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May 2014 Moms
CamrynnsMommy
member
What would you do? (Long/NBR)
CamrynnsMommy
member
My brother and I get a text from my mom yesterday saying that she and my step-dad are breaking up and she's moving in with my grandparents. I call my mom, she's hysterical, she's can't even speak she's so upset, I ask if she wants to come over and talk, she says she can't leave because his car is blocking hers. I volunteer to go get her. She says no, she's going to go in and talk to him. Not even an hour later, she text us again and says "everything is better, I'll call you later." Now she wants to come over for holiday baking with him this weekend. I don't want to really be around either of them, but especially him. I've never felt comfortable around him, but have always been cordial for my mom's sake.
Back story: my mom was a shitty mom, had me young, had my brother eight years later. Left me to care for my brother so she could go out. My junior year my mom meets step-dad at a bar, she also wins a million+ dollars at the casino. SD being the opportunist he is, convinces mom to move in together and buy a house. They both have gambling addictions, but he also has an $800 a month weed habit. They lose house due to this, he wants divorce, bails, then comes back and my mom expects us to act as though nothing happened. They move into apartment, eventually get utilities shut of due to non-payment, mom moves in with me. His grandma dies, he gets huge (200K) inheritance, they move into grandma's house, all is good again in their relationship. They blow all (200K) in less than a year, he gets fired from his job for pissing hot. The money is gone now, neither have jobs, he's blowing all his unemployment on weed.
Now my bro and I get this text.
Would you tell mom that you don't want to be around him? Do you suck it up for your mom's sake? I will still have to see him at our family gatherings, because I refuse to not see my grandparents because he is there.
Back story: my mom was a shitty mom, had me young, had my brother eight years later. Left me to care for my brother so she could go out. My junior year my mom meets step-dad at a bar, she also wins a million+ dollars at the casino. SD being the opportunist he is, convinces mom to move in together and buy a house. They both have gambling addictions, but he also has an $800 a month weed habit. They lose house due to this, he wants divorce, bails, then comes back and my mom expects us to act as though nothing happened. They move into apartment, eventually get utilities shut of due to non-payment, mom moves in with me. His grandma dies, he gets huge (200K) inheritance, they move into grandma's house, all is good again in their relationship. They blow all (200K) in less than a year, he gets fired from his job for pissing hot. The money is gone now, neither have jobs, he's blowing all his unemployment on weed.
Now my bro and I get this text.
Would you tell mom that you don't want to be around him? Do you suck it up for your mom's sake? I will still have to see him at our family gatherings, because I refuse to not see my grandparents because he is there.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: What would you do? (Long/NBR)
Oh man, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. It's so hard when our parents act like they're the children. I've been there before. I've found that in any unhealthy relationship, the more you tell the person that you don't want to be around their significant other and don't support it, the more they run to that person and isolate themselves from you. If it were me, I would probably just suck it up for my mom as hard as that might be. You could certainly share with her your concerns, but not in a way that makes her think you don't support her decisions as an adult.
I've also been on the flip side where I was with someone who was bad for me and my entire family was not shy about sharing how they felt about him..that just made me want to prove them wrong when in the end, they were right. I had to realize it on my own.
Good luck! ((hugs))
BFP#1 - 11/27/09 EDD 8/5/10, DS1 arrived 7/24/10 via emergency c-section.
BFP#2 - 6/18/12 EDD 2/23/13, sweet baby girl born sleeping on 10/4/12 at 19 weeks, 3 days.
BFP #3 - 1/18/13 EDD 10/1/13, natural mc on 2/2/13 at 5 weeks, 4 days.
BFP #4 - 8/29/13 EDD 5/12/14, our sweet rainbow, DS2 born 4/29/14 via c-section
I want to say, it may be about time for her to hear how you feel. Maybe it'll be the push she needs to get away from him and get her shit together. BUT...there's plenty of things I should say to my own mother, and just don't. It's hard!! I understand how difficult that would be.
Hugs!
On the other hand, toxic relationships tend to stay toxic. If that's what this is for you, cutting ties isn't unreasonable.
DD born 2/3/03
BFP 3/21/13 w/ EDD 12/02/13, C/P 3/29/13.
BFP 9/18/13 w/ EDD 5/26/14,
Beta #1 @ 14-16dpo = 375, progesterone 33.6
Beta #2 @ 20-22 dpo = 8,782!
Beta #3 @ 27-29dpo = 44,230, dx subchorionic hemorrhage/ threatened mc
Beta #4 @ 29-31dpo = 72, 080
Grow, little one, grow!
***** All AL Welcome *****
BFP#3 9-4-13 Benjamin Lee born 4-28-14
I guess another thing that really pisses me off is that my kids are getting the shit end of the stick when it comes to grandparents. Between my mom and SD, my alcoholic father, and my H's family who live in FL.
I had kick ass grandparents, I'm pissed my kids don't too.
I've never met my BIL because my sister married her drug buddy. I don't do toxic anymore, not from my mother, not from my sister. I refuse to subject myself or my kid to it. It's been liberating. No more cycles of passive aggressive abandonment, no more ruined holidays.
Unfortunately, people have to want to change. If they don't, there isn't much you can do except decide how you are going to react to it. GL with whatever you decide!
I cried about this the other day. My MIL died a year ago and her grand kids were her universe. I'm jealous that her other grand kids got her for 10+ years and DD only got her for 9 months. Now my FIL is getting remarried and doesn't seem to give a shit about anyone but his new lady. I'm so thankful that I have my parents, though. I still feel like my kids got ripped off, but I try to remind myself that they have no expectations and have plenty of other people who care about them.
BFP#3 9-4-13 Benjamin Lee born 4-28-14
BFP # 1 - 12/19/09 EDD 08/27/10 - D&C 1/26/10 @ 9w5d
BFP # 2 - 06/05/10 EDD 02/17/11, DS1 born on 2/14/11
BFP # 3 - 04/10/13 EDD 12/21/13 - D&C 05/15/13 @ 8w4d
BFP # 4 - 07/27/13 EDD 04/08/14 - CP 07/29/13
BFP # 5 - 09/14/13 EDD 05/28/14, DS2 born on 5/22/14
I cried about this the other day. My MIL died a year ago and her grand kids were her universe. I'm jealous that her other grand kids got her for 10+ years and DD only got her for 9 months. Now my FIL is getting remarried and doesn't seem to give a shit about anyone but his new lady. I'm so thankful that I have my parents, though. I still feel like my kids got ripped off, but I try to remind myself that they have no expectations and have plenty of other people who care about them.
That really sucks. I'm sorry.