Christmas Dilemma

Kinipela7 · December 2013

DH and I both want to see our families on Christmas Day. The families live 1.5 hours apart. DH's family's get together is from 2pm-7pm and my family thing is from 5pm-9pm. We always end up rushing around and not enjoying families company because we are worried about the time and always have to rush out. His brother and my sister each have their own family and kids so a morning thing is not an option. My new nephew will be here from out of town this year and I really want to spend time with him before he goes to bed at 7:30pm. Normally, we go to his family from 1pm-4pm and mine from 5:45-8. Is there a better way to do this? How do you fix your holiday dilemma's? This is such a source of stress every year and if our house was big enough I would make everyone come to us but that's not an option. Help!

nunzchucks · December 2013

Is it possible for one family to get Christmas Eve and the other to have Christmas Day? Probably wouldn't work for this year, but next year, you are not going to want to be running all over with a 6 month old.

deepoceanmama · December 2013

Do you have to do all the travel on Christmas day? Could you do a Christmas Eve celebration at one house and Christmas day at the other?

My H and I avoid this by dividing holidays. We do a big Thanksgiving vacation with his family, and a big Christmas vacation with mine. It simplifies things for us.

Kinipela7 · December 2013

My sister and her nephew will be coming from FL and won't be around on Christmas Eve.

We always do Thanksgiving with my family because his family is always out of town and we are never invited. Thanksgiving is really small for us and it's never the whole family so I don't feel like it counts. Also if we were ever invited to his Thanksgiving then we would certainly switch that up.

This is definitely the last year I will be doing this. Hopefully we will have a house next year and people can come to us if they want to see us!

bebemac · December 2013

Lots of good ideas here! I like the alternating holidays or Christmas Eve/Christmas Day split. As PP said, next year you won't want to be traveling as much with a babe in tow! Hopefully one of these ideas will work for you, I can imagine how stressful it is!

Kinipela7 · December 2013

Thanks for the ideas! We have decided on his family from 2-5 then mine from 7-9. My baby nephew will likely be asleep by then but we can visit him the next day. This is what we normally do but its exhausting and always feels so rushed. And one time his brother showed up just as we were leaving so it kind of sucked. There's many people we want to see and lots of moving parts - I just have to remember that this is the last year we will be running around like crazy heads!

Bmcmullin01 · December 2013

We do Christmas with my side of the family in Christmas Eve and with the hubby's family on Christmas

tbmadeamistake · December 2013

lalala8 said:

When we got married, we decided to alternate holidays. This year was Thanksgiving with my family, Xmas with Hs family. Next year, we switch.

If it works out, we'll try to see both, but they all know if it's "their holiday" or not, so feelings can't get hurt.

I highly recommend it. It's worked out well for us.

This. We started when C was born. It's been so much easier! Generally, on the year's we're not at his family for Christmas, we do a brunch one weekend before or after, as they live close. If it's my family we missed, we go down in January for my birthday and see them then. It spreads it out a little bit and is fabulous. Way less stressful!

FutureMrsW9 · December 2013

We've been doing something similar for the past several years running all over creation, and now that baby is coming I made it clear that as soon as s/he is here we will be staying home on Christmas. iWhoever would like to come over is more than welcome, we'll ben our PJs and eating pancakes all day. And that'll be the end of running around everywhere and I'm sure with a new baby family will want to come to us, at least grandparents and siblings.

k2k2tog · December 2013

Wow. All that running around sounds crazy! I'm fortunate in that my husband is 7 years younger than his siblings, so his brothers had kind of already worked all this out, and his parents never expected anyone around for Christmas Day. We do a big Christmas get-together the weekend before Christmas, and then spend Christmas Day with my parents and siblings if they're around (we're a far flung family and they don't travel every year). I know so many people who go visit both sets of parents on Christmas Day though, and it always sounds hectic and not fun to me.

TonyaCody06 · December 2013

I have both sides come to me

snowpants · December 2013

Our situation is similar @kinipela7, in that our families are about 90 minutes apart and we try to fit both sides in each Christmas. And let me tell you, it's exhausting.

