Why don't women cry during birth?

Morenajuliet · December 2013

With a bunch of the stories I've heard, videos I've seen and conversations I've had with friends obviously most say that giving birth hurts. What is interesting to me though is that I don't see women crying during birth. I know it sounds like a stupid question but if I'm physically hurt I cry sometimes. If childbirth is painful how come women don't cry during it? STMs-I know this sounds like a stupid question but what are your thoughts based on your experience?

salsamommy · December 2013

Simple, you're thinking about pushing the 6-9 lb human out of your vagina and just too damn occupied to think about crying over the pain itself.

Cry happy tears after when you hold your baby for the first time.

PBP2002 · December 2013

Interesting thought. My uneducated guess is because the pain isn't sudden. I mean, it builds through labor and even the pain within each contraction builds then goes away. So it's not shocking - you have time to adjust to the pain, rather than stubbing your toe, or breaking a bone where the onset of pain reaches it's maxium suddenly.

Jackinthebox23 · December 2013

I didn't cry because I was to busy screaming. I cried once she was out.

forevergraceful · December 2013

I would guess that other parts of your brain takeover. Kind of like it takes a bit to realize when you get burned or that a cut hurts. I dunno….

wedbliss5 · December 2013

I think you are too focused elsewhere. However, I had an early epi and don't remember much pain, so there is that too. Or it could be you are in shock... regardless, it is interesting to think about!

ETA: I did SOB (to the point of almost hyperventilating) when getting my epidural, not because it hurt but because I'm terrified of needles. i was actually amazed at how much it DIDN'T hurt.

tootsscott · December 2013

I'm afraid of crying during my c-section and working myself into a tizzy. This is one of the reasons I would have preferred a vaginal birth! Considering taking an iPod in with me to distract from what's happening.

MrsGraham06 · December 2013

Um, I cried.

It was during transition, went I went from 3 cm to 10 in an hour. I had already asked for the epidural, and the guy took so long to get there. I was past the point of caring about my contractions they hurt so bad, and I wasn't able to get out of bed. I was just in a constant pain, just trying to breathe, and I cried.

I cried through getting the epidural, my contractions were coming so fast. Once I had that blessed, wonderful modern technology working its magic, I was very focused. Baby was born and then it was happy tears

litzo27 · December 2013

Interesting question. I never thought about it but now that you bring it up I realize that I didn't cry during either of my two unmedicated births (and, you're right, they sure did hurt). I can't say exactly why - I just think that all of the energy was focused elsewhere: at first on breathing, positions and later on pushing. You just "can't afford" to bawl : you need to maintain both your strength and focus and I think your body knows it. I did cry as soon as the baby was born both times but it was a mix of adrenaline-rush/happiness kind of cry.

P.S. I also didn't scream as I could have pointed out in the nutty post below but I honestly don't want to touch that discussion with any-length-pole.

Bwhitten · December 2013

I cried a little bit the first time but I think I just lost focus let the pain take over and my mom was there so I got emotional.

BuckeyeANG · December 2013

I cried as I felt my epidural wearing off because I was freaking the eff out. I don't know if I cried during the actual pushing. I cried happy/relieved tears once he was finally out.

OSUWifey09 · December 2013

With DS, my epi wore off the last two hours, so the contractions were intense. I did cry a little bit, but I was so focused on getting through them that the tears didn't last long. Breathing took over the crying. Once he was out, I bawled my eyes out. I never thought about it like that, though...huh.

sugarland726 · December 2013

I cry very easily, but I don't remember crying through birth. I remember being focused on what was happening, so maybe that prevented me from crying? I cried after we made the decision for a c-section so I was out of the "pushing" moment and could feel the weight of the situation around me.

moosebaby2011 · December 2013

Adrenaline maybe? I definitely cried after, but it was more of a "look at the beautiful baby that we made" kind of cry than an "OMG THAT WAS THE WORST PAIN EVER" kind of cry.

purplepenguin2011 · December 2013

I agree with @moosebaby2011 I think it's adrenaline. There is just so much going on and you're focusing on getting this baby out that you just can't afford to waste the energy on crying at that moment. When they put my DD in my arms for the first time...i just remember complete shock that i had a baby now. It's a very crazy sensation and very emotional.

Armyratt · December 2013

I cried!! With my first I was young and scared. When the lady in the room next to me started screaming I lost it!! But it really was not from the pain cause I was just in the middle of labor it was just from being scared of what was about to happen. I also cried when both my kids were placed on my chest.

agunnet · December 2013

Pretty sure I've cried every time and will probably cry again this time

[Deleted User] · December 2013

I cried. I cried like a baby. I was held by the attendant in the hospital while I was in a fetal position and bawling. That ish hurt!

married2matt · December 2013

I cried in between contractions with my first child. I think it was a hormonal shift after contractions during the transition phase. It was wild. I remember apologizing for crying. But as soon as a contraction began, my focus shifting to getting through that. And then the release would happen and the tears would come.

LuLusmomma · December 2013

Like PP, I cried after and not from pain so much as relief and overwhelming joy. I think I was too focused on the directions the nurse was guiding me with. A little space ship could've landed in the room and little green aliens could've popped out and my thought process still would've been "I can deal with that later. Right now, I'm getting this baby out!"

