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Working Moms
Curls218
member
daycare vs nanny?
Curls218
member
in Working Moms
I've been back at work for 2 weeks part-time (I go back full time after the new year). DS currently goes to daycare 2 days a week and we've already had a few issues with them. One was more of an issue than the others - the afternoon lady who takes over after his primary caregiver leaves told my husband that I had said not to overfeed the baby so she was letting him cry a bit before giving him a bottle (which I never in a million years would have said, I was wondering why he consistently ate 1 bottle less than I was sending). We spoke with that woman as well as the director of the daycare and hopefully that is now resolved. The other issues were small - his primary caregiver keeps calling him by the wrong name (the name of someone she has in the early morning, so she says) and on his daily log one day an activity listed was "looking around the room" (so basically he was just left in a chair to entertain himself??? they never really clarified this when we asked). He's also the youngest at 3 1/2 months, the rest of the kids in his infant room are either crawling or walking and aren't as dependent on the caretakers for every activity.
My husband brought up looking into getting a nanny. But I'm not 100% sold on them. I get it will be more individual attention and there's the added bonus of not having to rush out of work early to pick him up, or even rushing in the morning to get him out the door so I can make my train. But my concern is that he'll lose out on the socialization aspect of daycare and the whole "learning from watching the older children". Also, in my own "mommy guilt" kind of way I feel that if we have a nanny that takes him to Gymboree and storytime at the library, etc I'll be jealous that I should be taking him to that stuff.
Anyone care to share their experience with choosing daycare vs a nanny? If we have another issue with this daycare then we'll pull him out, but we do have other dc options if we don't go the nanny route. We haven't priced out nannies, but I know that dc in our area isn't the cheapest so it might not be that much of a difference. And while we have a guestroom I wouldn't want a live-in nanny. Just someone who comes to our house M-F while we're at work.
My husband brought up looking into getting a nanny. But I'm not 100% sold on them. I get it will be more individual attention and there's the added bonus of not having to rush out of work early to pick him up, or even rushing in the morning to get him out the door so I can make my train. But my concern is that he'll lose out on the socialization aspect of daycare and the whole "learning from watching the older children". Also, in my own "mommy guilt" kind of way I feel that if we have a nanny that takes him to Gymboree and storytime at the library, etc I'll be jealous that I should be taking him to that stuff.
Anyone care to share their experience with choosing daycare vs a nanny? If we have another issue with this daycare then we'll pull him out, but we do have other dc options if we don't go the nanny route. We haven't priced out nannies, but I know that dc in our area isn't the cheapest so it might not be that much of a difference. And while we have a guestroom I wouldn't want a live-in nanny. Just someone who comes to our house M-F while we're at work.
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Re: daycare vs nanny?
DS is in a larger day care center and overall we are happy with it. My childcare situation fell apart very last minute and I basically had 1 week to find something else. I interviewed 4 nannies and cried with each one that came over. I just was not comfortable and didnt have time to keep interviewing people, and then would want to have them shadow me for a bit to get used to DS schedule. We went the day care route and its been working out. My biggest complaints are: taking him out in the cold at 7am (we dont wake him, he gets up earlier than that on his own but still stinks to get him out of the house that early) and the amount he has gotten sick the first year. Other than that he has great socialization, the center sends me pictures every day if i want, they do a ton of activities and i know his teachers love him. nothing is perfect....you would have gripes with either situation...you just need to pick your battles and figure out whats most important to you. People have great stories with both nannies and day care.
Nanny all the way here. Never even considered the alternative. The benefits far outweigh the perceived negatives you mention. If you can afford the nanny, I would go for it.
First, on the socialization aspect. Consider if you were a SAHM, your child would only be with you. Would you be worried then? How would you address? You would take them to Gymboree, etc. So your nanny will do this. As to feeling jealous about your nanny doing those things, I don't see it any differently than a daycare getting to spend that time with your child. So you just have to realize that for either need or want, you are working. Someone else is getting to spend that time with your child (which incidentally is good for them to see you working and them getting more love all around). It's additive, not replacement. Just make the time you get count. Put down the iPhone, turnoff the TV and interact. Your child will always have a special relationship with you despite having a great one with the nanny. That's really want you hope for; that your child loves your nanny. When I'm at work, my kids ask for me all the time. And when I'm home, they ask for our nanny. I don't let it hurt my feelings. It just is.
I think a lot of the "problems" you're experiencing now are kind of just part of being new to daycare. Some of them (like the bottle issue) could also happen with a nanny. I really believe that as you become more comfortable with daycare and as they get to know your son better, you won't feel the same way about these things. For example, the activity "looking around the room" at 3 months wouldn't bother me at all.
For what it's worth, my girls love their daycare (school). They're almost always excited to go there. They have great friends and teachers, and they learn so much. I wouldn't have it any other way.
And with the crying before a bottle, I didn't want to write a novel in my OP, but the lady actually told my husband that DS "exhausted himself crying because he was hungry", meanwhile he had 2 full bottles in the fridge. Then when we spoke to her about it she said she never said that. That was what caused the concern.
