Work and IF Appointments

JMForte33 · December 2013

Hello Ladies! I just have a quick question. First a little background. I work at a bank part time (Tues, Wed & Thurs 10-4) and then we have to work at least 3 out of 6 saturdays (9-12) which we sign up for but about 1 month in advance. Also we have not told anyone that we are going through IF treatments.

Well I have been looking at my timing for this IUI cycle and if it is the same as last IUI I will have to go in for the procedure on Sat the 21st, which of course I am suppose to work. Now I know every cycle is different but I would like to tell them soon if I cannot come in.

Also should mention while I LOVE the women I work with it is the higher ups in the company that are very unaccommodating and pretty much could care less what is going on in my personal life ( it is like pulling teeth to get a day off for even funerals!).

So after that long explanation my question is, how should I approach my manager if I do need the day off? While she has been accommodating in the past ( she let me "call out sick" on a week day when I had a docs appointment to make sure I had it off) how much info do you think I need to tell her about why I need it off? I think people are starting getting suspicious too. Should I just come clean and tell her whats going on and hope she doesn't need to tell anyone above her? Has anyone else been in a situation like this? TIA

sorry so long

EDIT: Also should mention last year I tried to take a saturday off and it was a sh*t show!

Alicia_R1 · December 2013

Because of the location of our RE and the appointment times and the location of where we work, I worked with my bosses to put in a telework agreement and so they also would know why I was not in the office or taking so many sick days if I couldn't have got that agreement in place.

I know in your situation you can't do telework, but I felt it did not hurt to open up to my bosses, all the way up to our directorate level which is 2 levels higher than my direct supervisor. in part because my husband and I both work in the same division and direrctorate it helped that they knew. And the deputy director was my old branch chief (first line supervisor). Having the senior leadership know of our issues made it much easier on us.

JMForte33 · December 2013

Ya my RE's office is about 1 1/2 hours away so it is a trek to get there too. I think I am leaning towards telling her because if we have to do more treatments after this this same situation will probably come up again. Thanks for responding

missmarypoppins · December 2013

I would tell her what's going on and hope that she gives you some wiggle room. Could you switch with someone else for their Saturday? Good luck!

Lady2010 · December 2013

Hi - I was in a similar situation earlier this year when I started all my appointments. My company / job was more flexible in terms of being able to work remotely, etc. However with the number of days I was working from home in the morning or coming in late, I didn't want my boss to think I was interviewing elsewhere, etc so at the end of our weekly 1:1 meetings I brought it up. I told her I know I had been out / late a lot lately and I didn't want her to think I was looking elsewhere and told her that my DH and I were going through fertility treatments and unfortunately the timing of appointments leaves a bit to be desired. I told her I would do my best to give her advance notice when I would be out / working from home / late and to please let me know asap if she felt I was neglecting any responsibilities, etc. Her response was that she was happy I told her and that it was no problem at all - she wasn't worried about it / my performance.

It was very awkward as I have always worked in fields where they are male dominated, etc. But in the end, my boss respected my decision to tell her, and it wasn't an issue. (the company subsequently had a reorg and our entire team - boss included - was eliminated but it had nothing to do with my telling my boss)

And I am now interviewing with companies and while I don't plan to tell them until after I find a job; if we are continuing treatments, I will certainly let them know to ensure my reputation isn't impacted.

It is though very personal, and obviously each situation is different. I wish you all the best with whatever you decide to do. And FX for your IUI!!!

STBMrsMiller · December 2013

I told my (male) boss, who I was never worried about being flexible. But I also applied for FMLA for our IVF cycle. The appointments are an hour drive and I was also doing acupuncture in that city. I supervise a team, so the FMLA was an easy way to tell my employees, HR, and peers that I would be out intermittently on FMLA with no other explanation.

brittneyandadam · December 2013

I work part time as well, but I'm very lucky in that my boss lets me come in whenever I want...as long as I work the 20 hours/week and as long as I get my work done. However, I did end up telling her what was going on. A part of my job is fielding calls from blood drives and I have to let her know when I'm leaving so the staff have someone they can get in contact with. The RE is right around the corner, but I was going to so many appts, she started to get suspicious that I was leaving work for other reasons. (Can we say hooray for micromanagement? *sarcasm*)

She's a bit more understanding now, but she does get downright patronizing about it sometimes and gives unhelpful advice. She has kept it a secret like I asked her though...to the best of my knowledge.

I would just make sure that your manager isn't like my boss...the "I'm being gentle because of your situation" comments are getting tiring. I think that letting her know that appointment days can be unpredictable would help in your situation...just so she knows that it's not the type of appointment where you can reschedule for a different day.

JMForte33 · December 2013

Thanks ladies! I actually did end up telling her yesterday. Hadn't planned on it until next week but I ended up staying late and it was just me and her in the branch so I figured what the heck. She definitely offered to work around it, either by switching days or me just not going in. I told her that I didn't want any of the higher-ups to know about this and she agreed saying it wasn't any of their business so that made me feel much better too.

Thanks again, this is the best place to find advice on this stuff!

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