Loss Check In

Mrs Nice · December 2013

Welcome to the checkin!

I am sorry to have to welcome new loss moms this week but am so glad that you have found us. I hope we can bring each other some much needed comfort and support. Please feel free to join in when you are ready and share as much or as little as you wish. Also, if you have any questions you would like answered, just ask! Any lurkers out there please don't be shy, we would like to be able to support you too.

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

QOTW: What do you think will be the hardest thing to have to deal with this Holiday Season without your Angel Baby here with you?

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

bunnybun4 · December 2013

((hugs)) to everyone this week. thinking about all of you during the holiday season.

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?I still feel like I am in a very peaceful place right now...I can't explain why or how but I just am...I am hurt and still have my moments of panic and dispair but for the most part I feel hopeful and OK.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? How do you plan to achieve this goal?I will start my repeat loss testing after two cyles so once again I have at least a two month window where I can get my body into better shape before another pregnancy...I'm still deciding how I want to do it but I may start running again or I may go back to Pure Barre.

QOTW: I can't quit thinking that this should be her first christmas...it really tears me up inside. DH keeps telling me that I can't think like that, that I just have to accept that it isnt' her first christmas. I hate it...I keep thinking of all the things we should be doing with her. It's also killing me to get christmas cards of babies born when she was due...it's just crazy to think that they all got to have their baby and I didn't.

What's on Your mind this week?of course missing Bunny over christmas. we are also throwing a big christmas party tomorrow night and that has been consuming my life...I love entertaining so it's been a great project during this hard time...now I am just ready for it to be here!

kz's_girlygirl · December 2013

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? At the monthly support group I go to, we talked about cultivating a specific quality in our lives, and I chose 'peace' as the quality I wanted to try and grow. To get there, I am really trying to work on forgiving myself for Jesse's death- even though I know it isn't my fault those feelings are still lingering. Treating my physical body a little bit better is helping me start down that road to forgiveness.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? My goal right now is to lose 9 more lbs by Feb. I've already lost 5 so I think I will be able to do it. I've been eating much better and going to the gym/doing yoga. Weight loss isn't the primary goal, but just getting my body into a healthier state in general- weight is just the easiest way to measure that right now.

QOTW: What do you think will be the hardest thing to have to deal with this Holiday Season without your Angel Baby here with you? The hardest part of this holiday is going to be not seeing my extended family. We usually go to my grandparents' house after Christmas morning with my parents and sisters/BIL's their kids. My cousin is due 2 weeks before I would have been, and I just can't bear to see her belly. Also, I didn't get a single card or phone call from any of my aunts or uncles when they heard the news of Jesse's death, so I don't want to be in a situation where we are all pretending nothing happened. It feels selfish, but I just want to avoid the entire situation, and I feel like I get a pass this year. ::shrugs::

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? A lot of changes are ahead- We are putting our house on the market next week. We moved here 1.5 yrs ago for DH's job and really dislike it. Our experience with the medical treatment here sealed the deal for us, and DH interviewed and got an awesome job offer earlier this week with a company in our hometown. So we are hopefully moving home soon!

stefuge · December 2013

@marylaurena - I'm so glad you are feeling peaceful and hopeful. Good luck with the party! -

@kz's_girlygirl - good luck with the move and congrats on YHs new job! That is exciting! I'm so sorry your family has been so distant and that you won't get to spend Christmas with all of them. That is a bummer. Good luck with the move!

stefuge · December 2013

**DS mentioned**

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
No. I've definitely been in a bit of a slump lately. I think I just need to get through the holidays and work being crazy and maybe then I can focus more on myself and feeling better.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
Nothing really. We are still trying to decide if we want to try for another baby. I still don't know. We can start TTCAL in February, but I don't know if I'll be ready by then. Either way, I need to start exercising and treating my body better. Kz's_girlygirl's post from yesterday inspired me!

QOTW: What do you think will be the hardest thing to have to deal with this Holiday Season without your Angel Baby here with you?
Christmas cards have been hard - seeing all the families and knowing I had planned to do a cute card with both our boys. But really I think Christmas morning will be the hardest. Watching DS open presents and be so excited, and not having anything under the tree for Colton.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?
I think Fridays are hard for me - maybe just worn out from the week? I don't know. I feel like every week when I do these check-ins I sound like such a bummer, and I don't feel this way every day, but for some reason, I tend to feel pretty blah on Fridays. I'm also feeling sad because a good friend is moving out of state at the end of this month, and as excited as I am for them, I'm still sad that she is leaving.

bunnybun4 · December 2013

@kz's_girlygirl you go girl on the weight loss!!! Also, props to you for protecting yourself on Xmas day.

