4 month old fighting sleep!!!!

shanrob1022010 · January 2012

Does anyone else's LO fight sleep really bad??? My LO just turned 4 months old on Monday and we have not started sleep training yet. I rock her for naps and at night. Everytime I try to rock her for her naps, she fights and crys. This has just started happening in the last few weeks. I usually just keep her up for an hour and twenty minutes or a little longer at a time. If I wait to put her down later or if I put her down earlier, it doesn't matter. She is very alert and rarely shows tired cues but I know if I keep her up, she will be really fussy. She also only takes 30 minute naps. She used to take great naps but that changed months ago. The only time she has taken a two hour nap is when she was breastfeeding and fell aleep on me. She doesn't like to be swaddled. Does anyone have a similar situation? Is this the 4 month wakeful period? She will be tired as I'm rocking her and her eyes will roll around but she just fights going to sleep so bad!!!

THANKS

Karen1998 · January 2012

Honestly, everything you've listed points to a very overtired child. If it had suddenly changed, I'd vote 4MW, but it sounds like you've had this going on for a long time.

Have you read any sleep books? I like Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. Some really like Ferber, and what I know of his principles do make sense, though they're not for everyone. The other book I hear mentioned often is The No Cry Sleep Solution. While 4 months is a bit early to sleep train (talk to your doctor), you can begin to work some of the principles into your routine (such as "sleep begets sleep") and make small changes.

jackiemf · January 2012

This sounds a lot like our situation. LO was never a big fan of sleep but I could usually get him to take his usual 4 naps a day with little fuss and he would sleep anywhere from 30 - 90 minutes. Now with in the last week he will scream when you even start to rock him and when you put him down will jolt awake so now naps are really hard to come by. I am ready to pull my hair out. It feels like we are already doing CIO. I would deperately like some help as well, but I wanted you to know that you are not alone. I have ready every book but cannot seem to find any answers!

shanrob1022010 · January 2012

Karen1998:

Honestly, everything you've listed points to a very overtired child. If it had suddenly changed, I'd vote 4MW, but it sounds like you've had this going on for a long time.

Have you read any sleep books? I like Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. Some really like Ferber, and what I know of his principles do make sense, though they're not for everyone. The other book I hear mentioned often is The No Cry Sleep Solution. While 4 months is a bit early to sleep train (talk to your doctor), you can begin to work some of the principles into your routine (such as "sleep begets sleep") and make small changes.

I should have mentioned that my LO fighting her sleep has just started to happen these last few weeks. I have read that a 4 month old should be awake for 1 hour and 45 minutes to 2 hours and I'm doing less. I have read Ferbers book but I'm not too fond of CIO. My pedi. has already suggested to start sleep training but I'm not ready just yet.

shanrob1022010 · January 2012

jackiemf:
This sounds a lot like our situation. LO was never a big fan of sleep but I could usually get him to take his usual 4 naps a day with little fuss and he would sleep anywhere from 30 - 90 minutes. Now with in the last week he will scream when you even start to rock him and when you put him down will jolt awake so now naps are really hard to come by. I am ready to pull my hair out. It feels like we are already doing CIO. I would deperately like some help as well, but I wanted you to know that you are not alone. I have ready every book but cannot seem to find any answers!

My LO does the same thing when I put her down and the minute I start to rock her. I have found that if I hold her while standing up for a bit and sing or hum it calms her down so she doesn't fuss as much when I rock her but that doesn't happen alot. I too have read some books but nothing is helping!

Karen1998 · January 2012

shanrob1022010:
Karen1998:

Honestly, everything you've listed points to a very overtired child. If it had suddenly changed, I'd vote 4MW, but it sounds like you've had this going on for a long time.

Have you read any sleep books? I like Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. Some really like Ferber, and what I know of his principles do make sense, though they're not for everyone. The other book I hear mentioned often is The No Cry Sleep Solution. While 4 months is a bit early to sleep train (talk to your doctor), you can begin to work some of the principles into your routine (such as "sleep begets sleep") and make small changes.

