Date Night logistics - WWYD?

pb_bride · December 2013

DH & I have not gone out alone since the arrival of M (which doesn't really bother us). My ILs have given us a GC to a restaurant months ago, so we are considering going out to dinner one night, while sis-in-law watches M (she has offered to do so). SIL doesn't have a car; she can take a bus to where we live, but we ought to drive her home afterwards (25min drive each way).

SIL sees M 1-2x/month, but almost always in the context of a larger group. She has watched M for me twice, but that was 4 months ago and he cried then (separation anxiety).

M's afternoon/evening routine as follows:

4:30pm wake up from 2nd nap, snack

4:30-6:30pm play

6:30-7p dinner

7-7:30p story time and play

7:30-8p - nurse

8-8:15p - bedtime routine

8:15p asleep

Option 1 -

Have SIL arrive by 4:30pm. We go for early bird dinner at 5pm, aim to be home by 6:30pm so we can feed M and follow his evening routine (while one of us drive SIL home). With this option, SIL will have to entertain M for 2 hours, and fingers crossed he won't cry for us during this time.

Option 2 -

Have SIL arrive by 8pm. We put M to bed then go out to dinner. Aim to be home by 10:30pm. This way, SIL doesn't really have to "deal" with M, she's just here in case something happens. There is a small chance M might wake up, however, and needs some soothing to fall back to sleep. However, this means we won't eat dinner until 9p or later, and SIL won't get home until 11pm (which is quite late for her), and we won't get to bed until midnight the earliest.

Option 3 -

Just to a date lunch for now, and save the restaurant GC until later when M is older? (the restaurant we have the GC for, only does dinner service)

Which option do you think is "best"? Also, am I supposed to offer SIL dinner while she is here watching M? TBH, I feel like it is more trouble than it is worth to go out for a date night dinner (ie, when you add in the extra time to drive SIL home, still prepping dinner for M +/- SIL, etc), esp when we kind of have to rush through dinner to get home, rather than being able to sit back, relax and take our time enjoying the food.

TJ1979 · December 2013

Why can't SIL do bedtime routine? Obviously she can't nurse him, but does he take a bottle or sippy? I've always been really surprised at how well E does for sitters. Better than for us I think! (Unless they are all lying to us.)
You really deserve a nice, relaxed night out.

pb_bride · December 2013

@TJ1979 & @chiwifey -

DH & I feel like it will be too much to ask SIL to watch M AND do bedtime routine... Although she has done babysitting before (like 30+ yrs ago; she has no children of her own), I don't think she has ever babysat anyone as young as M. So in a way, it's not like having a babysitter who is familiar with dealing with infants/toddlers... even things as simple as changing the diaper, getting him dressed, putting sleepsack on him etc. (M is most definitely not a cooperative toddler when it comes to lying/sitting still!)

Ruthie04 · December 2013

We always leave after they go to bed. I just feel like the bedtime routine is so overwhelming and I'd hate to throw someone into it. DH hasn't even done it alone. But, the boys are usually asleep by 7:15, so I realize it's a bit different.

If it doesn't bother you, I'd do a late night and do option 2. Would SIL be willing to sleep over for the night so you don't have to take her home? That'd be the only thing I could think of to ease the difficulty a bit.

Mnerani · December 2013

Can you mess with her bedtime at all? If possible, you could put her down 30 minutes earlier, which would mean that you wouldn't eat so late. Also, I think you should definitely have dinner available for SIL, same as you would for a sitter. I hope it works out and doesn't stress you out too much!

TJ1979 · December 2013

I like the idea of SIL staying over. We are doing that this weekend with our sitter as it's close to an hour drive for her. And also moving up bedtime 30 minutes.
And I'd definitely have food available or leave her a 20 to order a pizza.
GL, and I hope things work out.
If not, I'm coming up there and keeping M for you while you get a REAL date night.

mcgeeva · December 2013

Like others said..Bedtime routine let her take care of it. Will M take a bottle? If so I say just go at 6 or right after M's dinner and let her take over. Enjoy your dinner! I always have babysitters come after my son goes down. But no more..I need a break and figured shoot the longer I wait to go out the more tired I am. So go early..if M cries she will be okay.

kaf7 · December 2013

I would have a pumped bottle of EBM available and go for dinner at a regular hour and let her do bedtime routine. Worst case scenario he refuses to eat and refuses to sleep and screams for 1.5h and everything is back to normal the next day. My LO fell asleep on the babysitters shoulder rather than in his crib about 30min later than bedtime last time we went out and then she put him down and he stayed asleep for the night. GL and enjoy the date night!

kaf7 · December 2013

I read the other replies. We went out after LO had eaten dinner and I skipped his bath and put his overnight diaper and pjs on already. We went out for 6:30 and he goes to bed at 8. All the babysitter had to do was play for a bit, and then do an abbreviated bedtime routine (book, bottle, song, bed). Could you do something like that?

kaf7 · December 2013

Alternatively you could push his snack and supper 30min later and have a relatively normal dinner time.

pb_bride · December 2013

Lots of excellent suggestions! Thanks everyone. I'm discuss this with DH and see what we decide on. Two things though - 1) I have a feeling that SIL doesn't want to do bedtime routine... playing w/M is one thing, getting him changed/dressed and put to bed is a whole different level. 2) we actually don't have a guest bedroom anymore, so SIL cannot stay over. (When my parents come visit, they stay at a hotel.)

kaf7 · December 2013

Then I would do option 1 but as I said try to push snack forward a little maybe to give yourself some time. Or maybe have a few snack/finger food options out in case service takes longer than you expect. You don't want to be rushing through your first real date night if you can help it! I hope it's great when you get there.

imoverit · December 2013

I honestly think option one is the best for everyone involved especially since this is your first outing. Early dinner, home for feeding LO, take SIL home, then bedtime routine and your done. GL and have fun.

queenbone · December 2013

pb_bride said:

@TJ1979 & @chiwifey -

DH & I feel like it will be too much to ask SIL to watch M AND do bedtime routine... Although she has done babysitting before (like 30+ yrs ago; she has no children of her own), I don't think she has ever babysat anyone as young as M. So in a way, it's not like having a babysitter who is familiar with dealing with infants/toddlers... even things as simple as changing the diaper, getting him dressed, putting sleepsack on him etc. (M is most definitely not a cooperative toddler when it comes to lying/sitting still!)

I hear what you are saying, but if she is a grown up, she should be capable of figuring it out. I would go eat dinner at a regular time 6-7 when ever you get the reservation.) and give her the schedule to follow. I'm sure it will be fine. And if not, one night of not getting to sleep on tiime isn't going to set you back. Kids are resilient, you'll be able to pick up the bedtime routine again the next night. You two deserve a night out. It will all be okay.

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