working opposing schedules, with new baby

workitmom84 · December 2013

Hey everyone - I usually post a little bit in the February 2014 board but feel like this board is also appropriate to my situation.

We are expecting our first in late February, and I am trying to figure out what to do about daycare, etc. Would love some opinions from you ladies on how to manage everything when I return to work! I work "regular" hours, 8:30am to 4:30 or so. My H is in the military and works nights, 9pm-6am. I am feeling like for the first few months, I would like to avoid daycare/daycare costs. Not that money is a huge concern but why not save while we can?

I guess my main questions are - Is it too much to ask that we not put her in daycare right away? He says that he needs to be able to sleep before going to work. His job is not any more or less demanding than mine, and I can agree that working nights probably sucks. But all night while he works, I will be waking up for feedings and what not, and still have to work the next day. I'm an SLP and my job isn't physically demanding, but I definitely have to be "on" for back-to-back sessions.

Does anyone have any experience with working somewhat opposite shifts, or any thoughts?

jf198400 · December 2013

Yes it is too much to ask. When exactly is your husband going to sleep??? Yes you will be getting up at night, but babies typically wake every 4hrs at night, and sleep roughly 12hrs. They only nap about 3hrs during the day (and that might be broken up into 30minute increments). So if you think your DH will be able to sleep when the baby sleeps, thats not a whole lot. I don't want to be rude, but this is very inconsiderate to your husband. Put baby in daycare or get a babysitter. Yes its expensive, but well worth the cost.

JoJo716 · December 2013

Hi! I am dropping in from May 13. We also work opposite schedules and it works, it is tough. My dh feels like he never gets enough sleep or free time and he really doesn't. I at least have the evenings to wind down. I also feel like I never get enough time with dh. I am either working or he is sleeping. We also could not do it without my mom watching him sometimes if our schedules overlap or dh needs sleep. However, it is nice because we save on daycare and dh loves spending time with ds. ETA- I also work part time and it is really tough. I can't imagine full time. I was thinking the other day, if it were financially worth it, day care would be much easier.

workitmom84 · December 2013

@ jf - It's not rude at all, I appreciate the input.

@JoJo - That was one of my other concerns, I worry about quality time with baby and husband, and making it all work.

I didn't want my original post to come off as bratty, I just don't know what to expect and thought that she would sleep more during the day. I like the idea of getting her used to the structure of what her days will be like in daycare, but wasn't sure if I could leave her with my H a little longer.

Edit for clarification.

shannm · December 2013

I would use daycare. The opposing shifts often causes extreme fatigue and resentment hurting marriages.

CarrieB. · December 2013

My DH and I work opposite shifts, but his hours are shorter, so he's home by midnight and can sleep before I go to work in the morning. What you are describing with your DH sleeping during the day when the baby naps - I don't think think this would work.

laurakaz13 · December 2013

Definitely agree with the other ladies. Sleep becomes less frequent with a newborn anyway. But not putting your child in daycare will be too much for your husband.

Take it from someone who is also in the military, I need to be on my game at work at all times. Lack of sleep is not an option. Daycare or a sitter at your house would be my suggestions.

jlaOK · December 2013

I agree with the others - some daycare will be needed. Like @Kimbus22 I think thy you should look for half day care - sitter, center, or at-home daycares. If you husband is in the military then I assume you are near a base. Typically flexible daycare options or people looking for sitting jobs are easy to find near military bases.

If you find a half day option that works your new baby will still benefit greatly for having a half day home with dad. Hope you find something that works out. Good luck.

mhickey426 · December 2013

It will be hard for him to function if he doesn't get sleep which could lead to an unsafe situation for the baby

Myaflowers · December 2013

My husband and I work opposite shifts and have an 11 month old. He gets home by 2 or 3 am and can get a few hours in before I have to leave for work. Even then, he is tired most of the time. I don't think it would work well with your husband's schedule. I second the idea about having a sitter come in until your husband gets up!

Myaflowers · December 2013

My husband and I work opposite shifts and have an 11 month old. He gets home by 2 or 3 am and can get a few hours in before I have to leave for work. Even then, he is tired most of the time. I don't think it would work well with your husband's schedule. I second the idea about having a sitter come in until your husband gets up!

SunAndRain · December 2013

Year 1 with baby is all about survival.

This is the time to spend money on ways to make your life easier. After that things get easier, options open up, and you can refocus on cost saving.

Virgo17 · December 2013

I think you could get away with part-time care. Have someone come to the house when you need to leave in the morning and stay until mid-day so DH can get a good chunk of sleep in. He could also squeeze in a nap before work.

I do not think zero care is feasible, but part-time care could definitely work.

workitmom84 · December 2013

Thanks for the input, I want everybody to be as happy and healthy as possible so it's time to do more research into our care options! I appreciate my H so much and know how hard it can be for him to get the right sleep.

kristennd · December 2013

We tried this originally. DH was already working nights.

He found it much more difficult to deal with the lack of sleep during the day than I did during the night, although it was certainly rough on us both. Bit by bit, he dropped individual shifts (he could; most can't) until he was only working weekends.

