Christmas disappointment - inlaws — The Bump
3rd Trimester

Christmas disappointment - inlaws

So I'm a little hurt and not sure if I'm overreacting from all hormones.

I've been on bed rest since 28 weeks and will be on bedrest until I turn 36 weeks (right after Christmas) due to pre term labor. My inlaws insist to come here every other weekend to "help". They don't bring food, they don't cook, they don't clean up after themselves. But they do watch my son to give my husband a break and although they are not perfect, we appreciate their efforts. This is the first time we actually needed their help with anything in two years. We always include them on everything related to our son though (even his daycare Christmas event, Halloween etc) but never ask them to help as an obligation.

They have 2 other grandchildren. They also travel to see them all the time. Always to help when my brother in law needs a sitter etc. My inlaws are never included in any events related to the kids at school or stuff like that (Xmas etc).

We will be alone on Christmas (cant drive anywhere) and we invited my inlaws, mentioning it would be exciting to watch my son open gifts Christmas morning (he is two). She said she didn't had plans yet. I told her to think about it, talk to my brother in law and let is know.
She told us today she would not come here, that she would be with her other son on Christmas Eve and Christmas morning to watch their kids open their gifts. My sister in law said they would not come because their kids need to wake up in their own bed on Christmas morning (which I understand, although is weird because she doesn't allow them to believe in Santa - Christmas, she says, needs to be about jesus).

I'm a little sad. We will spend Christmas alone unable to go anywhere. Every one of the 6 years I've been with my husband, we went anywhere they asked us to (usually to my husband's brother) Im also hurt that there seem to be no interest on my sons Christmas morning.

My parents would do anything to be a part of these events (in fact, they insisted we skyped on Christmas morning so they could participate).

I feel like giving them the silent treatment. I'm hurt. Would you be upset? Am I going insane from being stuck here for this long and overreacting?
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Re: Christmas disappointment - inlaws

  • I understand your frustration with the situation, but you might be overreacting a little. Although I've never been on bed rest so I would imagine a lot of boredom and frustration accompanies it. I can't say I wouldn't be annoyed...
    Sorry you're so upset :(
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  • I can see what you are upset- I don't think you are overreacting, I think it is a little sad to be alone on Christmas and can understand the feeling that the family is not making a big effort to support you and be with your son on Christmas Day- Although I do get the wanting the kids to wake up at home on Christmas because I am sort or big on that, too. Maybe talk to your DH and get his take? He might be able to gently speak with his family - perhaps they don't realize how much it means to you? Is there a reason your parents aren't traveling to see you? I might be more upset about not seeing my own parents, but of course there are reasons this doesn't happen for people.
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  • I don't think your over reacting at all. My MIL is the same way. She will help us only when asked but has a clear preference to her other Grandkids.
    Use this Chirstmas to really focus on your son. It will be the last Christmas it's just him so make sure it's ALL about him.
    Also enjoy the skype time with the people who want to be around.

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    dgma3
  • edited December 2013
    Thanks ladies for your honest opinions. To answer SUperMom17 question, my parents live abroad and they are coming in January this year since tats when I'm due. I will miss them. I've been overly sensitive after all the scares from this pregnancy but I was disappointed. It seems they always want to come here when the others shut them off, so at some point it gets old, you know? Thanks for sharing your thoughts and I will focus on the little man and on making it special for him regardless of them being tree or not. They will miss out!
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    dedeyoba
  • I think you are over reacting.

    Make your plans as you like for Xmas in the future. Other people are allowed to occupy their time as they see fit without justifying their motives to you.

    It is not a score keep. Just because you've attended other events does not mean anyone "owes you" to watch your son open presents.

    It would be nice if the grandparents could attend Xmas morning with you. Maybe suggest (I stress this is a suggestion & not a demand) that the grand parents rotate Christmases?


