Come in, STMs!! I have all sorts of fun questions!

Codypup · December 2013

Alright ladies, I'm coming to you for your motherly advice. TIA from me and probably a lot of other FTMs. :-D

1. What is something you wish you'd known before becoming a FTM?

2. What's your worst Mommy moment, thus far? (aka did you lose your child? Lock him in the car? etc)

3. Which piece of baby gear turned out to be completely useless?

4, Was any baby gear a total life saver?

5. Hot hot do you run a bath for an infant?

6. Is the sleep deprivation REALLY as bad as people say it is? Any survival tips?

and 7...

If you could go back and do it all over again, what would you do differently?

dunvilles · December 2013

Codypup said:

Alright ladies, I'm coming to you for your motherly advice. TIA from me and probably a lot of other FTMs. :-D

1. What is something you wish you'd known before becoming a FTM? I can't think of anything specifically.... I needed to experience it.

2. What's your worst Mommy moment, thus far? (aka did you lose your child? Lock him in the car? etc)I could write a novel... seriously...

3. Which piece of baby gear turned out to be completely useless? For us: wipe warmers, cute little pant outfits prior to 6 months of age, cute shoes before baby could walk, wipe warmer, small burp cloths

4, Was any baby gear a total life saver?Swaddle blankets, electric swing, double electric breast pump, video monitor, rock n play sleeper, footed pajamas, GOOD bottles, good nursing bras/tanks, nice rocker/glider for nursery

5. Hot hot do you run a bath for an infant? don't know actual temp.... we just do warm...

6. Is the sleep deprivation REALLY as bad as people say it is? Any survival tips?Yes, yes it is.... let others help you, rest/nap when you can, go for a walk daily, take a leisurely shower when someone else can watch LO (daily!!!). I went to bed every night at 9pm. DH would rock/care for DS until DH went to bed and then DS would lay in his bassinet by my side of the bed. I got some peaceful/restful sleep knowing that DS was being cared for and I wouldn't be needed for a while.

and 7...

If you could go back and do it all over again, what would you do differently?

dunvilles · December 2013

If I could go back and do things differently.... Oh goodness.... I don't know that I would change anything... all of my experiences with DS have made me into the mommy I am today.

halfthetree · December 2013

1. Ask for help!!! You can do it all, but you will be tired and you will be putting dishes or cooking ahead of cuddling your new baby. They grow WAY too fast for that.

2. I yelled at him for something stupid. I let my frustration go wild and I snapped. I felt so horribly guilty, we cried together and talked about it. But seriously, worst mommy moment.

3. A nursing cover. So stuffy under there, I used it once. Since then, he ate without being in a sauna.

4. My woven wrap or ring sling. I can do so much all while cuddling and nursing the baby. And it keeps annoying baby hogging grandmas from pestering me to hold baby. (I'm a baby hog, they have to deal with it)

5. Warm, but not hot on your elbow. I didn't "bathe" my baby until about 2 months. He got wipe downs until then, really they don't get very "dirty" and it dries out their delicate skin.

6. Pregnancy is worse. You will be fine, it's really not hard to wake up to your own baby. And you can drink coffee in copious amounts, soooo that helps!

7. I wouldn't worry what others thought of my parenting. I did what felt natural, and I will never regret cosleeping or extended Breastfeeding, but I know I will worry less because I know what I'm doing is best for my family. Everyone who judges isn't really worth my energy.
And I would just let the baby sleep in my arms more, rather than put him down to go fold laundry.

cksmith29 · December 2013

1. What is something you wish you'd known before becoming a FTM? - It's not at all what you think it's going to be (but it ends up being so much better)

2. What's your worst Mommy moment, thus far? (aka did you lose your child? Lock him in the car? etc) - I've had 13 years to have bad mommy moments... baby-wise.... DD1 rolled off the couch at 4 months old. She wasn't hurt, but I still cry when I think about it.

3. Which piece of baby gear turned out to be completely useless? - Diaper Genie and wipe warmers. I wasn't a big gadget user. I'm a simple gal.

4, Was any baby gear a total life saver? - Lights and Sounds Aquarium and the dishwasher box you use for nipples and pacifiers (I'm high maintenance right?)

5. Hot hot do you run a bath for an infant? - I did the elbow dip. If it felt too warm on my elbow, it was too warm for them.

