what was your reason for being OAD?

dpraseutsinh · December 2013

DH and I have been ttc for another, but the other night DH asked me what life would be like if we just stopped with our DD. I honestly dont know what it would be like with just one child. Just would like to know what your reasons were and the pros of it, thanks

jlk5909 · December 2013

I'm still on the fence about it, but our list of reasons include: the ease of having just 1, we both hated the newborn stage & are hesitant to do it all over again especially with a toddler in the mix, I've been home with dd (she is 18 mos) and most likely wouldn't be able to with another, I'm still breastfeeding & don't really know if I could do it again, especially this long now that there's an end in sight, financially it would be easier, dh is in school for another 3-5 years & I don't want to be taking care of 2 by myself...

TiffanyBerry · December 2013

My husband's reasons are almost entirely centered on us having a colicky, refluxy, high-needs baby for our first. He didn't really find much enjoyable about raising a kid until she was at least two. Going through the newborn/infant/early toddler stage again is a totally unpleasant idea to him.

I'm more on the fence. I feel much the same way he did (I haven't had 8 straight hours of sleep in nearly four years now, so really, I do), but HORMONES!

coastalmaine · December 2013

We have a few reasons. One is age...DH is 40 and I am 37...the more pressing reason those was a tough pregnancy...dS was born at 29 weeks and stayed in the nicu for 56 days. I also had a miscarriage prior to that. I just can't imagine going through that again. Furthermore, life is manageable with one. He is 19 months now and so fun...and I just don't feel any deep desire to do it all again.

kristennd · December 2013

We had originally planned on two, but have definitely changed our minds.

I'm 42.

We can't afford another. Not the typical private schools and nice vacations can't afford. We're not quite making it paycheck to paycheck now. Something ends up on a credit card every month.

We have discovered we are both low-energy people. One between the two of us is all we can handle. We love him dearly, but we're always exhausted.

Not a factor but this always comes up: I enjoyed having a sibling and we still get along. DH hated being an only child. But we both feel that neither of those are a reason to ignore everything listed above.

hopefulmom81 · December 2013

1. I am an only and LOVE it. It was always our plan to have 1 or 2

2. I had 2 m/c prior to DD, a stressful pregnancy, bad L&D, and bad PPA. Flat out? I don't ever want to be pregnant again.

3. I look at DD and see everything we wanted in one child, our family feels complete

4. Finances, we couldn't afford $2000 a month in daycare, and can't afford for one of us to stay home. I want to pay for most of DD's college, and want to give her 100% of our resources.

5. We both feel that two focused, happy, centered parents are more valuable than a sibling

I have more, but those are the main ones.

Now, all of this being said, I romanticize the idea of having a second constantly. I wistfully think about the footie pajamas, newborn snuggles, and the idea of DD having a bond with a sibling…and then I remember that those fleeting moments are not REALITY.

I know this is the right decision for us…and it is an awesome one

chardonnay24 · December 2013

We're still on the fence, but we are OAD for now because we have an incredibly challenging child. Parenting is not what we thought it'd be at all, and I have no desire to add another child to our already busy and stressful lives.

I feel like I would be stretched thin if we had another. I feel like I wouldn't be able to give him all the attention he requires. Our days are filled with evaluations, therapy visits, doctor's visits. I can never let my guard down.

The other stuff (more money, more time, etc) is just a bonus.

Tink112011 · December 2013

We are OAD because neither of us yearn for a second child. DH and I are both so happy and feel balanced with our family and career. A second child would stress us out, mentally, emotionally, and financially.

KatieB19 · December 2013

You can also view the oad highlights of the week for a more humorous perspective

We are oad because we don't want another child. The decision was made before ds was born.

KL777 · December 2013

I'm not cut out to be a multiple kids mom, I don't have the patience or desire, at this point, to mother multiple children.

Plus, all of the other benefits of being a family of three is more time for DH, DS, and self. More money for private school, extra-curricular activities, etc. I also think it's easier to parent one vs. multiple.

It is a personal decision. You have to do what's best for you and your family.

dpraseutsinh · December 2013

KL777 said:
I'm not cut out to be a multiple kids mom, I don't have the patience or desire, at this point, to mother multiple children.
Plus, all of the other benefits of being a family of three is more time for DH, DS, and self. More money for private school, extra-curricular activities, etc. I also think it's easier to parent one vs. multiple.
It is a personal decision. You have to do what's best for you and your family.

This is it! This is exactly why we decided right after posting this question. We want to send DD to private school and she is enrolled in dance classes. We would never be able to afford that for 2 kids, so I say its better to give one child an amazing, well rounded childhood than 2 kids a mediocre one.

Thanks yall really helped us figure things out

this decaf life · December 2013

We are still debating and I can't quite come to terms with DD being an only child but DH says he'd like to be done and I'm considering it.

The eco-friendly factor of only having one, less impact with less people. We travel a lot, it is part of DH's job so it won't stop anytime soon, and it is a lot easier with one - but this is also a big reason I'm not sure I can be OAD because I'm afraid she'll feel lonely. DD was difficult as a baby, she cried a lot and the idea of doing that with DD as a toddler leaves me feeling completely overwhelmed. I love BFing DD and my goal is at least another 6 months but again, the thought of doing it all again is so overwhelming.

I also have been able to give DD so much in terms of attention and patience and letting her test her own boundaries. I don't think it would be the same for #2.

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