Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Re: **Third-Party-Reproduction Check-in 12/15**
Things are mostly ok here. I was glad for the break for a couple weeks after our cancelled cycle but now it feels like forever until we start again. I don't love that.
M is buying me a new pair of knee socks for ultrasounds this cycle. We decided my old ones were bad luck (not that we are actually superstitious; it just feels better to be starting fresh).
QOTW: I want our kids to be huge readers like M is. I enjoy reading but it is usually an after thought for me. M is always reading and I think it adds so much richness to her life.
We're queer. I'm 33, have severe stage 4 endo, and had both fallopian tubes removed. My love ("Manada" on the boards, 32) was diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve. We did Partner IVF (my eggs, her uterus). We lost our twins Tavin and Casey at 21 weeks gestation.
Our IUIs
with @Manada: IUI# 1-7 (December 2012- September 2013) all BFN. Tried natural, femara, clomid, puregon/follistim, clomid and menopur combo, both the ovidrel and HCG triggers.
Our IVFs:
IVF #1 my eggs November/December 2013: Cancelled IVF due to poor response
IVF #2 my eggs/Manada's uterus January/February 2014
BCPs and lupron overlap Stimmed: 1/22-2/2: Bravelle and Menopur (dosage ranged from B300 and M150 to B375 and M150 to B300 and M225)
2/4 retrieved 10 eggs. Endo was much worse than expected. Only 3 eggs fertilized; February 7 transferred two day 3 embryos, froze one. All great condition.
BFP eve of 6dp3dt; Beta 1 (11dp3dt): 110; Beta 2 (13dp3dt): 175; Beta 3 (15dp3dt): 348; Beta 4 (19dp3dt): 2222; Beta 5 (21dp3dt): 4255
1st ultrasound (3/6 6w 1d): TWINS!!!! Twin A measuring 6w1d with a heartbeat of 118bpm. Twin B measuring 6w0d with a heartbeat of 113bpm.
***July 18, 2014 we lost our beautiful babies at 21 weeks gestation. They were born too early. Tavin Sara T. and Casey Elizabeth T. are beautiful and precious and we will love them and miss them forever.***
FET #1 December 2014
Praying unceasingly for a miracle. ALL welcome!
Thinking of everyone as we enter the holidays. Continued positive thoughts to all those with recent successess. It's been wonderful to see these results! Hugs to all who need them.
Update: Everything's going fine. My transition back to work has been pretty smooth. My mom's watching the baby until the first of the year when he will start daycare.
QOTW: When I was going through the grieving process of not having a genetic connection to my kids, the hardest traits of mine to let go of passing on were my kindness and helpfulness. Through the process, I realized that those are things that I would definitely influence in my kids through our daily interactions, and that made me feel better.
This came to mind this morning before work when my daughter saw a cut on my hand and said, "Does owie hurt?" Then she asked me if I wanted a bandaid. (swoon) So I think she's plenty caring and kind!
IVF#1 Oct 2009 (CCRM) - BFN
IVF#2 March 2010 - Poor response/cancelled
DE IVF#1 Aug 2010 - BFN
DE IVF#2 Dec 2010 - Transferred 1, 2 frozen - BFP!
TTC#2 FET Jan 2013 - Transferred 1 - BFP!
TTC since April 2010

BFP #1 – March 2011, missed m/c April 2011
BFP #2 – October 2011, m/c November 2011
Surprise BFP #3 – December 2011, diagnosed as cornual, terminated January 2012
BFP #4 – June 2012, m/c July 2012
Diagnosed with bicornuate ute and MTHR gene mutation
BFP #5 – October 2012, missed m/c November 2012
BFP #6 – January 2013, m/c March 2013
No longer TTC. Diagnosis: Hostile ute. Heartbroken and bitter. Pursuing surrogacy.
June 2013 - Carrier found! Could this really happen?!