I should have mentioned that my LO fighting her sleep has just started to happen these last few weeks. I have read that a 4 month old should be awake for 1 hour and 45 minutes to 2 hours and I'm doing less. I have read Ferbers book but I'm not too fond of CIO. My pedi. has already suggested to start sleep training but I'm not ready just yet.

If you don't want to do CIO, look at the other two books I mentioned. Dr. Weissbluth's book does mention CIO as part of a method, but you could try it without it.

I did notice DS being awake for longer periods of time at 4m. We'd actually reworked to 3-4 naps a day, shooting for two 1.5-2 hour naps and at least one 45 minute one. I tweaked his naps for a while (he was a good napper so I usually just had to shorten his long ones) to fit that range and found that he was quite happy with this schedule.

However, I had no cure for the 4MW and how it showed up in our house. He still would wake up at least once a night and happily shriek for 30 minutes or so. Sometimes, he'd do this multiple times a night. Since he's in our room, that was quite disruptive at 4am. He also hit a nasty growth spurt right after 4m, which put him back to newborn times for feedings.

I say he "was" a good napper as the holidays filled with family here and then travel for us and him and I both getting sick after yielded a good sleeper at night (mostly) and a crappy napper. Now that we're both feeling better, I've been riding him this week trying to get napping back in control. It took me five or six tries to finally get him down for his afternoon nap. He's so overtired today as I had a series of coughing fits last night that kept him up. I finally switched rooms and I should have done it sooner. Anyway, my point is that I've been following Dr. Weissbluth's methods this week and they're helpful. He made me realize that we were putting DS to bed too late and we bumped it back about 20-30 minutes last night with no issue. He conked right out and woke up at the normal time. I also used his book when DS was quite young to see if it would help. At that point, the "sleep begets sleep" principle was the most helpful.

laurelnikki · January 2012

shanrob1022010:
Does anyone else's LO fight sleep really bad??? My LO just turned 4 months old on Monday and we have not started sleep training yet. I rock her for naps and at night. Everytime I try to rock her for her naps, she fights and crys. This has just started happening in the last few weeks. I usually just keep her up for an hour and twenty minutes or a little longer at a time. If I wait to put her down later or if I put her down earlier, it doesn't matter. She is very alert and rarely shows tired cues but I know if I keep her up, she will be really fussy. She also only takes 30 minute naps. She used to take great naps but that changed months ago. The only time she has taken a two hour nap is when she was breastfeeding and fell aleep on me. She doesn't like to be swaddled. Does anyone have a similar situation? Is this the 4 month wakeful period? She will be tired as I'm rocking her and her eyes will roll around but she just fights going to sleep so bad!!!

THANKS

this is my child exactly except she bee doing this since she was 2 months. I know she is tired but just fights and screams as soon as i pick her up... i'm at a loss as well

Duffgurl · January 2012

https://pregnant.thebump.com/new-mom-new-dad/newborn-basics/qa/4-month-wakeful-period.aspx

lrd5 · December 2013

I found this while searching because I am going through the same thing! How long did this take to get resolved. What did you do? I am in tears pretty much every day over this because I dont know what to do for her.

MyBaby2013 · December 2013

https://violet-sleepbabysleep.blogspot.com/2012/08/sleep-regression.html?m=1#.Uq0oCnm9LCQ
This article has helped me understand my 4 month old sleep regression GL!

taraleanne · December 2013

normal normal normal! Sorry ladies, you just sorta have to roll with the punches. It's difficult and quite frankly it lasts a long time. I say this is 4 month wakeful, but good opportunity to start healthy sleep habits. My son (6m) just started to finally stop fighting sleep so much. He now loves naps and goes down quiet easily. You do not need to CIO. Pick an approach and be consistent, patient and yes, sometimes just do whatever you have to do to get that baby sleep cause an overtired baby is a cranky one. Naps will get longer if you can help LO to fall asleep mostly on their own. It won't happen overnight though, you need to work on it. Watch for sleepy cues (it's probably 2 hours or less), and start the wind-down routine like 15-20 minutes before he or she must be asleep. You'll need a quiet routine, dark room, low stimulation. Here's what we do:

I change his diaper and start talking about sleep, then we sit in the rocker and read a book or two and cuddle. Then I turn off the light and put him over my shoulder and we cuddle, rock side to side and I pat his back, he melts into my arms and lays his head on my shoulder and I give him a soother too. If he's not putting his head on my shoulder within a few minutes then I know that I've missed the mark and I'm either too early or too late so it all takes longer but usually now he knows the routine and he likes it. I sing or hum and cuddle him and then eventually put him down. Most of the time he just rolls over, grabs his security blanket and falls asleep. If he doesn't,I repeat the process until he does. Never CIO. It will get better but you'll need to be consistent. We do the same at bedtime only add a bath and nursing in there.