I'm off during the holidays but will put him in daycare for part of the day on days he's usually there, so I'll just show up to pick him up unannounced and see what they're doing with him.
I haven't read all the PP, so apologies if it has already been said. I think it greatly depends on finding the right center and/or the right nanny. DS goes to a very good DC and we are very happy with it. Every teacher there knows him by name and I feel like they genuinely care about him. But some centers aren't as great. Same with nannies - one of my friends have a fantastic nanny who takes her 2 boys out to activities every day and has multiple play dates a day. Her boys are engaged and active all the time. But I also have friends whose nannies don't do much with the kids.
Personally, I think that a great nanny is harder to find than a great center. That's why we are keeping DS in a DC. However, DS didn't go to DC until he was about 10 months (he was watched by my parents before that) and I feel like that was the right age. I think it would be hard for me emotionally to put a very young infant in DC.
DS went to daycare starting at 6 weeks. His main teacher had been in the very same classroom taking care of babies for 17 years. The other main teacher (2 teachers, 8 babies) had been there 6 years. Both were warm, loving, joyful women. DS was always being held and doted on; the teachers sat on the floor and snuggled the babies, read books, sang songs, etc. I learned a great deal from them. There was only 1 floater for the room, so the caregivers were very consistent. The only con was that DS was sick all.the.time. We had my mom to help, and my job was a bit more flexible then, so I could take a few sick days.
DD had a nanny share for the first year. She got sick less, and DS could stay with the nanny if he couldn't go to school. The nanny herself was great, very helpful, experienced, and reliable. The cons were the expense and the fact that I didn't enjoy being an employer. At 1, DD started daycare, and it has been wonderful for her. I can't say enough about how much I love my children's school. My employer now offers back-up care, so I think if we decide to have a third child, I will send the baby to daycare.
FWIW, I have been using the exact center Amy refers to since 2008. First my son started at six weeks, then my daughter. EBF for 6 and 12 months and napped like champs.
The key, OP, is that you have to feel comfortable with your choice. Honestly, your description about what happened around him crying while hungry suggests that the caregiver is being dishonest. This would really bother me. Also, the wrong name would too. Especially if it was frequent. Maybe you could tour a few other centers and get an idea of what your other options are before you make any decisions.
We have loved using a center but are considering a nanny next year solely bc of the flexibility we need. I'm not really thrilled about it because 1. I prefer not having someone in my house, 2. Having to deal with her sick days , and 3. The lack of accountability/backup/oversight. I like the team nature of a center.
There is NOTHING wrong with daycare. I repeat nothing. But if you're only choosing it bc you think he will be socialized and bc you'll be jealous if the nanny takes him to storytime them you have your priorities mixed up. You need to do what's best for your son at this time.
For what it's worth we have a nanny, we love it, and my 13 month old is still not at a developmental age where she would socialize w other kids. At best she likes side-by-side play and that's fine. I'm not trying to rush her socialization. She's just fine. Remember before daycare people used to stay home with their kids more and they were none the worse. I think this whole socialization aspect of daycare is overplayed and I hate that people think having a nanny means your kid is going to be some anti social freak bc they weren't around other kids socializing from 6 weeks old!
scientific fact, and to say that daycare isn't school is also not true for many programs.
Yes but she is talking about socialization for a 3.5 month old! I mean c'mon. There are better reasons for daycare like oversight and money saving. Socialization at that age makes no sense.
Also how do you know your first DD transitioned better to school bc of daycare? Unless you were able to simultaneously have her home w a nanny and in daycare I don't understand how you can make that statement. Maybe she would have transitioned well to school regardless of daycare, nanny or SAHM.
I just feel like there's so much negativity and suspicion of nannies on this board and people who post get a skewered version.
We could not function without my nanny and in addition to loving DD like her own, DD is learning a third language, is under constant supervision, has a great schedule and she helps with housekeeping. So many great benefits. Nannies should not be seen as spoiling children or for some uber rich. When our new baby arrives our nanny will take care of both of them, just like if I SAHM I would've had one on one with DD then parented both kids. I don't see what is so exotic or strange about having young children not preschool age stay at home and why this alleged benefit of daycare is so much better.
And Amy, wtf? Seriously, wtf is your problem? No one is putting you or your choices down here, but holyshit do you come unhinged. I don't need to have a PhD in psychology to see that you have issues. But for poops and giggles, please share what makes YOU an expert on child development, please. Good for you that you work part time, want a cookie? Again - I wasn't making an argument against nannies/for daycare. I sure asshit wasn't saying that socialization was the reason I choose daycare. I stated that babies notice other babies and appreciate them. In whatever context. With a nanny, with a SAHM, with a fox, in a box, whatever.
I am going to agree here. The post was taken out of context. It has nothing to do with nannies or daycares being a better choice...it has to do with the pure fact that babies do socialize before the age of 3/4 or whatever was assumed. whether its needed or necessary or anything else...they do enjoy being around other children and watching and observing. You can get that from day care....we do...and for me to get my fill we also do Little Gym on saturday mornings. If you have a nanny, its a great idea to get them involved in activities or organize play dates because kids enjoy it! I actually think DS gets a little bored at home with just me when I am off work! He likes the interaction and the stimulation and the activities at daycare like finger painting and circle time.