6. Is the sleep deprivation REALLY as bad as people say it is? Any survival tips? - Sorry, yes. It can be pretty bad for awhile. Don't be afraid to sleep when baby sleeps. Do what works for you and baby. My oldest would not sleep unless she was in my arms for the first month. I put pillows under my arms and by my sides and kicked back in the recliner while she nursed. Some people are horrified by this, but it meant a few hours of no crying and even a little sleep.

and 7...

If you could go back and do it all over again, what would you do differently - Listen to my mother. She raised four of us quite successfully.

RondackHiker · December 2013

1. What is something you wish you'd known before becoming a FTM?
-That even days you blow it, you're still doing a good job.
2. What's your worst Mommy moment, thus far? (aka did you lose your child? Lock him in the car? etc)
-The day we lost DS in a furniture store. He was at my feet and then... Just gone. In about 15 seconds. It was a horrible five mjnutes.
3. Which piece of baby gear turned out to be completely useless?
Wipes warmer
4, Was any baby gear a total life saver?
Mei tai baby carrier
5. Hot hot do you run a bath for an infant?
Luke warm... Just slightly warm on your inner wrist
6. Is the sleep deprivation REALLY as bad as people say it is? Any survival tips?
Yes. Yes it is. Sleep whenever you can.

and 7...
If you could go back and do it all over again, what would you do differently?
Get treated for PPD earlier.

inluv4life2 · December 2013

Codypup said:
Alright ladies, I'm coming to you for your motherly advice. TIA from me and probably a lot of other FTMs. :-D

1. What is something you wish you'd known before becoming a FTM? How challenging BF would be yet how rewarding to find a path that worked for us.
2. What's your worst Mommy moment, thus far? (aka did you lose your child? Lock him in the car? DD was hanging on my leg and I opened the fridge door and it nailed her in the head. She had a giant goose egg on her forehead for a long time! I swear the day before she was too short and the door cleared her head!! etc)
3. Which piece of baby gear turned out to be completely useless? Shoes before they walk.
4, Was any baby gear a total life saver? Aden and Anais swaddles. DD is 4 and they are still her blankies!
5. Hot hot do you run a bath for an infant? The same temp that felt like no temp (not hot or cold) when I touched it with my wrist.
6. Is the sleep deprivation REALLY as bad as people say it is? No. Any survival tips? Take naps when your kid sleeps. Let the house be dirty!

and 7...
If you could go back and do it all over again, what would you do differently?

inluv4life2 · December 2013

I would cut myself lots of slack and realize that no one is perfect. I'd ask for help more from people when they offered. When someone says "do you need help?" I would say, "yes! Next time you go to the store will you pick up bread" or something else specific they can do to help!

Zimger · December 2013

1. What is something you wish you'd known before becoming a FTM? That I would take more time off work in his first year than I ever could have planned for.

2. What's your worst Mommy moment, thus far? (aka did you lose your child? Lock him in the car? etc) Being frustrated with a toddler in tantrum mode. All he will do is feed off of it and the situation will escalate.

3. Which piece of baby gear turned out to be completely useless? Wipes Warmer, never used it (thank goodness it was free).

4, Was any baby gear a total life saver? Rocking Chair

5. Hot hot do you run a bath for an infant? I test it with the inside of my wrist. I err on the side of it being cooler than warmer. I keep the room warmer when bathing.

6. Is the sleep deprivation REALLY as bad as people say it is? Any survival tips? Some days. Sleep when the baby sleeps if you can (at least at first). Take care of yourself and don't be afraid to ask for help.

and 7...

If you could go back and do it all over again, what would you do differently? Worry less about work. Things came together in the end.

ramfan05 · December 2013

1. What is something you wish you'd known before becoming a FTM?
-That all of the big things I worried about during my pregnancy didn't really matter when DS was actually here. We just took things day by day and did what worked best for us in the moment, and things really did work out fine