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    [Deleted User][Deleted User]
  • icoelho said:
    Thanks ladies for your honest opinions. To answer SUperMom17 question, my parents live abroad and they are coming in January this year since tats when I'm due. I will miss them. I've been overly sensitive after all the scares from this pregnancy but I was disappointed. It seems they always want to come here when the others shut them off, so at some point it gets old, you know? Thanks for sharing your thoughts and I will focus on the little man and on making it special for him regardless of them being tree or not. They will miss out!

    That stinks... I feel for you. I am not overly close with my in-laws, but they live closer to us than my own family and this we end up relying on them more... Which is unreliable at best. So I get it... And I definitely don't think you Re being over reactive. It's tough to have a complicated pregnancy and feel somewhat alone. That being said, I think you are handling it well and are right in focusing on your son and making the days epically for him!
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    knottie3c0525a8a3c64eaasjirishgirl
  • *special for him... Sorry for my typos... Multi-task bumping
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  • How close do your BIL and SIL live?

    I was on strict bed rest the Christmas before my DS was born and I was allowed to go to my parents house (30 min away) and stay in their recliner.

    Also, you'll probably want to stay at your own house from now on, esp. with 2 young kids.

    #rainbows and #unicorns make any situation #cute. keithcorcoran
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  • In my family we do 2 of each holiday. One for our own families separate and one of all of us together. We usually rotate where these are held depending on who wants to host. Have you considered something like this?
    imageimage

  • I understand being disappointed, but this is their holiday too and the can spend it how they please.  I don't know why they chose to spend it with BIL's family, but I assume they have their reasons. 

    Please respect their decision. 

    [Deleted User]
  • I think that you take this time to create some new traditions with just your family. It sounds like you are tired of playing host to others in your extended family, when you should be resting. I say start a new chapter and become a little more assertive. 
    As some have suggested, maybe start rotating hosting christmas in the future if it's really important to you. 
    msenginerd
  • Another vote for overreacting. 
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  • While I totally understand why you are sad and disappointed (I would be too), I think you need to try not to take this personally. They had to make a decision and I doubt they were keeping score. They had to make a choice who to spend Christmas with and it sounds like they chose the family they don't see as often. Which makes sense in a way.

    I'm sorry you are disappointed, I agree with maybe coming up with another family tradition just for you guys!

    A
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    Jazznit1984
  • Thanks ladies. I am a bit emotional from being home all this time and from all the stress. Although they have been here a lot over the past 6 weeks, they are much closer with the other family so it's understandable they want to spend Christmas with them. I will just let it be and as many mentioned, start our own tradition
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  • CactusGirlCactusGirl member
    edited December 2013
    But you're not going to be alone on Christmas; won't your husband and son be there? I mean, that is your family.

    PrimRoseMamaimakeeff0rts[Deleted User]
  • Why not enjoy your family and cherish a special moment for your son instead of focusing on people you're getting irritated around anyway? Doesn't make sense. You may never get another Christmas with just the three ( or four if you want to count inside baby) ever again. Enjoy it
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  • I was on bedrest with my first DD I get feeling left out but you also need to kind of realize that as "unfair" as it can be not everyone is willing or wants to accommodate you being on bedrest. Its temporary it will end and Christmas next year will different anyway. Also something that no one else pointed out your BIL and SIL do not do the "santa" thing and you apparently do this is probably why they don't want to come to you because their traditions probably starkly contrast if not directly clash with yours. They may not want their children to have to "pretend" for yours. Its a fair and valid reason for staying home. Your MIL and FIL may have just decided with so much attention coming your way with them "helping" every other weekend they feel they want to go to their other son's. Not everything is 50/50 in a family all the time. Keeping score won't make you happy but it will keep bad feelings close to the surface. My grandmother this year was actively pressuring my mom and dad to go to her house for Christmas despite the fact I can't travel. Of course this makes me feel bad because she obviously didnt give two craps that I wouldnt be able to attend and my daughter would be missing her grandparents and I would be missing my parents. She does this because she ridiculously favors my cousin who is single without children and refuses to go anywhere for Christmas except my Grandmothers. My grandmother repeatedly caters to her and it is irritating but I just let it go. So you can either insist on strict FAIRNESS or just get over it...
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