~All AL always welcome~
QOTW: Like Sammer I hope our children are confident. Confident in themselves, in mine & DH's love for them and confident that they are in their right place in this world. I want them to know that they were somehow meant to be our children and that they truly belong with us.
***signature & ticker warning***
Me: 30 ~ Stage IV Endo ~ AMH .38 ~ AFC 8
AMH .97 as of 4/2012! ~ AMH 1.63 as of 4/2013!?!
Him: 29 ~ perfect swimmers
Laparotomy w/partial oophorectomy 8/2009 to remove cysts/endo.
Stopped BCP 4/2010.
Multiple clomid rounds from 11/2010 to 6/2011. ~ All BFN
IUI w/clomid 7/2011. IUI w/clomid & injectables 11/2011 & 1/2012. ~ All BFN
IVF:EPP 5/2012 ~ (4R, 3M, 2F w/ICSI). Both embryos txfrd. ~ BFN
BCP to manage endo from 10/2012 to 12/2012.
FET w/donor embryos #1: 10/2013 Cancelled
FET w/donor embryos #1.2: 11/2013 ~ ET of 2 beautiful blasts on 11/27.
Beta 1: 503(12dp5dt) Beta 2: 1035(14dpt) Beta 3: 3001(16dpt) Beta 4: 8503(19dpt)
Twins with an EDD of 8/15/14! Team Purple
G&B born 6/30/14 at 33w3d via emergency c/s.
If you're wondering about my avatar...it's a fried pickle chip shaped like a fetus!
@healz413 - the new socks are awesome! we did the same thing. I wore unicorn / robot socks for ours - they are a perfect mix of me & DH
Check in: I had my 2nd ultrasound this morning & the little star is growing with a strong little heart beat. We go back in 2 weeks & then will be released to OB.
QOTW: I hope he/she gets DH's confidence & laid back nature. I am a little sad (and shallow) that he/she won't have my eyes/hair.
Me:37 (DOR), DH: 40 (Normal) TTC #1 since Fall 2010
2010-2012 - 7 rounds of Clomid, 4 IUI & 2 IVF - all BFN (2 chemical pregnancies)
April 2013 fresh DEgg - 15R, 4F, 2 transferred = BFN.
FET - 11/13
Beta #1 11/23 = 247; Beta #2 11/25 = 538; Beta #3 11/29 = 5481 BFP!!!!!
U/s #1 12/7 & U/s #2 12/16 = One perfect little heart beat!!
EDD = 8/1/14
Hope is the thing with feathers - that perches in the soul - and sings the tune without the words - and never stops - at all - (Emily Dickinson)
How's it going? Well off to a very slow start on stims. In comparison to my other cycles, especially since I am at very high stims, 450 iu Menopur, you would think my E2 level would be in the 100's. Well they are usually almost 200 by day three of stims. Today I am at 28. Don't know if that is a good thing.
How am I feeling? I don't know yet.
Me-39, HSG 2/13- clear. DS-IUI #1-3/13,300iu Menopur 12 days,3 days Cetrotide, Ovidrel Trigger-BFN. IUI #2 06/13, BFP EDD: 02/22/14 m/c (cp), IUI #3- BFP EDD: 5/17/14 m/c 09/13. Blood work/RPL panel- nk cell/MTHFR mutation- negative. Blood work all good. Unexplained reason for m/c. IUI #4 BFP m/c (cp) 10/13. IUI #5- 12/13 Cancelled. No response. (1)follicle. IUI #5.1- 2/14. IVF Bound
********************SAIF/ PAIF/ ALL ARE WELCOME***********************
@DP and @2mamaz Congrats ladies I wish you both H&H 9 months!! <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />
@healz and @manda GL with new beginnings and GL with your upcoming cycles!
AFM: I received my Donor's calendar, but mine is pending the RE's approval. The NP asked my preference if I preferred to wait for the pgd results or start meds for the FET before the results are in, as we will receive the results by the time I am ready for transfer. She will be emailing me with my calendar once she talks to the RE.
