Spanking?!

lyndsihutson · December 2013

First off DH and i have decided no spanking and we have caught hell for it from friends and family. Well yesterday we were at a christmas get together at my IL's and there was a couple who have a 1.5 yo and a 3 mo. Well they asked if we spank and we just said no, when the times comes we will be trying timeouts and what not. Well...they went on to say they do spank and i have no problem with that. In the next 4 hours i witnessed 2 spankings and 3 additional threats to get "whooped" or to "whoop her!" Well...i just sat back and watched how mean the little girl already acted. E would try to share a toy and the little girl would take it and hit her with it. Or would rip E's toys from her hands and run away with it. Is this a connection from being spanked? Am I wrong for side-eyeing them? Am i wrong for being in the spanking minority around here? Or at least at this tiny age? I had another friend tell me her DS smacked her on the face and she slapped him back in his face. He was 10 MO! I never paid attention to this. Am i lucky to have a sweet, loving baby? or Is she not being so violent because i am not that way with her? I have ZERO problems with choosing to spank, but there is a time and a place. At E's age i dont think they know what they are doing when they slap you...am i wrong?

Kmartinrvt13 · December 2013

I'm not planning on spanking until she is older and needs to be spanked if nothing else has worked, but never would I do it now. I'm not opposed to spanking, I was a child that was spanked and I'm not angry or violent as PP would say, it taught me that I wasn't supposed to do something or that behavior was not tolerated, but in my opinion am I no way violent because of it.

LBStewart · December 2013

We're definitely not spanking at this point. If we do, it won't be until DD is much older. I grew up in a house where spanking was rarely ever used and am hoping to keep it that way with my own kids.

shella923 · December 2013

Um who uses the word whoop?! That's messed up. They sound like hillbillies!!!

jg1011 · December 2013

I'm in the spanking minority and I would have lost it if I saw someone hit a 10 month old. Our kids are experimenting and learning to navigate. Even the temper tantrums my little guy throws are bc he can't communicate his needs. Perhaps when he is older and just when all else has been tried... Certainly not my first, second, or even third choice.

I grew up getting hit/spanked. I am definitely not violent---in fact the opposite--- but I do NOT want V to experience that fear and sadness regularly.

lyndsihutson · December 2013

Like I said, i am not opposed to spanking and who knows i may spank her in the future when and if nothing else works. But not any time soon for sure. I just cant imagine wanting her to fear me. I agree with you @uconnhuskie007.. i wish i could have left but there were 16 people there and DH was out playing poker on the patio so i had to just suck it up. I just can't help but think emma is loving because we love on her and that little one is mean because they spank her and yell at her. I was spanked as a child and grew up fine, however i feel that it made me more compassionate towards emmalyn and to be more patient with her instead of being like my dad.

datagirl79 · December 2013

Spanking a child that young is wrong, they don't understand.

While waiting to see santa this weekend I witnessed a little boy get spanked, twice. Mom was clearly frazzled about something, and spanked him. He of course cried. Then she tried to cover his mouth and yelled in his ear. That made him cry more and she spanked him again. He may have been three. There is no way he could mentally understand what was happening to him. And you can't spank a kid and expect him not to cry.

I wanted to run over and give him a big hug and tell him it would be ok. I wanted to hug mom and tell her it would be ok.

lyndsihutson · December 2013

datagirl79 said:

Spanking a child that young is wrong, they don't understand.
While waiting to see santa this weekend I witnessed a little boy get spanked, twice. Mom was clearly frazzled about something, and spanked him. He of course cried. Then she tried to cover his mouth and yelled in his ear. That made him cry more and she spanked him again. He may have been three. There is no way he could mentally understand what was happening to him. And you can't spank a kid and expect him not to cry.
I wanted to run over and give him a big hug and tell him it would be ok. I wanted to hug mom and tell her it would be ok.

Call it hormones but this just made me cry

these poor babies need love and you are right, sometimes the moms need it to. Often they react because of something totally unrelated and it is sad.

GHBEA · December 2013

No spankings here. We redirect the behavior and for our 2 year old we do 123 Magic (there is a book and video for this). No problems here with behavior.

JessaPrimate · December 2013

I was spanked as a child. My dad says it was maybe 5 times and he made sure to never do it out of anger. It certainly hasn't scarred me. That being said, not sure where I stand on spanking my own child, but I would never dream of doing it that young.

Maebb · December 2013

I was spanked as a child, but I think my parents used it as an appropriate discipline tool, and it was not abuse in their case. However, many parents cross the line where I would consider it abuse.

At this point, DH and I will not be spanking. DS is currently going through something where he throws his food down or windshield-wipers it off his highchair tray. One of my friends spanks her 3 year old and 18-month-old, and she recommended "swatting" DS's hand when he does this and telling him no, but I side-eyed her and said I didn't think he would understand it at this point.

maven212 · December 2013

I am anti-spanking. For me, it breaks a profound trust and introduces a kind of terrifying stress. But I also think that different kids handle spanking in different ways. This is how I felt. The kid next door probably didn't walk away with the same thoughts or feelings I did pre- or post-spanking.

Louis CK has a bit on spanking that is a little extreme but in the real-life version what you might compose to have an conversation with your grandmother about spanking, kind of encompasses how I feel.

"I really think it's crazy that we hit our kids. Here's the crazy part about it: kids are the only people in the world that you're allowed to hit. Do you realize that? They're the most vulnerable and the most destroyed by being hit, but it's totally okay to hit them. And they're the only ones! If you hit a dog they will put you in jail for that s#$%. You can't hit a person unless you can prove that they were trying to kill you. But a little tiny person with a head this big who trusts you implicitly? F#$% 'em! Who gives a s#$%? Let's all hit them! People want you to hit your kid. If your kid is making noise: 'HIT HIM! HIT 'EM!'"

Now...all of this said, my daughter is only a year old. I might feel differently later on. I might not even think about it. My decision to not spank hasn't really been tested yet.

Hitting a 10 month old is seriously f#$% up. It just strikes me as a parent either fundamentally not understanding the cognitive capabilities of children that age or as a parent offloading their s$% on a small child under the guise of child rearing. I suspect it is the former. I wonder if that sort of treatment could fall under assaulting a minor. This is really the take home of this entire discussion for me - I am really shocked that any parent would strike a 10 month old in any context. I mean, what lesson is a child of that age supposed to walk away with?

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