Good luck and hang in there!

momof2buggs · December 2013

I would put my daughter in her crib and let her cry it out while I took a long shower, because it was too hard to listen to her. It worked well. After about a week, I would put her in her crib, awake, and she would fall asleep without a peep! It was amazing.

taraleanne · December 2013

momof2buggs said:

I would put my daughter in her crib and let her cry it out while I took a long shower, because it was too hard to listen to her. It worked well. After about a week, I would put her in her crib, awake, and she would fall asleep without a peep! It was amazing.

I'm sorry "because it was too hard to listen to her" ? Give me a break, you are her mother, you suck it up and take care of your child. At 4 months old?? I understand why people use CIO in an older baby but 4 months is WAY too young IMO. OP please do not let your 4 m old cry it out and take a shower, that sounds like neglect to me. I won't even let my 6m old "cry it out". 4 months old is a huge developmental leap and you are instilling trust and love into your child, don't let your child cry to the point of exhaustion to get them to sleep.

MyBaby2013 · December 2013

taraleanne said:

momof2buggs said:

I would put my daughter in her crib and let her cry it out while I took a long shower, because it was too hard to listen to her. It worked well. After about a week, I would put her in her crib, awake, and she would fall asleep without a peep! It was amazing.

I'm sorry "because it was too hard to listen to her" ? Give me a break, you are her mother, you suck it up and take care of your child. At 4 months old?? I understand why people use CIO in an older baby but 4 months is WAY too young IMO. OP please do not let your 4 m old cry it out and take a shower, that sounds like neglect to me. I won't even let my 6m old "cry it out". 4 months old is a huge developmental leap and you are instilling trust and love into your child, don't let your child cry to the point of exhaustion to get them to sleep.

Couldn't agree more!! @momof2buggs please keep that kind of advice to yourself. This is a fragile time for a BABY and soothing them is your responsibility. Sorry it's inconvenient for you to do what is emotionally heathly for your child. Running away and ignoring an infants cries certainly isn't ok.

momof2buggs · December 2013

MyBaby2013 said:

momof2buggs said:

I would put my daughter in her crib and let her cry it out while I took a long shower, because it was too hard to listen to her. It worked well. After about a week, I would put her in her crib, awake, and she would fall asleep without a peep! It was amazing.

I'm sorry "because it was too hard to listen to her" ? Give me a break, you are her mother, you suck it up and take care of your child. At 4 months old?? I understand why people use CIO in an older baby but 4 months is WAY too young IMO. OP please do not let your 4 m old cry it out and take a shower, that sounds like neglect to me. I won't even let my 6m old "cry it out". 4 months old is a huge developmental leap and you are instilling trust and love into your child, don't let your child cry to the point of exhaustion to get them to sleep.
Couldn't agree more!! @momof2buggs please keep that kind of advice to yourself. This is a fragile time for a BABY and soothing them is your responsibility. Sorry it's inconvenient for you to do what is emotionally heathly for your child. Running away and ignoring an infants cries certainly isn't ok.

Lol! Wow! I have just as much freedom to post what I want, where I want. If you don't like it, don't read it. We all do what works for us.

taraleanne · December 2013

momof2buggs said:

MyBaby2013 said:

momof2buggs said:

I would put my daughter in her crib and let her cry it out while I took a long shower, because it was too hard to listen to her. It worked well. After about a week, I would put her in her crib, awake, and she would fall asleep without a peep! It was amazing.

