What's your method for disciplining children?

gina0485 · December 2013

We need a new topic to change the tempo on the board today. As a FTM, I know nothing of disciplining a child and thankfully won't need to know for quite a while yet. For any moms out there, what are your methods?

moosebaby2011 · December 2013

At this point in DS's life DH and I use redirection with the occasional time out. The time outs are not that effective, though, because DS really likes counting and will occasionally put himself in the time out spot and start listing off the numbers that he knows!

salsamommy · December 2013

As long as it isn't what the crazy Laura_Elaine who spanks for not eating and swats a 6 month old for wiggling on the change table, I think you're good with whatever you decide!

In all seriousness though, I always try to make DS understand what he's done is wrong. I tried the "naughty step" and time outs, but those didn't work for him. Lately with our elf "Timmy" he's much better. He's also beginning to understand that he needs to apologize for doing something wrong.

angiek1 · December 2013

I have a 2.5 year old. She is very smart and picks up on things VERY quickly. We use the time-out method in our house. If she is throwing a fit, screaming, and making a scene we send her to her room. I tell her that her behavior won't be tolerated and until she can calm down she can cool off in her room. That method actually really works for us.

I also make her look me in the eyes when we are talking after a blow up. I talk very calmly to her and tell her what she did wrong. I make her repeat it back to me. We end every timeout situation with a hug and I tell her I love her very much. When she gets to 3 we will make her tell us why she is in timeout, but I don't think she is quite there yet.

Now the timeout method doesn't work each and every time, but it is our method. We don't give in to her demands either.

Another thing we do is we follow through with what we say we will do. So if we give to the count of three, she doesn't get to the count of 10 to do what we asked. I know a lot of parents that ask their kids to do something and by the 20th time of asking the kid it's like "hello clearly they don't give a crap what you want them to do". Alice gets to the count of three to adhere to our requests. If she doesn't do it then we put her in timeout until she can listen better.

I will say I'm pretty strict and I'm okay with that. I let Alice make decisions to express her individuality and independence. This helps with the power struggle that we are facing with the terrible two's. We let her pick out her clothing, pick the night time books we read, choose water or milk with dinner, etc; however when mommy or daddy say to do something she better do so.

We've only spanked her once and that was because she kept running into the street. One spank and never happened again. I am not a fan of spanking, but the situation was extreme and we needed her attention immediately as timeouts and other methods weren't working.

Hope that helps.

LMCB12 · December 2013

I've been doing redirection and just started time outs. DS so far hates the time outs. After he calms down I always try to reiterate why he's there.

Jen4033 · December 2013

DS has quite the personality. He will be bossy or not listening one moment & as soon as I ask him if he needs a time out, he suddenly gets out his sweet voice & starts listening. Time outs tend to work in our house. Typical rule of thumb for them is 1 minute for each year of age. Before he gets to come out of it though, he gets to sit & talk with us to be sure he knows why he was there & what he needs to do differently.

Occasionally I have had to take away a current favorite toy, but that usually lasts a few minutes before he is wanting to do what I have asked him to.

Redirection is typically my first go to though.. time outs and/or toy removal is if redirection doesn't work. Making sure he is looking at me when I talk to him has made a big difference too.

sugarland726 · December 2013

We do time outs when the situation warrants it. We are not against spanking, but only in situations of grave danger, like being in a pool when I told her not to or running out into the street. Thankfully, she is a fairly obedient child. She has sass and attitude, but for the most part, we don't have to discipline too much. When she doesn't listen at bedtime then we take stuffed animals away from her to sleep with overnight. That usually works pretty well.

Deblondie1 · December 2013

Mostly counting to 3 followed by re-direction. If that fails, time outs. Emme is a really good kid but she's getting sassier every day lol That combined with her developmental stage and we will have our hands full soon!

ach298 · December 2013

We do redirection and time outs in the corner. He is still so young and I don't think he really gets timeouts yet, but we want to set a precedent early so he at least knows that our rules have some consequences when not followed. We spank only if he is doing something dangerous, which has been very rare fortunately.

LimeDrops · December 2013

A little bit of everything. Our base is talking everything out... About their feelings, other peoples feelings, asking them to repeat why they are in trouble, explaining why certain rules are there. In combination with timeouts, redirection, stern voices, consequences, even occasional spanking... All used together sees to be working well for us. Our number one priority is to follow through, so we have to make sure that what we threaten is actually something we are ok with doing.
DS and DD have very different personalities so even though the methods come for our same playbook, we do have to adjust to each of them.

sugarland726 · December 2013

LimeDrops said:

DS and DD have very different personalities so even though the methods come for our same playbook, we do have to adjust to each of them.

This is an excellent point. What works for one kid will not work for another. If we yell at DD she will burst into tears. But calmly explaining things works much better for my very sensitive child. Any method you think you will do now will need to be fluid and adjusted to be tailor made to your child.

SandFHasse · December 2013

I have a 15 month old. Right now we use redirection and time outs. For the most part it works. If she does something dangerous like play with electric cords its a spanking, but she laughs when I spank her.

kschref · December 2013

We are first time parents, so we won't know what work for us for a while. DH is convinced he can just tell the kid (any age apparently) to go run laps around the house or something and wear himself out. As somebody who taught middle school for 8 years, I have certain views on how I want to discipline, especially an older child, but I'm dying to watch DH try his "awesome system".