2. What's your worst Mommy moment, thus far? (aka did you lose your child? Lock him in the car? etc)
- Once when I was getting things ready for work, I ran out to the garage to put all of our bags in the car while DS was still in the house. I didn't realize that he followed me to the garage door and he locked the door from the inside. I was locked outside with my one year old locked in the house by himself. Luckily I had my cell phone in my pocket, and was able to call my neighbor who had a spare key, but it was still almost 15 minutes that he was in the house without me. It was awful.
3. Which piece of baby gear turned out to be completely useless?
- wipes warmer, bottle warmer
4, Was any baby gear a total life saver?
- electric swing (no batteries to change out!), moby/ergo baby carriers
5. Hot hot do you run a bath for an infant?
- Just lukewarm on the inside of my wrist. I never worried about the bathtub thermometers or those duckies that change colors or anything.
6. Is the sleep deprivation REALLY as bad as people say it is? Any survival tips?
- I know that I was exhausted, and the first few weeks were definitely the worst. I accepted help from those who offered, and food from those who offered, just to lighten the load a little. But really I just did what I had to do to get through those tough weeks, and let go of the little things (keeping the house super clean, cooking every day, keeping up with laundry, etc) and focused on learning and adjusting in my new role.

and 7... If you could go back and do it all over again, what would you do differently?
- Nope. All of the good times, bad times, mistakes, and triumphs have shaped who I am as DS's mommy, and I wouldn't change any of it

MamaAllison · December 2013

I don't mean to be a B, but how does question #2 help anyone? That really rubs me the wrong way and I don't see why it is necessary. People make mistakes, and I don't think they should be reminded of things that make them feel horrid unnecessarily.

halfthetree · December 2013

MamaAllison said:
I don't mean to be a B, but how does question #2 help anyone? That really rubs me the wrong way and I don't see why it is necessary. People make mistakes, and I don't think they should be reminded of things that make them feel horrid unnecessarily.

I think it's great to demystify motherhood. We are not all perfect and have made mistakes or accidents, I found it extremely helpful to hear these stories when I was a new mom. Takes the some of the insane pressure to be perfect away.

MamaAllison · December 2013

Stephanie185 said:

MamaAllison said:
I don't mean to be a B, but how does question #2 help anyone? That really rubs me the wrong way and I don't see why it is necessary. People make mistakes, and I don't think they should be reminded of things that make them feel horrid unnecessarily.
I think it's great to demystify motherhood. We are not all perfect and have made mistakes or accidents, I found it extremely helpful to hear these stories when I was a new mom. Takes the some of the insane pressure to be perfect away.

Ok, but when people are saying they are crying every time they think of it (@cksmith29) is it worth it to make them feel bad to make you feel better? I think the only way it would is if you are saying to yourself, oh at least I've never done that!

BB0214 · December 2013

MamaAllison said:

Stephanie185 said:

MamaAllison said:
I don't mean to be a B, but how does question #2 help anyone? That really rubs me the wrong way and I don't see why it is necessary. People make mistakes, and I don't think they should be reminded of things that make them feel horrid unnecessarily.
I think it's great to demystify motherhood. We are not all perfect and have made mistakes or accidents, I found it extremely helpful to hear these stories when I was a new mom. Takes the some of the insane pressure to be perfect away.
Ok, but when people are saying they are crying every time they think of it (@cksmith29) is it worth it to make them feel bad to make you feel better? I think the only way it would is if you are saying to yourself, oh at least I've never done that!

I guess I look at it differently. I don't think the question is meant to make anyone feel bad. Maybe a way to look at it is that even the best moms make mistakes and it's bound to happen. And when it does, don't beat yourself up!

Jecca07 · December 2013

1. What is something you wish you'd known before becoming a FTM?
It's all going to be okay. Moments pass. Also, drs aren't always right.
2. What's your worst Mommy moment, thus far? (aka did you lose your child? Lock him in the car? etc)
Probably a time she's fallen and gotten cut or scratched up. Not something I can control, but still makes me feel bad for her.
3. Which piece of baby gear turned out to be completely useless?
Sling. She preferred upright carriers.
4, Was any baby gear a total life saver?
Nipple shield, pacifier, car seat cover, swaddle blankets, fan and humidifier!
5. How hot do you run a bath for an infant?
I stick my elbow in and if it's warm it's good. If it's hot on my elbow, it's too hot for baby.
6. Is the sleep deprivation REALLY as bad as people say it is? Any survival tips?
It was pretty brutal in the first couple months for me. I'm not a very pleasant person when sleep deprived. But she was consistently sleeping 13 hours at 6 months, so it turned out well.
7. If you could go back and do it all over again, what would you do differently?
Maybe put her directly on formula when she weaned herself at 6 months. Other than that, nothing. She's amazing.

calimama2007 · December 2013

1. What is something you wish you'd known before becoming a FTM? I don't think I can answer this question, bc you really just have to experience everything for yourself. Although, maybe I wish I would have known that DD would never be an "average" sleeper on the infant chart. Getting her to sleep was impossible.