I'm sorry "because it was too hard to listen to her" ? Give me a break, you are her mother, you suck it up and take care of your child. At 4 months old?? I understand why people use CIO in an older baby but 4 months is WAY too young IMO. OP please do not let your 4 m old cry it out and take a shower, that sounds like neglect to me. I won't even let my 6m old "cry it out". 4 months old is a huge developmental leap and you are instilling trust and love into your child, don't let your child cry to the point of exhaustion to get them to sleep.
Couldn't agree more!! @momof2buggs please keep that kind of advice to yourself. This is a fragile time for a BABY and soothing them is your responsibility. Sorry it's inconvenient for you to do what is emotionally heathly for your child. Running away and ignoring an infants cries certainly isn't ok.

Lol! Wow! I have just as much freedom to post what I want, where I want. If you don't like it, don't read it. We all do what works for us.

You can go ahead and post whatever you want, that's not what we are arguing and yes we all do what works for us BUT letting a FOUR MONTH OLD BABY CRY IT OUT IS MEAN MEAN MEAN!!! That's my opinion. My son is 6 months old and there is no fu%king way I'd let him cry it out at 4 months old. You let your baby cry to a point of exhaustion for heaven's sake even the CIO "experts" don't suggest using that method till 6 months or older. Also, the way you suggested it "because it was too hard to listen to her?" makes me question your entire parenting style. Look, I don't like getting myself covered in $hit when he poops on the diaper table but am I just going to let him sit in it because "it's too stinky". Umm, no. When you become a parent you deal with crying and you COMFORT YOUR CHILD WHO IS CRYING BECAUSE THEY HAVE A NEED ITS THEIR OWN WAY OF COMMUNICATING. I'm not even an anti-cio fanatic, despite the fact that I don't think it would work for me, I just feel very very strongly that 4 months is way way way way too young.

momof2buggs · December 2013

@taraleanne I highly suggest you get over it. I am not bothered that you disagree with me, and you would benefit from not letting people get your goat.

taraleanne · December 2013

@momof2buggs there is nothing to get over honey. I rarely get worked up on this board and don't care of people disagree with me or not, I just feel quite strongly that 4 months is too young for CIO and I would like to discourage the OP from using this method at this age. For most things I'm all about a parents individual choices but having an infant myself I just can't fathom CIO in a baby so young and at such a crucial age in their mental development. Look up wonder weeks. If you would have just been patient with your baby she would have gotten over the "leap" on her own and you wouldn't have had to let her CIO at all.

momof2buggs · December 2013

Like I said, we do what works for us. Again, I'm sorry if you disagree with me. There isn't anything you can do to change my view, so please stop trying.

taraleanne · December 2013

maryannespier said:

I would put my daughter in her crib and let her cry it out while I took a long shower, because it was too hard to listen to her. It worked well. After about a week, I would put her in her crib, awake, and she would fall asleep without a peep! It was amazing.
Your baby stopped crying because she realized no one was listening or responding to her needs. That's so sad it makes ME want to cry.

She fell asleep crying because she exhausted herself out.

I realize that you do what works for you - we all do that - I just really wish people wouldn't let young babies cry it out. I am not trying to convince you otherwise put maybe science will make you reconsider should you ever have a child again :

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/denene-millner/cry-it-out_b_1163864.html

Quote:

"When babies are stressed, their bodies release cortisol into their systems -- a toxic hormone that kills brain cells. Considering their brains are only 25 percent developed when they're born full-term and grow rapidly in their first year, killing off baby brain cells is a huge no bueno."

Babies are stressed enough as it is, why would we add to that? I never let my baby CIO, ever, and I put him in his crib awake and he falls asleep on his own too.

NEW MOMS: CIO IS NOT YOUR ONLY OPTION!

maize27 · December 2013

In addition to the books mentioned, I will say that when my LO turned 4 months she started not really wanting to be rocked to sleep as much for naps. Now if she is arching her back away from me I put her down and pat her side/back with her sound machine on until she relaxes into sleep. Personally, I know that most moms on this board say their Los aren't awake for more than 2 hours. This has never been the case with my DD and my pedi doesn't think much of it at all. They are all different and she may not be tired yet. Just a thought- of course you know that best.

momof2buggs · December 2013

Lol. Sorry ladies. I'm not changing my stance.