This year we were all set to finally start doing every other year but some family dynamics got in the way (a brother coming home who deploys to Afghanistan two weeks later was the biggest thing, we really wanted to see him) so we are once again splitting our day. It's worth it this year because of the circumstances, but honestly it sucks because it's stressful and you don't really get to enjoy any downtime on the holiday. Plus with a kid, I really miss not having time to sit and watch her enjoy her gifts and just starting our own family traditions. Next year we really want to do Christmas Eve/morning at our own house and then Christmas afternoon and evening with one family, switching for the next year. I know it's going to ruffle a few feathers because everyone wants to see us and doesn't care if we're stressed out about it or not, but we're putting our foot down.

Rosebud2587 · December 2013

We live in GA and both our families are in WI so when we so back to WI we're constantly running around. We usually have like 5+ different Christmases to hit up in a 2-3 day period. We've just come to realize that Christmas is a crazy time of year for us since it's the 1 time a year we get to see our entire family.

ricecakes1216 · December 2013

lalala8 said:

When we got married, we decided to alternate holidays. This year was Thanksgiving with my family, Xmas with Hs family. Next year, we switch.

If it works out, we'll try to see both, but they all know if it's "their holiday" or not, so feelings can't get hurt.

I highly recommend it. It's worked out well for us.

That's what we have decided. But we live 5 hours from H's family and we both work Christmas Eve and the day after Christmas so if they want to see us they have to come to us. H isn't close to his family so he is fine if they don't visit. When the baby comes we will insist that we don't travel. My parents will come to us and so will the in laws.

Mowill59 · December 2013

I have this problem too. We live 2 hours away from my family, my H's family lives in the same city as us. H's family comes over to our house on Christmas Eve. On Christmas we spend the morning at home so DS can open presents and then we go see my family for a few days. It's a lot easier than doing all of that in one day!

Ethanmom2008 · December 2013

I understand where you're coming from. We had a similar issue with 3 sets of families and this year I put my foot down. We usually have to run all over the place on Christmas Day. We are doing Christmas with my sister/her family on Christmas Eve, then the in laws are coming to our house on Christmas morning (finally!) and then my dad's on Christmas night. Hopefully next year you can have atleast one family event at your house so that cuts down on some of the running around.

aesimp · December 2013

This is so rough! Between the husband and I we have 4 divorced parents in 4 cities (SF, LA, and SD in California, and Utah). We live abroad. So for the past several years we spent our entire Christmas holidays stressfully driving and flying between places to see every bit of our family in our 2 week "holiday." It was awful.

Last year we decided that we were going to one place and our family could come to us at any point in the 2 weeks. We were able to help with housing if they needed it and said our time in those 2 weeks was free. It actually worked out really well and we had a much nicer time at "home." We stayed with DH's mom and my dad was the only one to come for nearly the whole time. DH's dad came out for 2 or 3 days and my mom came out for a day. It was unfortunate to see them for such a short period of time but we didn't feel guilty since it was their choice and not ours...

We have continued this new tradition this year and we're spending this holiday with my dad's family. Next year with baby we'll do the same again. It's just too much stress for such a short period of time.

Good luck!

stacisoccr · December 2013

Ugh same thing is happening here! And we are also that distance apart! Sucks because obviously we both want to be with OUR families on Christmas.

amackattack · December 2013

One of the families always decides way ahead of time to have the Christmas celebration not on Christmas day or Christmas eve, but some other day. People take off work and plan ahead. It helps everyone because than any BIL's or SIL's can coordinate with their other side as well, and there's no rushing around happening on Christmas day.

kd&cd · December 2013

LilNunz1 said:

Is it possible for one family to get Christmas Eve and the other to have Christmas Day? Probably wouldn't work for this year, but next year, you are not going to want to be running all over with a 6 month old.

This is what we do and it's worked for 10 years...

AlanaPaton · December 2013

We made the best choice three years ago we just stay at home me husband and our two children we don't want any family visiting us and we love it no stress for me the kids can play all day with their new toys and it's so relaxing x

mattanda2011 · December 2013

This may not be the most popular option, but it has really saved our sanity.

We switch off holidays with families. This year for Thanksgiving we were with DH family, and we will spend Christmas with my family. Next year the opposite, Thanksgiving with my family and Christmas with DH family.

I love it because we actually get to spend significant amount of time with each family. We tend to spend at least one night with them, and its just so much more relaxing and enjoyable. Both of our families live close so if it works into the schedule, or a weekend near the holiday we will get together with the other family, but with this we set up the expectation that each family has their holiday that year and if they get to see us for the other one it is a bonus. And it never changes from year to year so I don't have to stress about who will get upset about what.

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Christmas Dilemma

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