2. What's your worst Mommy moment, thus far? Just dealing with every day stress, I strive to have more patience.

3. Which piece of baby gear turned out to be completely useless? bottle warmer.

4, Was any baby gear a total life saver? ERGO, the best.

5. Hot hot do you run a bath for an infant? IDK, I do it by feel now, haha.

6. Is the sleep deprivation REALLY as bad as people say it is? Any survival tips? I have been surviving on very little sleep for years now, and I'm still living

Accept that you won't sleep and it makes life much easier!

and 7...

If you could go back and do it all over again, what would you do differently?

I would absolutely not have tried CIO w DD1. It did not work at all, and I really regret it. I would also have co-slept as long as possible, and taken everything else less seriously, other than spending time as much time with her as possible. She's turning 6 next week, and I think back to how I viewed it as somewhat of a burden when she was 12 mos and I was trying to study for law school.

notreal2 · December 2013

I run the bath and used one of those little hot cold duckies. Now, at 18 months, his dirty look tells me if the temp is not to his liking (our hot water heater is set at 120 and I let the bath "cool" for at least 10 minutes after running it beyond that.

As far as what would I change? I wouldn't go on Reglan after birth no matter HOW low my milk supply is, I was one of those people who was severly affected by it and suffered worse PPA and PPD because of it.

micaelasmakeup · December 2013

Codypup said:
Alright ladies, I'm coming to you for your motherly advice. TIA from me and probably a lot of other FTMs. :-D

1. What is something you wish you'd known before becoming a FTM?
To never let DH know I thought he was doing something the "incorrect" way with DD. I made him feel useless and worthless, and could have saved myself a lot of work if I would have just let him figure it out on his own.

2. What's your worst Mommy moment, thus far? (aka did you lose your child? Lock him in the car? etc)

I think a fee other STMs have missed it, but just a couple times I've flipped Sh!t on DD, and of course it's because I'm frustrated with something else or in a bad mood, nothing that she did that was so bad. You will most likely will to, but it's ok. I try to remind myself that I was deathly afraid of my mother and that it sure kept me out of trouble in high school;)

3. Which piece of baby gear turned out to be completely useless?

A stroller net? That thing is still chillin in its box.

4, Was any baby gear a total life saver?

Sling, bouncer, swing....anything to get hands free.

5. Hot hot do you run a bath for an infant?

Hand washing warm, the first time it's too hot you will know their little skin gets red!

6. Is the sleep deprivation REALLY as bad as people say it is? Any survival tips?
Yes, and no. It's horrible but you adjust and it doesn't last that long. Nap when they nap even though your house will be a disaster and there will be dishes in the sink. Sometimes when DH got home from work I would hand him baby and go to sleep, I could get 2 hours of sleep wake up eat a late dinner and then feel rested for the night.

and 7...
If you could go back and do it all over again, what would you do differently?

I would ask the doc to take a blood test right after DD was born not 6weeks later at my check up. I did not feel like myself and my Bs and iron were so low that doc was surprised I wasn't on the hospital, I also had PPD and I just kept waiting blaming my bad feelings and anxiety on being a new mom. I shouldn't have waited so long.

jdubh · December 2013

1. What is something you wish you'd known before becoming a FTM?

--Listen to everyone who tells you it goes by way too fast, but take all the other advice with a grain of salt. Do what works for YOU and baby!

2. What's your worst Mommy moment, thus far? (aka did you lose your child? Lock him in the car? etc)

--I haven't had either of those happen {YET} but my temper is by far my biggest fault. I hate how I let my frustrations get the best of me.

3. Which piece of baby gear turned out to be completely useless?

--the changer on the pack and play...I thought it was a must and I can honestly say we never even used it once.

4, Was any baby gear a total life saver?