QOTW: I hope our children get DH's eyes and lips and my laid back personality.
::: Married June 2003:::

TTC #1 since: Aug. 2008
Me: 34, DOR, MTHFR-A1298C (heterozygous), decreased blood flow to uterus, Mild Endo
DH: 38, Balanced translocation 5&10, unexplained MFI, normal SA and SCSA
Tx History: IUI 1&2= BFN
IVF# 1 W/ICSI= BFN
IVF# 2: cancelled d/t no response
IVF# 3= 1 egg retrieved=immature/not viable
IVF# 4= c/p
***CCRM ODWU***
Found DHs BT and Me-decreased blood flow to uterus
Recommended DE IVF w/PGD, incorporate electro-acupuncture. Decided to cycle locally
***New RE***
DE IVF# 1(cycle #6) w/pgd, (freeze all): 30R, 23M, 15F, slow/poor embryo development, 4 biopsied, 1 Normal "Norm"; DE IVF w/PGD, incorporate electro-acupuncture.
IVF# 6: (OE/DS) cancelled
IVF# 7: (OE/DS) 1R, 1M, 1F, arrested day 5
Plan-DE IVF# 2 (cycle #8): DE/DS in May 2015
http://icanhazbabyz.blogspot.com/
@lincoln79 - ugg... Walking 1.5 miles in the freaking snow sounds awful!
So glad things are going well so far though!
@JM1977 - glad your transition back to work is going well. So great to have family support!
@sammer818 - really hope your legal stuff is done before Xmas!
@DoublePortion - congrats!! Couldn't be more happy for you!
@jalara48 - I'll be thinking of your embies when they ship and sending positive thoughts your way. You're getting close!!
@ladyrader0277 - congrats! Glad all is well!
@ sunni01 - I will keep my fingers crossed for you this cycle!!
@mm29 - you are getting so close!
********************************
Hey Ladies,
I can't thank you all for your support over this past week. It's been especially hard. I just didnt think this would happen to us again.
My husband and I have agreed to proceed with a final fresh DE/DS cycle. We reserved our new donor today.
I had A LOT of blood drawn this morning for possible blood clotting issues or immune issues. Our follow up is 1/6.
We know how long this process takes and wanted to get started ASAP.
For me, the waiting has always been the worst... I am out of patience, I just want to have our baby.
QOTW: I hope our child (fingers crossed we might ever be so lucky someday) picks up a lot of my husband's traits. He is unbelievably loyal, dependable and I admire his strong work ethic. I hope they learn to be compassionate from both of us.
Me (32) DOR, elevated NK Cells/ 2 copies of MTHFR mutation/ MH (35) azoo/high DFI (TTC#1 since 2009)
IVFs#1-4: (4/10-2/12) all BFN
Surprise Bfp (9/11) - c/p
DS IUI#1-2 (9/12, 10/12) - BFN
DS IVF: (11/12) - BFN
DE/DS IVF#1: (10/13) - 2 day 3 embies transferred-BFFN
FET of 2 day 6 blasts: (12/13) - c/p
DE/DS IVF #2: (4/14) - 1 day 5 blast transferred...BFFN...again.
FET 5/14: 1 day 5 hatching blast transferred...another BFFN
Repeat SHG 6/14-normal / Endometrial Receptivity Array biopsy 7/14-Receptive Uterus
New RE, additional testing reveals elevated NK Cells
FET of 1 day 5 blast (RE recommends transferring 1 due to elevated NK cells) with lovenox, steroids & intralipids in October
QOTW: I hope J's level-headed nature is imparted while still being a little bit of an extrovert like me!
@doubleportion TWINS!!! YAY!
Me (43) and J (45) - same sex couple. And we don't feel 40+!
June'12 - First RE Visit
Sept. '12 - Tubes removed
Dec. '12 - Donor Egg/Donor Sperm IVF Cycle - 4 good embies!