The fact we never saw each other was really rough too. Not just the lack of interacting, but knowing you were always on your own with the baby. It's psychologically exhausting.

And this was DH's idea in the first place. The fact that your DH doesn't want to do it makes it pretty much impossible to carry off, I'd think.

(My father worked out of town for two weeks at a time when we were little. My mother had someone come in four hours a day just so she could sleep. It worked well.)

dmlk413 · December 2013

My husband and I work opposing schedules and DD goes to daycare. Yes, I lose sleep at night but it's nothing compared to how little sleep DH would get if DD stayed home with him in the day. I don't know what kind of work your DH does but it could be a pretty serious safety issue if my DH didn't sleep before going to work.

ss+el · December 2013

Could one of you switch so that your workweek includes weekends, at least for now?

When DS was almost 2, DH started working overnights (he was SAHD until then). We both worked a mix of weekdays and weekends and I work a mix of days and evenings, so we were able to avoid daycare most days, since there was often one of us home & awake with DS during the day.

Younger than that, I don't think it would have worked.

lexusolsen · December 2013

I bet you could find a mom on base who would be willing to be your part-time care. She could make some extra money and your DH could get some sleep.

Sunidaze · December 2013

DH and I are opposite shifts and have been since the birth of our child. He is a cop and I am in HR. LO has been in daycare since 8 weeks and wouldn't have done it any other way. I know people who do what you are suggesting and have been doing it for more than 2 years...however, it seems the husband takes an awful lot of time off because of this.

For the record, working overnights doesn't 'probably' suck...it seriously does suck. DH doesn't get the quality sleep that people who work a 'normal' shift would - phone rings constantly with telemarketers/whatever other garbage phone calls (can't turn the phone off due to his job...same reason we can't get rid of the landline), people knocking on the door, trying to squeeze time in to get stuff done around the house, etc.

Shelly038 · December 2013

workitmom84 said:

Hey everyone - I usually post a little bit in the February 2014 board but feel like this board is also appropriate to my situation.
We are expecting our first in late February, and I am trying to figure out what to do about daycare, etc. Would love some opinions from you ladies on how to manage everything when I return to work! I work "regular" hours, 8:30am to 4:30 or so. My H is in the military and works nights, 9pm-6am. I am feeling like for the first few months, I would like to avoid daycare/daycare costs. Not that money is a huge concern but why not save while we can?
I guess my main questions are - Is it too much to ask that we not put her in daycare right away? He says that he needs to be able to sleep before going to work. His job is not any more or less demanding than mine, and I can agree that working nights probably sucks. But all night while he works, I will be waking up for feedings and what not, and still have to work the next day. I'm an SLP and my job isn't physically demanding, but I definitely have to be "on" for back-to-back sessions.
Does anyone have any experience with working somewhat opposite shifts, or any thoughts?

I didn't read the previous responses but we were in the same situation as you. I work 7:30-3:30 and husband works nights (10:30-6:30). My husband actually wanted to keep DD home with him during the day and sleep when she slept. Boy is he glad that I said that would be a bad idea. We had a very poor napper. She might have slept 20 minutes straight before waking on a good day. He would NEVER have slept if he had kept her at home. It really is too much to ask (which you couldn't have possibly known before being in the situation). Enroll your LO in daycare!

Piper1Chapman · December 2013

Definitely use daycare. He'll have plenty of quality time with her, even if you pick her up at 4:30 when you get out of work.

MammaBear81 · December 2013

I work 8:30-5:30, DH works 11pm-7am... We work opposite shifts, when he gets home in the morning he watches the kids until 3pm, we have an au pair to cover from 3-6pm and then I'm home to take over. So depending on your shifts it is possible, or at least be able to cut down on daycare costs, we only need 15 hours a week (less actually because I'm home at 3:00 on Wednesdays, but I use that time to run errands and take the kids to activities)

aimlessone · December 2013

He will need some help at least part time. DH did this for a week before DD1 went into daycare and it was not pretty. Even though she was good and napped well with him (he was like a sleep drug, put her down next to him and she was out), he still dragged at night at work. He needs to get at least a nice block of sleep.

laurasuzanne2006 · January 2014

You need some child care. I work 12 hour nights and DH works 8-4. I will watch her the day before i have to go to work but in between shifts it is not optional. I tried watching her when i got off in the morning when i didn't have to work the next night and even that was too much. I pick her up from a babysitter at noon. I think you can limit it but you still need someone. By the time you go back to work baby will be awake during the day a whole lot more. With my daughter i probably would have gotten max 3 hours of sleep each day which is not enough. Plus naps arent always guaranteed

workitmom84 · January 2014

I'm so happy that this got a lot of responses - it kind of reinforced what I already knew, but it didn't hurt to hear it again. I'm so glad that I don't have to work nights, and can appreciate what he has to deal with. Hopefully one of the centers we have contacted will have a part time schedule available, or like some of you mentioned, maybe we can find someone to fill the gaps between our schedules. Thanks everyone!

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