--this frog pillow mat thing...my daughter still loves her "Fred the Frog" We used it for tummy time, nap time, and she loves to play with it. Now when she doesn't feel good she drags it in front of the TV to lay on. This is the ONLY toy that she has flat out refused to share with anyone.

https://www.ebay.com/itm/Bestever-Frog-Baby-Mat-Cuddle-Rug-Cushion-/170546265203

5. Hot hot do you run a bath for an infant?

--make sure it's warm on your wrist.

6. Is the sleep deprivation REALLY as bad as people say it is? Any survival tips?

--YES, YES, YES...Don't over do it. If you need help ask for it. Try to nap when the baby does, I never listened to that tidbit but at even if you aren't napping, at least lay down to rest!

and 7...

If you could go back and do it all over again, what would you do differently?

--I wish I would have stuck with nursing...I'm doing it this time!!!!

--Rock your baby, snuggle your baby, smell their head all the time, don't stress about the schedule that everyone pushes so much...REALLY do what works for YOU! You know your baby better than anyone else!!

cksmith29 · December 2013

BB0214 said:

I don't mean to be a B, but how does question #2 help anyone? That really rubs me the wrong way and I don't see why it is necessary. People make mistakes, and I don't think they should be reminded of things that make them feel horrid unnecessarily.
I think it's great to demystify motherhood. We are not all perfect and have made mistakes or accidents, I found it extremely helpful to hear these stories when I was a new mom. Takes the some of the insane pressure to be perfect away.
Ok, but when people are saying they are crying every time they think of it (@cksmith29) is it worth it to make them feel bad to make you feel better? I think the only way it would is if you are saying to yourself, oh at least I've never done that!
I guess I look at it differently. I don't think the question is meant to make anyone feel bad. Maybe a way to look at it is that even the best moms make mistakes and it's bound to happen. And when it does, don't beat yourself up!

Yeah, I can see where that may look like I blubber and make my kids feel bad. Buuuuuuut, no. That's not at all what I meant. I certainly do not do that (I'm not a big cryer anyway). There are certain instances that stick out and continue to break my heart a little bit every time I think about them. Especially instances that have been my own stupidity, like walking to the other side of the room leaving my baby on the couch alone. DUMB!!! So, yes, when I think about some of those moments, tears certainly threaten to come and occasionally do. Moms tend to beat themselves up over and over when it comes to mistakes.

slwprincess · December 2013

1. What is something you wish you'd known before becoming a FTM?
Everything is a phase. Don't get so caught up in trying to understand what the hell is going on b/c by the time you do, your kid will have moved on!
2. What's your worst Mommy moment, thus far? (aka did you lose your child? Lock him in the car? etc)
Not taking care of myself first. When my second was born, things got crazy. It was all totally out of my control- my oldest got very sick, I was recovering from a c/s, transitions, etc. But instead of just letting go and rolling with the punches, I let my anxiety ruin those first few months of DDs life for me. Survival mode is normal with a newborn, but I was just so damn stressed and shouldn't have been. I wished I had talked to my doctor about my anxiety and gotten some meds. If I start feeling like that this time, I will definitely speak up. This will always haunt me b/c I remember very little of her first weeks and that kills me.
3. Which piece of baby gear turned out to be completely useless?
Diaper pail, I guess. We had the diaper champ, and it had its good features but honestly, just tying up the dirty diapers in a grocery bag and tossing them in the regular kitchen garbage that goes out each day was good enough.
4, Was any baby gear a total life saver?
Not really baby gear, but my go to shower gift is the Happiest Baby on the Block DVD and a swaddle blanket. Our lives would have been so much harder without those 2 things.

With 2 kids, suck it up and get a side by side double stroller- I love my City Mini Double even though I swore I'd never have anything that huge. It really has been awesome.

Oh and DD wasn't really colicky but she needed to be held a lot. The moby wrap was perfect for her.

