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Toddlers: 24 Months+
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How to help my husband?

lorist202lorist202 member
edited December 2013 in Toddlers: 24 Months+
This guy can't control our 2.5 yr old son.  He can't get him ready for bed, discipline him, or have any sense of parenting it seems.  To keep it simple, I've always done all of the child-related duties, but now we have another on the way, and we're back to the struggles.  I've tried coaching him, modeling for him, and advising him, but nothing seems to work.   DS poor behavior has progressed because my husband says "we're getting ready for bed."  No songs, games, or sillyness to make it happen, followed by my husband hollering and walking off in a huff when DS doesn't comply.  DS neglects to take him seriously, to the point that the kid kicks, punches, bites, and scratches his father when he tries to change him for bed. 

DS has much more respect for me, likely because I always express boundaries, as well as anything I have to do to get the job done (i.e. sing a song while changing or tooth brushing, etc.)  I realize different people struggle with different ages, but I really need him to step up before the baby comes (in May) especially since he struggles equally with the newborn/ infancy phase. 

Any recommendations as to how help him learn to handle a toddler?
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Re: How to help my husband?

  • jllmb79jllmb79 member
    When my husband is home we do bedtime together. We will take turns doing different tasks so he knows exactly how we do bath/bedtime.  Sometimes he has to do it himself and as long as he does it how I do it...smooth sailing.
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  • TiffanyBerryTiffanyBerry member
    Maybe send him to a parenting class?  So that he can hear and learn about it from someone else.  What you are asking him to do (parent well) is an acquired skill, and one that can take some people less time and other people more time to develop.  Give him that time, and ask him how you can help, but give him that time!
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  • blu-eyedwifeblu-eyedwife member
    I don't coach, model, or advise my husband.  He is as much a parent as I am, and needs to develop his own routine with what works for him.  That may not (and usually isn't) the same routine that works for me.  He does have the advantage of having been thrust into the role from an early time, because we've shared duties since bringing our son home from the hospital.

    But I do think there are two things working against you/him.
    1) Much like the child who breaks dishes to get out of doing them, if he thinks you're going to come in and take over, he might not be putting a true effort into the task.
    2) It is pretty frustrating to have someone telling you "the right" way to do something.  It makes it difficult to come up with your own solutions, and you're just waiting for someone to tell you that you're doing it all wrong.

    I would let him work this one out on his own.  If he complains that your son never goes to bed for him, don't criticize his methods, but suggest that maybe he needs to come up with something different that makes life easier for him (and doesn't involve you swooping in).
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  • sugarbear0524sugarbear0524 member
    blu-eyedwife said:
    I don't coach, model, or advise my husband.  He is as much a parent as I am, and needs to develop his own routine with what works for him.  That may not (and usually isn't) the same routine that works for me.  He does have the advantage of having been thrust into the role from an early time, because we've shared duties since bringing our son home from the hospital.

    But I do think there are two things working against you/him.
    1) Much like the child who breaks dishes to get out of doing them, if he thinks you're going to come in and take over, he might not be putting a true effort into the task.
    2) It is pretty frustrating to have someone telling you "the right" way to do something.  It makes it difficult to come up with your own solutions, and you're just waiting for someone to tell you that you're doing it all wrong.

    I would let him work this one out on his own.  If he complains that your son never goes to bed for him, don't criticize his methods, but suggest that maybe he needs to come up with something different that makes life easier for him (and doesn't involve you swooping in).
    Exactly. With this new baby, give him a chance to parent equally from the beginning. You're going to need all hands on deck, especially at first. 
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