an hour to feed both of them. And they want to be fed every 2 and a half to 3 hours.

I can't even move in with hubby as he's working as a contractor. I don't know what to do and who to turn to. Every morning my mil calls and expects me to return her call, no matter what I'm doing. She just wants to prove that I can't take care of the twins all by myself. She wants to do FaceTime and watch the babies too. She lives in a different country. I'm feeling terrible and I don't know what to do and how to do it.

I'm afraid to leave them in day care and I'm thinking if hiring a nanny for nights would help. First of all I s there such a thing? Please help me. I don't have anyone else to turn to.

ballygirl · December 2013

I feel for you! My 2 month olds are completely overwhelming me. Can you afford to hire a mother's helper? I have someone come in 3 times a week for 4 to 6 hours to just help me through the day. Sometimes I just sleep while she's here. It has made a huge difference. Also, since I am here with her, it was not as expensive as a nanny.

There are night nannies out there that will do nighttime shifts but I think they are pricey. Take all the help you can get - I have leaned on family, friends, even neighbors that I don't know very well. Do not be ashamed to ask for and accept help. No one
can do this alone. Your babies need a healthy sane mommy so it's important that you take care of your needs for their sake too!

ballygirl · December 2013

Also, most metro areas have a Mothers of Twins/multiples group. I don't have any friends nearby but have met some very supportive women through my local MoM group. When I first joined online I mentioned how overwhelmed I was and one woman with older twins came over with some food and helped out for about an hour. It was nice just meeting someone who knew what I was going through.

whitehousem · December 2013

I'm sorry you are going through this! My twins aren't here yet, but I've been a SAHM for the past 18months and also care for a 22mo old boy (for the past year). It can be VERY isolating and overwhelming. I don't have a ton of girl friends here and I only get out to see a friend about once a month. But DH is around a lot, so I can't imagine how much harder it is for you. I'm concerned for when my twins come and I'm home with them and a two year old. Is there a friend or family member you can talk to during the week a few times? Just to vent and talk to an adult? I agree you should also look into your local MOMS group. I need to do this too. Or join a local
Mothers group where you can meet other moms close by. Can you get out and walk with your twins once a day? Or go to the mall or errands? It helps just to get out of the house and do something! I spend a lot of time on TB just bc it's a connection to the outside world. Where do you live? I'm in Denver, CO. Take any help that's offered and don't feel bad about it. You need to do things for yourself and stay healthy!

Snugly Ael · December 2013

Thank you so much for replying. I'll surely look into what you said. How much does a mother's helper charge in your area? I just want to get an idea on the prices.

ballygirl · December 2013

I'm in the Boston area and I pay her $12 an hour. She's a college student. I also just hired a nanny for when I go back to work. She charges 22 per hour.

Pittpanther · December 2013

My twins are only 11 days old so I can only imagine what you are going through. I just wanted to say I know a lot of people who use care.com to find help. Even just having someone a few days a week for a few hours each day while your husband is gone would probably be a huge help for you. I hope things start to get less stressful very soon!! Big hugs!

Snugly Ael · December 2013

I live in Chicago, IL. The weather doesn't let me get out of the house and I haven't gone out alone with the twins. I wonder what I'll do if I have to feed them. How I'll manage feeding both of them in public. The thought of going out with them alone sends chills down my spine.

txcyclist · December 2013

I feel your pain. My husband works out of state during the week and I also have an 11 y/o son to take care of. In the early months I hired a post partum doula to help out 3x a week for 5 hours in the evening. She would cook, clean, take care of babies. Anything I needed help with she would. I BF the twins but for the sake of needing sleep I'd let her give them each a formula bottle for bedtime so I could get extra sleep. I stopped using her shortly after I went back to work though as the babies started sleeping longer at night. I'd highly recommend hiring some help. Dealing with 2 babies is a lot, especially on your own. Good luck and hang in there momma. it does get easier.

txcyclist · December 2013

OK my sigs are old and were once updated. My b/g twins are almost 8 months old now.

ballygirl · December 2013

Snugly Ael said:

I live in Chicago, IL. The weather doesn't let me get out of the house and I haven't gone out alone with the twins. I wonder what I'll do if I have to feed them. How I'll manage feeding both of them in public. The thought of going out with them alone sends chills down my spine.

I'm with you on this one. I haven't gone out alone with my girls either. I am too afraid of them having a double meltdown in public. Right now they will nap in their stroller while its moving but as soon as I stop for any amount of time, they wake up and cry. I still haven't learned how to deal well when they are both crying at the same time. I have taken them out with my nanny - she came to a doctor's appointment and sometimes helps me do quick errands with them, but it will be awhile before I'm brave enough to go out by myself. When I do go out, I make sure I feed them right before I leave, so I know I will have at least 2 hours before they need more and I make sure I'm back before their next feeding - no long shopping trips for these girls yet!

caden · December 2013

Snugly Ael said:

Thank you so much for replying. I'll surely look into what you said. How much does a mother's helper charge in your area? I just want to get an idea on the prices.

I paid $20/hr and she was worth every cent. She was also a post-partum doula/mother's helper who did light cleaning, laundry, etc. I can't imagine how exhausted you must be with such little help. Definitely hire someone. I also recommend Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child for tips on how to get them to fall asleep on their own, which is critical IMO for getting them to STTN. The first 4 months are for sure the worst. So just think, it's only going up from here!

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