Letting go!

staebells · December 2013

Anyone else have a hard time letting DH take over to give you a break, even though you really need the break?! My DH travels on a weekly basis and I love it when he works from home, but I have the hardest time letting him do things "his way" versus my way when he gives me a break. I'm home with DS most of the time alone. How do you let go and let him figure it out? I have to have wine or vodka...just joking, but kind of not. I want to not be a nag, but I know what works best with our LO. Thoughts or similar experiences?

Tshae2432 · December 2013

Yes! I stay home all day with our LO and DH works from 4:30am til 8 or 9pm. So he isn't able to spend much time with him during the week. So when weekend comes he likes to do a lot with LO. I found myself constantly telling him how to do something or what he likes. Only because I felt since I spend so much more time with him that I kinda have more of a feel for what works for him. But DH voiced that when I do that it makes him feel like I think he doesn't know what to do & a bad dad. So I ded have worked on not saying anything and just letting him do things his way cause I appreciate everything he does and don't want to make him feel that way. It def is hard tho.

anotherlady2013 · December 2013

I did at first. But not anymore. It took me realizing that we have our own ways and that doesn't mean either one is wrong.

staebells · December 2013

@dhaueisen, I'm glad to hear things went well for you today! It's a big deal!

bermybabe68 · December 2013

Ditto for me. It's not easy but if the roles were reversed then I'd be really annoyed with DH telling me what to do with my child. I really need to chill out on the control/advice thing. Also I don't want DD to be one of those kids who isn't flexible and has to have things a certain way ... which is basically me

. Not my best quality.

barnratash · December 2013

Ugh yes. DH and I have been fighting about this a lot lately. I get too up his ass about everything and it makes him insane. He is absolutely capable and I have a problem letting go for sure. Its hard for me because I'm with DS all day so i know what his cues are and do certain things throughout the day. Different doesn't mean wrong and I never can seem to grasp that. I go back to work soon so hopefully I'll chill out.

EMLYNNLERETTE · December 2013

I have a hard time! My husband has never taken the time to familiarize himself with DDs allergy enough to make me feel comfortable leaving him with her. He seldomly checks labels and I'm fairly certain he only looks to see if the label reads 'contains: milk.' For DS I just think he is lazy. I have been really on him lately to step up his game though and I am starting to gain a little more confidence in his parenting abilities. It has been two and a half years since we had DD and since then the longest I have ever been childless was to get my hair cut-only twice in that time!

llybeck · December 2013

Oh sweet Jesus, no! And I don't look at it as a "break", it's just him being dad and we watch her and handle baby duties pretty equally. I couldn't possibly care less that he does things differently, as long as he's not somehow hurting DD than he's doing just fine in my book! If I felt like I didn't have confidence in his patenting skills I would probably give myself an anxiety induced heart attack.

I'm also of the mindset that if he's doing chores, I tell him he's doing outstanding. Even if he isn't doing the most perfect job and he's not doing it "my" way I would still rather have him do it and be happy instead of me telling him it's wrong and having him not want to do it. I'm not very picky, lol

hmlynch84 · December 2013

I have a hard time because I feel bad for DH. LO fights taking a bottle and gets very fussy and worked up when I'm not around. I feel bad that LO isn't easily comforted by his daddy and screams and cries until I get home.

ejb23 · December 2013

Ditto for me. Even though he is awesome dad- re: my step daughter. He isn't around DD enough yet to get her likes/dislikes and esp our routine. I am either biting my tongue or correcting him when he does try to help which is not good. He's done with school in less than 12 hours and will be able to help much more so hopefully it will get easier

Jupiter62 · December 2013

This was tough at first. But the best (or really, the only decent) parenting advice I've gotten is to let DH be a dad from the start. We have different styles and even though my way is obviously the right way (lol), as long as he isn't hurting DS I'm fine. Besides, if I had to figure out DS's cues the hard way, he can too lol.

In the long run, its far better to have an involved and comfortable dad than it is to be rocked to sleep the right way.

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