@stefuge you are not a bummer every friday...this check in is a great outlet for all of the burdens we carry every second of every day...you need a place to vent!!! hope you start feeling better soon.

kz's_girlygirl · December 2013

Thanks for the support ladies

@marylaurena I hope you get some answers when the time comes to do the RLP testing. I know all sorts of testing can cause stress, even if it's just simple blood work, so keep us posted as the time gets closer. Also, I hope you have an amazing time and enjoy your holiday party!

@stefuge I'm glad I could inspire you, haha. There's a fitness app called Cody that has simple training schedules, daily challenges etc. that really helps motivate me. It's kind of like twitter in that you can follow and be followed by other people, but it is only for fitness.

diamante1181 · December 2013

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

I haven't necessarily taken any new steps this week. I had wanted to go to a support group yesterday, but it completely slipped my mind. I guess I'll have to wait until next month.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

I don't really have a goal right now. Nothing that I see for myself is yet attainable, only time can do that.

QOTW: What do you think will be the hardest thing to have to deal with this Holiday Season without your Angel Baby here with you?

The twins would not have been born yet, so I'm not sure how to answer this question, other than it is difficult to have imagined myself pregnant and had I still been pg, I would be getting the nursery ready and expecting their arrival at the end of January/early Feb.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

I really wish that I could get pg naturally, but I know this is not probable. At this point I just want AF to show up, and it has not yet reared its ugly head.

mingaling2 · December 2013

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
I'm not hesitating to be fully myself because I am afraid of who might be watching.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

Make it through the holidays.

QOTW: What do you think will be the hardest thing to have to deal with this Holiday Season without your Angel Baby here with you?
Being at home with my family during the holidays, who do not really consider Coraline a part of the family. It's heartbreaking. They won't speak of her.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

(see above). The painful silence I'm dealing with. People telling me I need to move on.

VyD81 · December 2013

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? No, been in a slump thinking about the holidays without Raynor.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Getting back to doing yoga 3 times a week, I need to be more grounded.

QOTW: What do you think will be the hardest thing to have to deal with this Holiday Season without your Angel Baby here with you? It just sucks. DH and I are not celebrating this year. We went to buy presents for our nieces and nephews today so we can ship them. It sucks to be in the children and baby sections.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? EDD just passed and just wish that this is all just a horrible nightmare.

angelsnight · December 2013

Ticker warning

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? Not really

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? We're going to a candle light vigil at the cemetery this week, hosted by the hospital.

QOTW: What do you think will be the hardest thing to have to deal with this Holiday Season without your Angel Baby here with you? Honestly, going to church on Christmas Eve. A lot of the more religious christmas songs choke me up, and I don't know, just something about being there....the first Christmas after I lost my mom was really hard and church was where I had a hard time as well. I really don't know why.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? This would have been Kayla's first Christmas, she would have been about 5 months old. Just really sad that she isn't here.

TwinkleTor · December 2013

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
We got married on Friday the 13th! I know it sounds strange to pick such a superstious day, but we think of it as more of a lucky day! And it gave us a reason to smile after so many sad anniversaries. We also feel that Domenik wanted this to happen, so we did it for him! We even brought his urn to the courthouse to witness the marriage himself! (Getting married was my to benefit our healing, just though out point out "my point")

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
Our next goal is to have our reception in July! We already done so much planning, and now after two losses I just want to focus on my wedding. We also decided to wait til after the wedding reception to try again. Losing Domenik was hard, but losing a second child only 3 months later made it so muh harder.

QOTW: What do you think will be the hardest thing to have to deal with this Holiday Season without your Angel Baby here with you?
Having to talk to everyone in person about him. My mom is hosting a New Years party and I told her I may not show up because I don't want to be pointed and stared at. I feel like I'm going to be "the girl that lost her baby" at the party and people are going to be whispering about me the whole time. Not to mention both Christmas and New Years Domenik was supposed to be here, so celebrating knowing he's not makes me feel quite guilty.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?
I'm still trying to adjust to being married. I know our relationship is solid. But I feel like so much of my identity is changing and it's hard to adjust.

Attached is a picture of us with Domenik after our ceremony! Just thought I'd share!

irons633 · December 2013

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? Not too much of anything just trying to take each day at a time. And get my mind wrapped around that I return to work on Wednesday and I am not sure how I feel about it. I do have my appointment with my MFM on Friday and I'm looking forward to that. Hope that will help me with healing. What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Getting a new job and getting results at my MFM appointment and preparing for our next steps. I am hoping that my MFM gives me things to do to help with conception and getting a healthy baby. QOTW: What do you think will be the hardest thing to have to deal with this Holiday Season without your Angel Baby here with you? Knowing that this was supposed to be my last week of work and doing the final touches getting ready for the arrival of our baby in 1/14/14. I am just ready for the holidays to past. I am not in the holiday spirit at all because what I wanted for Christmas I won't have. Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? How I am going to handle return to work for the second time without having a baby at home. It was hard the first time but this time I know will be worse because most of my time I was at work I was good and pregnant and it was the last place I was pregnant and felt my daughter.

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