Dec. '12 - Fresh transfer, BFP! EDD 8/29/13
Mar. '13 - Missed m/c at 16w1d, baby boy stopped growing at 15w4d
Loss due to umbilical cord clot...baby was perfect.
Jul '13 - FET#1 - c/p
Sept. '13 - FET#2 - BFN
Dec.' 2, 2013 - FET#3 with our last chance embie - BFP!!!
Dec' 26, 2013 - hb!!
EDD 8/20/14 with a baby girl!
Little S was born on 8/21/14 - 8lb, 14 oz and 20 inches long.
We live in Seattle and used SRM for our donor egg IVF cycle
I've been in a extra good mood latley and ready for the Christmas festivities to begin. My sister comes home from Saudi on Friday and will stay with us. I've got all my Christmas shopping done and began wrapping today.
As for cycling I will have my first lupron shot in the 2nd of jan and will receive all my meds this Tuesday. Also will be having my intralipids infusion on jan 4th for my nk cells. And endo scratch on the 9th.
Jan 31st will be here before I know it!!!
As for all your updates:
Congrats Imieloc! Twinkies... Cute!!!
Km... Can't wait to hear how your blood work comes back! I just did it and have the blood clotting issue so glad we did the blood work up and I hope that we fix that issue with heparin this time around! GL
Mm. That is so exciting your one step closer and good luck!
Sunni. Hang in there!!! I'm sending positive vibes your way!
DP!!!!! Huge congrats!!! Twins!!! Lucky girl!!!;)
Lincoln.... Congrats!!! Looks like this is gonna be the one that gives you that baby!!
2mamaz: hope your not going too crazy waiting for that ultrasound!!!! Got my fx for you!!!!
And last ..QOTW:
I hope they get my creativeness and husbands fast metabolism! Lol
How is it going??
On meds for a transfer jan 9, had 1st US & BW all is looking good
TTC Since 12/2008; DH: 32, Azoospermia me: 33, DX during IVF #4: Low AMH (Normal FSH) / SER due
to IVF Meds (causing failure to fertilize) Recent DX: Hashimoto's, Lupus Anticoagulant, White Blood Cell Disorder
High ANA, ATA, & APA, PAI-1 Heterozygous= blood clotting disorder; connective tissue disorder
IVF w/ ICSI #1 2/2011 IVF w/ ICSI #2 5/2011 IVF w/ ICSI #3 12/2012 *New RE* IVF w/ ICSI #4 5/2013
IVF w/ ICSI #5 8/2013 (Natural Cycle- No drugs)- One follicle->one blast. CCS normal. FET 9/10- 6BB blast. m/c @ 5w
IUI #1 12/23- BFN IUI #2 Cancelled (ovulated during AF) Prep:CoQ10 (300 mg); DHEA (25 mg); Melatonin (3 mg), Folgard 2.2, Metformin 500 2x, Levothyroxine 50mcg, Aspirin 81mg w/ calcium, B12, Vit. D 4000 & Prenate Elite Daily; Cabergoline 1/2 pill 2x week- Cycling: Estrace Priming; Prednisone 10mg, Lovenox 40mg 2x, Femera & Menopur
IUI #2.1 6/30 & 7/1. 1st Beta: 90 (7/15); 2nd Beta: 226 (7/17); 3rd Beta: 766 EDD: 3/23/2015
Big congrats for @DoublePortion and @Imielocl1...TWINS!! How exciting. Love all the bfp's!! Huge warm hugs for those that need them. Your in my thoughts
Not much going. Still waiting for a donor and it seems like it won't be anytime soon. I was feeling pretty bummed on Friday knowing that was my transfer day and that stayed with me all day. The weekend I was sick so baby thoughts went out the door...too sick to care! I need to channel my energy into something else because I'm pretty sick of hearing myself whine. Not sure what that is!!