5. Hot hot do you run a bath for an infant?
OK, so I don't use an infant tub... I lay a full size towel folded in half on the kitchen counter next to the sink and give baby a sponge bath right there. When they get a little bigger, I put the towel into the big tub and run about an inch of warm water and lay the baby in it. They love it. Temperature is a little cooler than I would run for myself... but I like it HOT.
6. Is the sleep deprivation REALLY as bad as people say it is? Any survival tips?
No, I don't think so. My best advice is to install a dimmer switch on the nursery light (or your room if cosleeping) so that you don't have to fully wake up the baby for nighttime feedings and changings. When baby wakes up, DH handles the diaper change and re-swaddles and hands the baby to me. I nurse and put the baby back in the bassinet and we all go back to sleep. Whole process takes 20 min max.
and 7...
If you could go back and do it all over again, what would you do differently?
Don't stress so much about milestones with my first. I over thought and over analyzed everything and drove myself nuts comparing his development to other kids at daycare, etc. Now that he's almost 6 and DD is 3, I can really see how unique each child is and how even though one may be behind in 1 area, they are lightyears ahead in another. So worrying is pointless.

potbellypig · December 2013

Codypup said:

Alright ladies, I'm coming to you for your motherly advice. TIA from me and probably a lot of other FTMs. :-D

1. What is something you wish you'd known before becoming a FTM? E.A.S.Y. and the importance of routine. Also - babies who are overtired don't nap.

2. What's your worst Mommy moment, thus far? (aka did you lose your child? Lock him in the car? etc) Critisizing DH's parenting in front of DD.

3. Which piece of baby gear turned out to be completely useless? DD didn't spent much time in her Jumparoo and didn't like the Exersaucer enough to make it worth while.

4, Was any baby gear a total life saver? My ergo carrier was great because DD loved it and it allowed me to do stuff around the house whil holding her. It was also great for shopping because the bucket seat takes up the whole cart.

5. Hot hot do you run a bath for an infant? Not sure specifically...warm, not hot.

6. Is the sleep deprivation REALLY as bad as people say it is? Yes. You do get used to it though and eventually it becomes normal and you can function despite it. The first few months were brutal though. Any survival tips? Coffee, sleep when the baby sleeps. Nothing you haven't heard before!

and 7...

If you could go back and do it all over again, what would you do differently? I would put baby on a routine/loose schedule earlier on.

Codypup · December 2013

@mamallison - chill out, dude. The question about "what's your worst mommy moment" was not intended to make people relive their worst nightmares, or anything else that ridiculously dramatic.

As @stephanie185 and cksmith29 presumed, the question was intended to show that no one is perfect, that every single mother has a bad day where nothing went right, and that we FTM's can expect to have incidents or days where we feel like bad mothers -- and to help us prepare for the fact that we will NOT do this perfectly, nor should we expect to.

OutOfStep81 · December 2013

1. What is something you wish you'd known before becoming a FTM?

It doesn't matter what suzie down the street did with her infant/toddler/etc. What works for me and my child will be totally different and that's OKAY. I don't need to stress that it's different. I need to relax and ENJOY THE RIDE as I figure it out.

2. What's your worst Mommy moment, thus far? (aka did you lose your child? Lock him in the car? etc)

Probably the time when DS was about 6 months old that I realized (halfway home mind you) that is forgotten to STRAP HIM INTO THE CAR SEAT! He was back there sitting quietly but I felt like the worst mom for not having strapped him in... Then I remembered the time my entire family left my younger brother at a gas station on a family trip up north AND the time my aunt forgot my cousin on the mcdonalds playground... Didn't feel so bad an realized shit happens and to just roll with it (albeit with a little more attention to those straps!).

3. Which piece of baby gear turned out to be completely useless?

The bottle warmer. I nursed/pumped and froze. It was way easier to dip the BM bag into a bowl of warm-hot tap water than to figure out the damn warmer. Never used it for jarred food either.

4, Was any baby gear a total life saver?

Yes, swing and bouncy seat! DS had reflux so he lived in them for naps and bedtime for about 5 months.

Also (pertaining to the next question) the duck with the 'hot' sensor on the bottom for baths. Loved it!

5. Hot hot do you run a bath for an infant?

Between lukewarm and warm. Get the duck!

6. Is the sleep deprivation REALLY as bad as people say it is? Any survival tips?

I ain't gonna lie, it sucks. Nap when baby naps- it really does help.

When you reach 5 hrs of uninterrupted sleep at night you start to feel human again

an yes, I'm being serious.

and 7...
If you could go back and do it all over again, what would you do differently?

Not a damn thing. Mistakes are learning experiences. Triumphs are as well.

Let the dishes go, rock and snuggle your LO. Ignore the laundry and enjoy their first smiles. Time is precious and fleeting. Every day brings a new stage and accomplishment, revel in each and every one of them.