Slpafford · December 2013

maryannespier said:

momof2buggs said:
I would put my daughter in her crib and let her cry it out while I took a long shower, because it was too hard to listen to her. It worked well. After about a week, I would put her in her crib, awake, and she would fall asleep without a peep! It was amazing.
Your baby stopped crying because she realized no one was listening or responding to her needs. That's so sad it makes ME want to cry.

I agree @maryannespier...this is so sad. That poor baby.

MyBaby2013 · December 2013

momof2buggs said:
Lol. Sorry ladies. I'm not changing my stance.

Yea we get that, we obviously can't change your mind about leaving an emotionally distraut infant alone to cry to the point of exhaustion. Laugh it up, because your baby isn't. I think we all just feel awful for your child and hope that no one listens to your ignorant advice.

LiylaRae · December 2013

MyBaby2013 said:

momof2buggs said:
Lol. Sorry ladies. I'm not changing my stance.
Yea we get that, we obviously can't change your mind about leaving an emotionally distraut infant alone to cry to the point of exhaustion. Laugh it up, because your baby isn't. I think we all just feel awful for your child and hope that no one listens to your ignorant advice.

This! Please OP don't let your baby CIO. We are going through the same regression here, actually going on a month now. It's tough but just remember it will soon be over too. It may not seem like it but it will. Just give your babes extra cuddles and love during this time and drink lots of coffee!!

taraleanne · December 2013

OP: look up wonder weeks. i love the app!

charpe · January 2014

I don't post on this board often, but just want to play devils advocate for a minute for the sake of healthy debate....

First of all, I'm NOT a fan of CIO. However, some mothers interchange the words 'crying' and 'fussing'. I will frequently let my 3month old fuss it out. Full fledged crying is another story, and I will comfort her.

That said, having worked in child welfare, sometimes if a mom knows her own frustration tolerance well enough to know that she needs a break from crying... By taking a shower for 10 mins or just closing LOs bedroom door... This can be better in the long run and actually reduces incidents of child abuse due to new parent frustration/exhaustion. In a perfect world, new parents have all the support from family & friends that they need, and can have someone else soothe baby while they take a break and re-center. But, the reality is, it's not a perfect world.

I'm not sticking up for the OP here, but it's important to know yourself in order to safely care for a baby.

XmasDivine · January 2014

Original poster - you are not alone! We are in the same boat with our 3.5 month old! We just keep doing everything in the book to try and get her to nap! I think I'm going to take some of the advice on the board when they start 15-10 mins ahead of nap time with a little calming routine! Seems better to me than going from her playing - i spot a yawn - to our rocking routine.. which obviously isn't working well.. I think it is just going to take a lot of patience and persistence!! Then we will have happy babies who love nap time

taraleanne · January 2014

XmasDivine said:

Original poster - you are not alone! We are in the same boat with our 3.5 month old! We just keep doing everything in the book to try and get her to nap! I think I'm going to take some of the advice on the board when they start 15-10 mins ahead of nap time with a little calming routine! Seems better to me than going from her playing - i spot a yawn - to our rocking routine.. which obviously isn't working well.. I think it is just going to take a lot of patience and persistence!! Then we will have happy babies who love nap time

YES -what you said in bold above is VERY important. This is KEY, in my opinion. Especially with a baby around 3.5/4 months old. They are getting really observant and their minds are racing with all the new information. Most adults can't go from a stimulated state to sleep very quickly, why would we expect a baby to? They need a calming, soothing routine that is consistent to help them gear down. Just keep it up.

hmlynch84 · January 2014

I have a 4 month old and I have found that doing the same routine for nap time everyday has increased the amount of time he will sleep and has helped him go to sleep much quicker than before. Definitely try to keep things quiet, calm and dark/dim to help them get drowsy and not so distracted. White noise, a sleep suit and a lovie have helped my LO recognize that it's nap time and his eyes close a few minutes after he starts nursing.

Rowcate · January 2014

momof2buggs said:
Lol. Sorry ladies. I'm not changing my stance.

That's sad you find humor in your lazy put yourself first parenting attitude while your poor little one suffers from that broken trust. I hope next time you need comfort someone walks away from you until you stop because it was too hard to listen to you.

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