The point is....kids of all ages like to socialize and its healthy for them. It can happen in many ways...but its good/necessary. I know for a fact that my mom was a SAHM and we never sat in the house all day we were constantly out and about with other kids from very very early on doing tummy time together, etc! Its all good.
OP -- whatever you choose, it will be great. And the best part is, nothing is permanent so you can switch at anytime!`
I agree with this. DD has gone to daycare since about 4 months old. Luckily, our daycare has be amazing since the beginning. As an infant DD was in a room with 2 teachers and only 4 total babies right in the hospital where I worked. It was wonderful, but I know not everyone is lucky enough to have that situation.
DD really started socializing at 12-14 months. She was an early walker and began playing with the other walkers pretty early as well. From that point on, I would never have chosen a nanny over daycare. But like I said, we've had no complaints with our centers and have been extremely lucky.
If we do have another child, we will get a nanny for the baby for the first 10-12 months and continue to send DD to pre-school.
I'm late to the convo here but....We have done both. DS was in daycare from 12 weeks until 7 months, and then one of his teachers at DC became our nanny (I know, we are rebels like that). She's been with us for just over a year now. We LOVED the daycare a lot, honestly, but it was a convenience thing for us. The daycare closest to us that I liked was 30 minutes away and then we had to walk to the train and then commute another 35 minutes to get to work. So to get to our offices at 8:30, we left our house at 6:30. I left my office at 5:00 but got home at 6:50. Now to get to my office at 8:30 we leave the house at 7:20. I leave the office at 4:45 and get home at 6:00. That was huge for us.
The other pluses in my mind were absolutely the personalized attention of course, and also (and this is huge for me with anxiety and OCD) a LOT LESS ILLNESS. When DS was in daycare it was about 4 months and I think he got sick on average about once every month (cold, ear infection, whatever). In the past year I'd say we average out at once illness every 2-3 months.
If you are concerned about the socialization aspect, our nanny brings her child with her to our house and he and DS are like two peas in a pod. DS can only say like 10 words and one of them is her son's name. A lot of nannies (in my research before I went back to work) do want to bring their own child and a bonus is they will usually work for a lower wage than nannies without children (because it's an added benefit to them that they don't have to pay for childcare for their own child). Some people are very anti-nanny bringing her own kid (she'll neglect yours, etc.) but we have never found this to be the case and honestly I would be hesitant to get a nanny without her own child to bring along just because it has been a huge joy for DS to have a best friend come to play with him every day.
BFP #1 6/28/11 ~ EDD 3/7/12 ~ m/c 7/15/11 at 6w2d
BFP #2 8/29/11 ~ EDD 5/12/12. 4/25/12: Our take home baby is here!
BFP #3 8/27/13 ~ EDD 5/11/14. 4/27/14: Our second take home baby is here!
Daycare vs. Nanny.
Most of my rational was based on situations that happened to my sister and I (7 years difference). When I was 2 my mom had a babysitter for me, who took me to her family gathering and didn't bring me home until midnight. My parents were filing a child abduction report when I was brought back (this was the days before cell phones). With my sister, they had a trusted church member watching her, who ended up abusing her (hand bruises around the rib cage).
Because of this I prefered a daycare center with multiple care takers around. DD has 2 main teachers, but there are others who fill in for lunches. Our daycare has at least 5 cameras in each classroom, everyone is CORI checked and certified and the center is routinely inspected. This accountability made me feel much more comfortable. While I know not every in-home care taker or nanny is a boogie man, I didn't want to risk putting my child in that situation.
She adores her daycare teachers and has started reaching out to them to 'say goodbye'. She smiles and lights up whenever she sees them. So, I know I made the right desision for us.
As far as the little issues... Include a note in the baby's lunch box or diaper bag with volumes of BM or Formula needed per bottle. If the baby is normally BF, the crying while the bottle is being made is inevidable (sp?). The care taker needs to put milk in the bottle and warm it up and most likely wouldn't have a bottle ready to go (which may potentially go bad). Label everything and the teachers will learn his name. Keep the lack of 'activities' in perspective. Looking around for a newborn is far more exciting for them as it is for you. it was the same with DD, but as she got older it was easier for all during playtime. And, she is DEEPLY bonded to her caretaker. They don't always have time to write down that they read or sang to the baby.
Sorry for how long this is, but I hope it helps a tiny bit. Give your daycare a chance, especially if your baby seems content.
Now that baby #2 is on the way, we have talked about maybe switching to a nanny or au pair, but a) I think that will probably still be cost prohibitive (and if we were to go the live-in route, we would lose our only guest room) and b) I think DD would miss her little friends. I would love the flexibility of not having to rush home to pick up.
I guess bottom line is find whatever makes you and LO happiest (and is within your budget).
I guess bottom