For those who ignore tantrums

Re: For those who ignore tantrums

• StokedWifey member

  December 2013 edited December 2013

  Oh, Bryson's was much worse before the video.  I had to hold him through them because we were in public and he was actually thisclose to hurting himself.  He rarely has really bad tantrums, but when he does, I ignore first.  If that doesn't work, I try to distract him then like @andreab7412, explain "We can't do _______ if you are crying."  I try to stick with him if he's really upset because I realize that he's trying to tell me something that I just don't understand.

  
  

  I've even stooped to "Big boys don't cry if they don't get their way.  Big boys cry because _________"  hahahaha  Reasoning TOTALLY works.

  Dating since 3.8.2008. Married since 6.4.2011. Bryson born on 6.28.2012

  
  

   

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• lewispm member

  December 2013

  sarasansh said:

  We ignore in the sense that we try to keep going on with our day as if he isn't melting down (this is in the house only, obviously.) So if it's time to play, I'll stay with him and offer toys or sometimes just sit next to him and play with some of his toys, and sometimes that distracts him and he stops. Other times I've found trying to give him a task will snap him out of it--Robin really loves to feed the cats.

  
  

  It's so hard in the moment, but as much as possible I try to keep in mind that a lot of times, a tantrum is basically a toddler being in a glass case of emotion and not knowing how to get out. So while I don't want to encourage the behavior, I also don't want him to feel alone when he's experiencing these big, uncontrollable emotions (even if the emotions are about wanting to run around the house with a knife.)

  
  
   

  The bolded just made me cry. Just thinking about how upset he was and how I ignored him and then reading this just made me feel such a huge wave of guilt. I know you didn't mean that and I am totally not upset you said that. I'm glad you did actually. I think ignoring his especially horrible tantrums might just not be the best idea in every case.

   

  Thanks ladies. I think I will try to worry less about forming a habit and worry more about helping my child handle these big, confusing emotions. @sarasansh , I think remembering your words will keep me grounded when LO is throwing a fit. Thank you for the reminder
  

  

  

                                                                

   

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• apollonia10 member

  December 2013

  I think they're too little right now to truly ignore their tantrums. DS flips out when he's disappointed, like if I can't read his book 20 times in a row or if he doesn't get to play with my cell phone. So I redirect him and have him play with something else. At this age they're not having tantrums to try and manipulate us; like @sarasansh said, they're feeling big emotions and can't handle them. It's important to show them that it's not the end of the world if they don't get to do what they want to do.

  
  

  In my experience, he'll stop having tantrums over certain things if I redirect a few times. Once he's 2 or 2 and a half, we'll start time outs when he's ready.

  

  
  

  
  

  

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• lkamenko member

  December 2013

  I tried ignoring, but it just does not work for us. She get really mad that I am ignoring her and tantrum turns into epic fit. So I have been comforting her, redirecting, giving her snack, milk, taking her outside. If everything fails - that means she is really tired and just needs to sob and cry for a while. Then I give her 5-10 minutes to just lay on the floor and cry

  

   

   

  

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