LindsB314 · December 2013

I cried right after the nurse said it was time to push. I was suddenly so scared of the unknown mixed in with I'm so close to meeting my son or daughter. I also thought I wasn't going to know how to push. I only cried for a few minutes then as everyone else said, focused on pushing. I cried again when they told me I had a daughter and put her on me

so happy!

BEAUNAL · December 2013

There are no stupid questions when it comes to something as complicated and important as child birth. I had tons of questions before I had my first son. I have two sons and didn't cry with either during labor. The process is very intense so for me, crying meant I had lost control of my emotions and wasn't able to have a way to focus on what was happening. Does that make sense? I knew I had to keep it together. However, I did feel like crying (lump in my throat) a couple of times out of frustration and then with my last son when his heart rate was concerning, I kind of panicked.

After you deliver, it's serious euphoria and the tears are of joy and relief and of course the purest love you'll ever feel.

Now, with all that said, each delivery is different, so I reserve the right to be a sobbing mess during this delivery. No two experiences are the same.

Hope that helps.

megngregk · December 2013

::slowly backing out of post::

waittilltomorrow · December 2013

I cried while I was pushing with my first born as I begged them to use forceps to pull her out. The nurse declined and told me I had to push her out myself. I think it is strange when people say that you forget about the pain after the baby is born. I sure as hell didn't.

jhunter89 · December 2013

For me, the only crying I did was emotional crying. I didn't cry from the pain at all, it wasn't a sharp "ow, something is very wrong" pain, it was a "holy crap this is intense, I need to focus" pain.

cyndilouwho77 · December 2013

tootsscott said:

I'm afraid of crying during my c-section and working myself into a tizzy. This is one of the reasons I would have preferred a vaginal birth! Considering taking an iPod in with me to distract from what's happening.

@tootsscott I did great during my first c-section, however with my second they gave me meds for nausea and I did get emotional and had to have someone stroking my head the whole time. This time because I am older, I actually have far more fear than I should and have been thinking about taking music in with me as well.....as long as the dr doesnt mind me singing (its a bad habit)...lol! I am going to ask at my next appointment if I can listen to headphones during the second half of the surgery! You wont need them for the first half because you will have your YH with you and the babies come really quickly after they start, but once they send the babies off to the nursery for all their care your headphones might really come in handy that is the longest part of the surgery!

Cara1024 · December 2013

I can 100% guarantee you that I WILL cry.

I cry about everything.

hopefully there won't be rain though.

brideandbreve · December 2013

I didn't cry while in labor with DS, and I think that's because even when I dilated fast - going from 3 to 10 in about an hour - all I could do was breathe because I felt like I was dying. I can remember sitting on the edge of the hospital bed waiting for an epidural that never happened (because I dilated too fast), and I swayed forward and back while I took deep breaths and just prayed. It was crazy.

I think that most women just sort of go into a "zone" while laboring. Whether you're all zen and peaceful with the world, or you turn into a screaming beast grabbing doctors by their lab coats, it's just how you cope with what's happening with your body.

Kbrittonhart · December 2013

I think it's a combination of adrenaline and focusing on the contractions or anticipating the next one. I did cry after though but they were tears of fear, joy, and panic

jldubb0626 · December 2013

I didn't cry. I was on a high of adrenaline that I swear lasted about a week into being home. There is a goal at the end of the pain and I focused on that instead of the contractions.

Morenajuliet · December 2013

Good feedback ladies! Thanks for sharing!

mairybear · December 2013

You are concentrating on how to get the baby out in the end and prior to that the other stages require mental toughness, crying is kind of your body's way of releasing and admitting you're at the end of your rope I'm guessing? I have no idea. I did almost cry during epidural out of being so terrified. Thank god for the nurse that let me brace her, hard to do it with contractions and no one. (DH isn't allowed during epidural).

secret214uWed28879 · December 2013

I cried because of the pain of my 1st ds labor and I cried with my 3rd ds labor and before I was going to get an epi.

mrsjenni · December 2013

I think some women cry during labor, but most are just focused on the goal... getting that baby out as quickly as possible to that the pain stops.

And I cried after that final push with all of my kids... it's so emotionally wonderful meeting your babies for the first time. It's perfect.

kwinkle1980 · December 2013

I cried during the labor. I cried, threw up...it is extremely painful. During the pushing phase you get in the zone and the most painful part is over.

squeakbeth · December 2013

Labor just puts you in a place you can't fathom until you have done it.

You are focused, that is true, but sometimes it is not a conscious focus. That implies you have your wits about you and have chosen to work for something. Some women can do that; I could not! It was more like something primal took over and was just ushering me towards the end. So, crying never occurred to me. I was just trying to keep up with what was going on. I cry when I hurt myself the slightest bit, so I just have to think that nature's mechanisms take over in labor in a way that is different from any time in your life.

Even when my DD's heart rate started dropping and people flooded into my room, I remember thinking "this is scary" but it was just words with no feeling behind it. I cry now every single time I think about it. I just wasn't CAPABLE in the moment. Very weird.

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