FSUNole31 · December 2013

We use a lot of redirection and we use time outs for big things like climbing on the fireplace or going out the dog door. We are not opposed to spanking and will for extreme or dangerous situations. My son is still pretty young though, so we mostly use redirection and a firm no. He has recently started throwing toys if angry so we take them away for a few minutes now to try and get the point across that we don't throw things.

kschref · December 2013

@FSUNole31 - LOL at going out the dog door. Hadn't even considered that - something else to look forward to!

JuliaH21 · December 2013

DD just turned 2, so we're just starting to get into more than redirection (which still works in a lot of instances). I guess she is a pretty good kid, usually a stern voice is all it takes (and if it's Daddy using the stern voice it usually makes her break down in tears). She is getting a little defiant, the only thing she really has problems with is coloring on things she isn't suppose to (and knows she's not). I'll tell her to stop and remind her where she can color once. The second time I'll ask if we need to throw her 'color' (usually a crayon, sometimes a pen) away. If there is a third time, we throw it away. I make her walk over to the trash and be the one to do that. Right now that works really well and there are very few times she's had to throw anything away.

We also talk about everything with her once she is calmed down if she is crying, and make sure she understands what happened. And as pp have mentioned, we end everything with a hug and telling her we love her (especially DH, and I'm pretty sure that is as much for his benefit as her's)

rowanthefrog · December 2013

1-2-3 Magic has been a godsend to us...I use it on my 2 yr old and its very effective on my 5 year old.

https://www.amazon.com/1-2-3-Magic-Effective-Discipline-Children/dp/1889140430

BabyHokie2014 · December 2013

I second @rowanthefrog's suggestion of 1-2-3 Magic. Has worked really well for us, but dd is 2.5. Before 2ish, it didn't really work that well, but redirection is really all that works until that age.

growingmybun · December 2013

If you have a tantrum, you don't get your way. Ever.

lolinshag · December 2013

kschref said:
We are first time parents, so we won't know what work for us for a while. DH is convinced he can just tell the kid (any age apparently) to go run laps around the house or something and wear himself out. As somebody who taught middle school for 8 years, I have certain views on how I want to discipline, especially an older child, but I'm dying to watch DH try his "awesome system".

My dad started doing this when i was 12 and he was my soccer coach. except we live on 200 acres, and he would make me run to the back wow he followed in the Jeep. Lol, it worked.

Piach · December 2013

DD is almost 3 and we use timeouts. We don't really have a lot of problems with behavior that needs discipline. Right now we are battling is whiny. So, basically, if she whines, we "can't hear her" and she doesn't get what she wants.

DD doesn't mind timeouts - I think that she appreciates the time to "gather" herself. Yesterday, she put herself in timeout.

buckeyebride22 · December 2013

I've tried counting to three. He thinks we're practicing numbers and counts with me. He's 23 months. I do a combo of timeouts if he's really out of line or using my stern voice to say he's hurting me (right now our issue is he gets very mad at me if I don't do what he wants and tries to hit or scratch me). Usually that is enough to lead to utter devastation. If it doesn't I ask if he wants me to tell daddy what he did. That works the best. Heaven forbid daddy be disappointed in him lol.

Shannahbee · December 2013

I have no children (yet) but today I was at Target and overheard a Mom 'disciplining' her young son- from what I understand he needed to go to the dentist but didn't want to... Not sure if he was afraid to go or what. But his Mom told him that since he wouldn't go to the dentist, Christmas was cancelled because Santa doesn't visit boys with cavities. (Sidenote: Not sure, but I think that's actually the Tooth Fairy?) The little boy started FREAKING OUT and was inconsolable. Poor guy...
So I know how I WON'T be discipling my kid(s)... Haha.

LexGator · December 2013

In theory, we would use timeouts. In reality, they do not work right now. My DD is 2.5, going through the terrible twos (though she has been much better in the last month or so), and very strong willed. Put those things together, and you have a child who will not sit (or stand or whatever other tactic I've tried) in timeout.

Redirection worked well for a while and still works sometimes. I try to remove her from the situation and reason with her/talk her through the meltdown or misbehavior, and that has been the most effective strategy for now. I'm sure my discipline strategy will evolve/change as she grows up, and who knows, it could be entirely different with this baby. Like I said, DD is very strong-willed, so she is a tough one.

MamaP19 · December 2013

DD doesn't understand time-outs yet so we really only use redirection at this point. Good baby-proofing is key. The more things I can keep away from her and out of her reach that she shouldn't have, the better. Lately, our issue has been climbing. She will climb on anything and everything. There is no way that I've found to keep her off of the couch or recliner and the second I am out of sight that's where she goes. Unfortunately, she has fallen off twice (no damage done) but it hasn't made her any less eager. She's also in the phase where she hits when she doesn't get her way. I foresee a lot of time-outs in our future.

aessary03 · December 2013

I've changed styles over the years and kind of learned trial and error what does and doesn't work with Emma. I did timeouts for a while, but when it became more of a chore getting her to stay in timeout than it was worth, I stopped doing that. We used to make her pick out a toy to put on top of the refrigerator and then she had to earn it back through good behavior. Now, we ground or have her do an extra chore or something like that. But she's older, so we can do stuff like that and have it be effective. If she's being exceptionally horrible, we'll have her pick out a toy to donate to like the Goodwill or something.

FSUNole31 · December 2013

@kschref it is so annoying!! I wouldn't mind as much except when he does it the dogs get all excited and they run around him (they are 60 and 80 pounds) and it makes me so nervous he will get hurt. He figured out he could do it right after he started walking at about 10 and half months...drives me crazy!

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