QOTW: I would hope the they will have my kindness and sense of humor. They need to have MH's intelligence though...lol.
ME:46 MH:44 DE IVF 2014
Met with RE 4/11. 2 IUI's BFN. DE best option. Switched clinics to do "shared" program. Had to retake all tests and a mamm that put me behind and then on a DE waiting list for 12 months. Picked a donor!! (10/13/13) Got matched. Estimated transfer in December. After 2.5 years of patiently waiting I will finally cycle....can hardly believe it. DE cycle got cancelled. One of her tests came back positive. Waiting for another donor. Donor picked!! (1/18/14)
DE IVF #1 (4/26) BFN DE FET #1 (6/4) BFP! Beta 1=339 Beta 2=852 Beta 3=9957 EDD 2/22/15!!
Justin turned one week old yesterday and is doing great. He is nursing like a champ and the doctor said all is looking good. I am in awe that he is actually here. DH and I can't stop staring at him and holding him, we are totally obsessed!
Anyway big hugs to everyone still trudging along this brutal road. I am rooting for all of you and keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
Q: I hope Justin inherits my friendliness and my creative side. I hope he learns how important it is to work hard for the things he wants in life. DH will undoubtably guide him in that.
DX: DH (30) severe MFI, severely low count & low motility
Me (32): all clear
Appt with Urologist 5/21/12: exam, ultrasound, bloodwork all normal.
Testicular Biopsy with TESE on 6/8/12. good sperm found! (left side only) froze sperm, failed thaw test
Orientation for IVF/ICSI on 6/13/12. Waiting for the green light following biopsy results...results show adequate sperm production both sides.
2nd SA 6/18/12: sample is "adequate for ICSI"
Plan: IVF/ICSI July 2012!
ER: 7/26/12. 15 eggs retrieved, all mature.
TESE/TESA/aspiration from epididymis, no motile sperm found
froze all eggs, the saga of praying for good sperm continues.
8/3/12: 2nd opinion from MFI uro on biopsy slides. Suspects "partial late maturation arrest."
Plan: more SAs, third biopsy/TESE with frozen back-up either from DH or DS.
SA 8/17/12: Zero sperm
SA 8/23/12: Zero sperm
9/26/12: SPERM FOUND! 15 eggs thawed, 12 survived and were ICSI'd, only 3 fertilized normally. Refrozen as embies and will thaw in Nov. Please survive and grow!
All 3 survived the thaw on 11/15/12!
FET 11/17/12: transferred 2, one 4B, one 4C. Beta 11/30:BFFN
moving on to DS
DIUI#1 2/18/13,50mg Clomid cd 3-7, Ovidrel trigger, Beta 3/4/13: BFN.
DIUI#2 3/19/13, 50 mg Clomid cd 3-7, Ovidrel trigger, Beta #1 (14dpiui) 4/2/13: BFP!!!! 150. Beta #2 4/4/13: 420 Beta #3 4/8/13: 2691. Beta #4 4/15/13: 15,086
1st u/s 4/8/13 shows one gestational sac
2nd u/s 4/15/13 shows yolk sac, fetal pole and early heartbeat
3rd u/s 4/25/13: measuring right on track. Heart rate 148 bpm
A/S 7/22/13: IT'S A BOY!!
PAIF/SAIF Always Welcome
[IMG]http://i49.tinypic.com/2qmon5u.jpg[/IMG] [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd243/laurakat24/turkeybaster-1.jpg"[/IMG]
QOTW: I'm feeling sick and constantly have a headache. Weird foods have been turning me off: chocolate, chicken, milk, but otherwise I'm learning what to do to not feel like crap. I hope this little miracle gets my positive attitude towards everything but I also hope he/she gets the forward attitude of my DH. He's very outspoken and tells you when he doesn't like something (even when he shouldn't). I hope everyone is having great luck with the holiday right around the corner, and for those who are having a hard time, I hope your support system is strong!
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