Something my sister said is getting to me...

PugMum · December 2013

Just a brief background story:

My sister has always been thin & fit. She married a body-builder and was always into that lifestyle. Thin, blonde, fake boobs (nothing against anyone with fake boobies). But, she was your stereotypical body-builders wife. She got pregnant a few years ago and naturally put on weight. She has struggled to get it off the past couple of years. Recently in the past few months she is getting finally back her shape. She went through a nasty post-partum depression and divorce from her husband during those two years of trying to lose the weight.

I have always been average weight to maybe 10 pounds over weight. Much larger than my sister, During her pregnancy time; I was participating in weight watchers, lost 30 pounds and started running. She would always make comments about me getting "too skinny" (though I was in my weight limits) and she had expressed jealous comments to family members which got back to me. Our relationship struggled during her post-partum and divorce, but we've recently we tried to make amends.

This weekend I announced my pregnancy to her. Immediately she said to me with a big smile "Funny how things work, when I got fat you lost all this weight, now you are going to be the one to get fat and I'm losing weight!" She couldn't stop smiling. She said she would give me all her fat pants. She then proceeded to tell me it will take me 2 years like her to get the weight off. I told her it might, but I'm really going to try my hardest to get it off sooner.

Now I'm feeling my self-esteem has been crushed. I feel like it is a competition to her, who will be the skinniest?

I just feel like crap.

ETA: spelling

BlckRoses · December 2013

I'm sorry your sister made you feel that way. Try to remember that she's just projecting her own issues onto you. Your weight has nothing to do with her, and her weight has nothing to do with you. You need to focus on being healthy and happy.

I think it's great that you made the choice to be healthy and you should definitely focus on continuing that during your pregnancy. Try to just ignore her comments, you're amazing!

sueann911 · December 2013

That really sucks. Just remember it takes 9 months to put on that weight and can take some time to get it off. Don't put pressure on yourself to stay thin during pregnancy. Eat when you need to eat and try to make good choices. Take care of yourself and your baby. As for your sister, tell her to shove her head back up her ass. Sounds like she is a real peach and she is using you as a punching bag for her own problems.

Valancyy · December 2013

Um...being pregnant isn't being FAT. I like being pregnant and having a baby bump. I have never felt fat while pregnant. I'm not skinny normally, just average, or maybe a little overweight depending on how much I eat

She has her own issues, sounds like you have a much healthier body image. And you know what...it may not take you 2 years to lose the baby weight. I've breastfed with both my boys...and the weight just comes off. I even eat a lot. You use a lot of calories making milk. It doesn't happen overnight...but it comes off with no effort.

I would just feel bad for her due to her insecurities. If she makes comments again, just smile and change the subject.

PugMum · December 2013

Thanks for your support ladies.

It just blew me away how the excitement of us having a baby quickly turned to my sister being skinnier than me again. I'm excited to ditch the diet, gain some pounds and grow a baby. My weight was the last thing on my mind until now. Now knowing that someone is analysing it just kills me inside. I'm already a little conscious of my bloat and more aware of it now since our discussion.

She is so vain. It reminds me of that song... "You're so vain, you probably think this song is about you, don't you.. don't you"

yurmom · December 2013

Who says shit like that? Shake those haters off Pug.

seventhumbs · December 2013

Yikes. I'm really sorry PugMum. Even the people we love have ways of reflecting their insecurities back onto us sometimes.

It's nothing to do with you and everything to do with her own twisted body image. Don't let her make you feel bad about yourself - you sound like you have the right attitude about your body.

tealowl · December 2013

I don't know if I could smile and ignore her comments. Honestly, I would say something to her the next time she says something shitty like that. She's not being a good sister right now. I'm sorry.

PugMum · December 2013

TheAnne said:

How much better/happier of a life do you think you'll live than her since she puts so much emphasis on her figure being her worth? My guess is a lot happier.

She has always been fake happy. Always tried to keep up with the Jones, look a certain way & have a certain personality. I've been one of the few that can see right through her.

It just sucks I'm her sister and can't get away from the influence.

PugMum · December 2013

BPaws said:

It sounds to me like she's super jealous of you're awesome weight loss AND baby and she is trying to find something to make you feel as shitty as she does.

People have said that to me before, but it makes me sad to think it may be true.

I'm 9 years younger than her, have a career, been with my DH 13 years and we are true soul-mates, we have a beautiful home and supportive relationship.

Her perfect relationship fell apart before LO was born. The divorce happened very soon after he was born. She now lives in a house she is renting with our Mom/brother living in her basement.

She criticized my relationship before telling me the worst is yet to come. That most high-school sweethearts don't make it past their twenties. Oh and that the baby will ruin our relationship.

I can't help but think she wants me to get fat and her to succeed beyond me.

tealowl · December 2013

PugMum said:

BPaws said:

It sounds to me like she's super jealous of you're awesome weight loss AND baby and she is trying to find something to make you feel as shitty as she does.
People have said that to me before, but it makes me sad to think it may be true.

I'm 9 years younger than her, have a career, been with my DH 13 years and we are true soul-mates, we have a beautiful home and supportive relationship.

Her perfect relationship fell apart before LO was born. The divorce happened very soon after he was born. She now lives in a house she is renting with our Mom/brother living in her basement.

She criticized my relationship before telling me the worst is yet to come. That most high-school sweethearts don't make it past their twenties. Oh and that the baby will ruin our relationship.

I can't help but think she wants me to get fat and her to succeed beyond me.

She probably DOES think that. Misery loves company. She sounds very depressed. Ugh, she sucks.

FWIW - my friend and her husband have been together since they were 15, been married for 8 years, and are pregnant with their first. They are 31 and 32. =]

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