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What would you do

Mkherren12Mkherren12 member
in Blended Families
I'll try to make this the short version. Exh and I divorced 3 years ago we have 1 daughter. He married the woman he left me for and they have 2 kids. I still have a wonderful relationship with exh parents. I can always count on them if dd gets sick during the day has a field trip or anything. They love dd to death and shelves them to death. Exh parents are probably dd's most favorite people. Dd sees her dad about once a month for 24 hours or so. Maybe a full weekend every once I awhile. Co says he can have her eowe but this is all he seeks.

Recently everyone has learned that exh brother is HIV positive. Yesterday exh tells his parents that as long as his brother is living with them that his family will not come around and they are not welcome at his house. Exh' wife just doesn't think you can be too careful with something like this. Exh tells me that he doesn't want dd around his brother or his parents for the same reason. I told him that I will not take her favorite people Away from her but if he is truly concerned about the possibility of someone bringing the disease into his home then I will have dd tested before each visit with him. He then tells me thank you for the offer but unless dd is not allowed to see his brother or his parents then she is not welcome at his house. Dd is 7 so this falls to me. I know he is being unrealistic and I'm not going to change my mind but I'm just sad for dd. That while she didn't have a great relationship with her dad before now she will likely not have one at all. Would anyone have done things differently? And really this is exh' wife doing all this. He just does what she wants. Doesn't think or act for himself.
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Re: What would you do

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  • ambrvanambrvan member
    This is his choice. As long as you know xBIL isn't sharing needles with your 7yo our sexually abusing her, then continue to do what you are doing.

    I can't even find a word to describe your X. It's ignorant to say that he is afraid of his brother's HIV, but to say that his own daughter is not welcome around him if she associates with her HIV positive family? That's just sick. And just an excuse to be that word I can't find to describe him.

    I just can't wrap my head around this.
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  • ambrvanambrvan member
    Oh and one more thing, I wouldn't offer to have her tested unless she has been exposed, as in come in contact with xBIL's bodily fluids somehow. Because after being exposed to HIV you have to be tested periodically for an extended period because you may not show up positive for a while.
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  • nurrieumnurrieum member
    Im not sure what words I have for the type of low life that treats his family and daughter that way. The ignorance here is astounding.
    This is a piss poor excuse not to see your child. You can try to educate this not a man but your probably wasting your breath. I'm so sorry for your daughter. I wouldn't do a thing different, I wouldn't sacrifice the good relationship with grandparents for the shitty one with her Dad.

    People like that make me so mad.

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  • NineoceansNineoceans member
    This is really bizarre. Really.
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  • xmaryrickxxmaryrickx member
    Nineoceans said:

    This is really bizarre. Really.

    this is where I am. It's 2013!!!!! How is this conversation even happening?

    I would tell him that it's a shame he is choosing to not see his daughter anymore and that I hope he enjoys his trip to hell.


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  • nevertunenevertune member
    *Jaw drops* Somehow I think she'll be okay hanging out at her grandparents. Your ex is a real piece of something.
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  • sprky79sprky79 member
    Outside of sharing needles or sexual intercourse, it is really, REALLY hard to contract HIV.  So, tell your ex to shove it.
    Seriously, people. If your faith in humanity is destroyed because your parents told you there was a Santa Claus and as it turns out there is no Santa Claus, you are an ignorant, hypersensitive cry baby with absolutely zero perspective. - UnderwaterRhymes
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  • emme022emme022 member
    I agree with everyone else to keep having DD see her grandparents and screw BD.  That is awful.  I also feel so bad for his brother and parents that this is how he is treating them and it all just shows a lot of ignorance.  
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  • +just+j++just+j+ member
    XH would pull this shit. It's ignorance. There are still homophobic, stupid people out there. Do as you please. He will have to get a court order to stop you and no judge will allow it. Do NOT have her tested unless she was legitimately exposed. It serves no purpose to do so and you will just be justifying and encouraging his ignorance.
    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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  • Mkherren12Mkherren12 member
    Thanks ladies I feel the same way. Just hate that it has to be this way.
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