XP: bad reaction from boss...

AJC&Maggie · December 2013

I have been at my job for 4 months. I told my boss today that I am 13 weeks pregnant with twins. He said, "Well this is very unexpected and I didn't budget for this. You need to let the budget department know by the end of next week."
I am having a terrible pregnancy so far. I have been bleeding constantly and wanted to wait until the bleeding stopped before telling people. I am so upset! Should I go to HR?

pandadair · December 2013

Agree with @savannah_girl. He didn't say anything wrong, he just didn't say anything "Yay! Happy!" about it. There's nothing inappropriate about telling you to talk to the budget committee, when they are probably the people who are going to have to figure out how to cover for you while you're on leave. Sorry he wasn't more supportive, though.

Shell+Bell · December 2013

I know it probably wasn't the reaction you were hoping for!! When I told my boss with my last pregnancy he threw his head back and said 'oh god.' I think some men, not all, just don't know how to react to this the way that we would like them to. It wood be great if they would be ecstatic, and congratulate us, and bring us cake (wishful thinking?) but that's just not reality

missfit1024 · December 2013

I agree with shell+bell. I told my boss I was expecting and he said "what, like a baby? You're expecting a baby?" I said yes and he just stared at me and then said "huh, I guess this was a surprise for you? I didn't even know you had a boyfriend." Very awkward, very uncomfortable for me. They just have no clue. I work in a male dominated field and all of the guys at work were very sweet, almost flirty, before they knew. Once word got out I didn't get a single congratulations, instead they just don't talk to me much anymore...jerks.

zou bisou · December 2013

AJC&Maggie said:

I have been at my job for 4 months. I told my boss today that I am 13 weeks pregnant with twins. He said, "Well this is very unexpected and I didn't budget for this. You need to let the budget department know by the end of next week." I am having a terrible pregnancy so far. I have been bleeding constantly and wanted to wait until the bleeding stopped before telling people. I am so upset! Should I go to HR?

His reaction sounds ok to me.

Don't go to HR. Go to the Budget Department.

Luna C · December 2013

I'm going to disagree slightly with PPs. While I don't think this was a horrible reaction, it certainly wasn't good and does bear watching.

For starters, I don't understand why he wants you to talk to budget. Every office is different, but generally, when new staffing is needed, that gets handled by the manager for that department -- not the person going on leave. (What if you had been hit by a car and were in a coma? Would they not be able to get a temp because you were nonresponsive? I'm guessing he would talk to budget himself in that case.)

If I were you, I wouldn't go to HR yet -- but I'd be sure to watch for any disparate treatment, and if it happens, start documenting it with HR. But that also depends on how supportive your company's HR team is.

I know that literally the day after I announced, I had two people in my dept. make comments about "all the time" I'm taking off for my doctor's appts. (Literally all of them but one has been on my lunch hour. And we have flex time to begin with, so if I'm out longer than an hour, I just stay late to make up the time. I haven't slacked off any at work.) Our dept. admin mentioned to me that I should probably just let HR know about the comments -- that they won't do anything yet, but if things should get worse later, they'll have it on record that I've felt I was singled out previously due to my condition.

Something to keep in mind.

Mrs_D_in_KY · December 2013

Definitely watch how you're treated now in the office. When I was pregnant with my son and I told the branch lead, he basically said - are you serious? And didn't give one token of congratulations. He acted like it was a burden to HIM that I was pregnant.

This was also the same company in which when I came back from my whopping 6 week leave (paid for 2 weeks) had given up my job to someone else who was now my supervisor! I had no desk, no computer, no more duties, etc.

I fully realize I could have sued the shit out of them. But through the grape vine they've lost a lot of business they did with a national retailer. Good riddance.

AJC&Maggie · December 2013

Thanks for the insight girls. I have been at this company for a few years, but in this dept only for a few months so I am eligible for FMLA. I guess I just felt like my position may be in jeopardy since he brought up the whole budget thing. I am also due for my annual raise so I am assuming it won't go too well.

Luna C · December 2013

Another factor to consider: Are you planning to stay there after you deliver? If not, a grin and bear it approach might be easier day-to-day. (Little benefit to making a lot of waves if you're out of there soon anyway.)

But if you plan to stay on you want to make sure your turf is protected.

Good luck.

estapleton12 · December 2013

Thank you guys for sharing your stories...I've been reluctant to tell my bosses. My office manager knows and she is happy and support but I also work with 3 male attorneys. I can already hear the comments, so I've been avoiding it. Reading your stories you have given me the courage to approach them and not let their comments get to me. I've only got about 5 more months here anyway and then on to the best job I could ever ask for!

MadBloom · December 2013

I'm a substitute teacher (in Canada) and all my regular teachers are thrilled that I'm expecting! I've had one jokingly say, "oh darn, now who am I going to trust with my grade 2's?!"
I just haven't told the head office of my district. I'm kind of nervous to because in order to keep my contract I have to be available to work 3-days a week and I'm not sure if they allow temporary leaves. I'd hate to have to reapply because it is very difficult to get on the sub list here to begin with!

XP: bad reaction from boss...

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