Don't worry about looks you might get from other people, make the silly the silly faces through the grocery store to keep LO laughing.

Go with your gut, always.

mamatobe2012 · December 2013

1. What is something you wish you'd known before becoming a FTM? To follow your gut cause no matter how many books you read nothing is better than following your gut!

2. What's your worst Mommy moment, thus far? (aka did you lose your child? Lock him in the car? etc) Probably not asking for help when I needed it. DH ended up sleeping in the guest room and I was all by myself the first few weeks. One night DS was crying and nothing was helping instead of asking DH for help I felt all alone and started crying and saying, "what do you want from me???" It was really a low point and I hate that I felt that way towards my son. I should have just asked for help!

3. Which piece of baby gear turned out to be completely useless? DS didn't like the swing or infant bouncy seat. He also didn't care about "baby toys" until recently and I bought a ton, Hugga bebe, expensive, fancy diaper bag I picked out off Amazon

4, Was any baby gear a total life saver? Loved his jumperoo, baby k'tan seriously was a game changer when I started using it, glider/rocker which we still use, miracle blanket, sleep and play footsie outfits (zippers not buttons), My breast friend (the boppy was useless with breastfeeding for me), undercover mama, stroller to lose baby weight and DS loved beign outside on walks, I'm sure there is more.

5. Hot hot do you run a bath for an infant? warm but not as hot as I like, you learn quick what temp your baby likes.

6. Is the sleep deprivation REALLY as bad as people say it is? Any survival tips? It's bad but I never missed a shower or putting on my make up and getting dressed for the day. It's such a haze. I didn't dwell on it, I just reminded myself that this is just a phase and we'll make it through. He slept next to my bed so BFing was easy in the begining. He moved to his room at 3 months and I usually only had to go in his room to feed him once or twice a night. OH, and I definitely followed the advice of taking a nap whenever he took a nap (and I still do that to this day on the weekends!).

and 7...

If you could go back and do it all over again, what would you do differently?

nebraska84 · December 2013

Codypup said:

Alright ladies, I'm coming to you for your motherly advice. TIA from me and probably a lot of other FTMs. :-D

1. What is something you wish you'd known before becoming a FTM? To be easier on myself...some days are better then others, but we are doing the best we can
2. What's your worst Mommy moment, thus far? (aka did you lose your child? Lock him in the car? etc)haven't lost him yet but i did pinch his little baby finger in the carseat latch and felt horrible
3. Which piece of baby gear turned out to be completely useless? baby swing, never used it once
4, Was any baby gear a total life saver? rock n play sleeper
5. Hot hot do you run a bath for an infant? i made the mistake of making to to warm temp the first time and he screamed the entire bath. I make it a warm, something i wouldn't mind getting in
6. Is the sleep deprivation REALLY as bad as people say it is? Any survival tips?you are tired!! but the complete deprivation doesn't last that long, maybe the first 6 to 8 weeks and then it gets better

and 7...
If you could go back and do it all over again, what would you do differently?have him move into his crib and out of our room sooner and maybe more naps in the crib

MrsL32 · December 2013

1. What is something you wish you'd known before becoming a FTM?

This is going to sound weird...but knowing that my baby still loves me even if he's inconsolably crying. I just remember this one night early on, when he was just crying, and crying and crying...and all I could think of in that moment, was, 'how come all the other babies I've known stop crying when they're passed to their moms?? Does he hate me?? I was sleep deprived and thinking irrationally. Plus, I'd never had any long term experience with a newborn. They will cry!!! And it's OK!!!

2. What's your worst Mommy moment, thus far? (aka did you lose your child? Lock him in the car? etc)

The first few times he bumped his head. I thought I was the worst mom in the world. Now that he's a toddler...I've learned it's going to happen!!

3. Which piece of baby gear turned out to be completely useless?

Shoes for very tiny babies (who can't crawl/walk), baby bathrobe, all the 'extra's' on the pack and play.

4, Was any baby gear a total life saver?

Double electric pump, rock n' play sleeper, a white noise machine.

5. Hot hot do you run a bath for an infant?

Warm. We had a rubber ducky with a temperature indicator.

6. Is the sleep deprivation REALLY as bad as people say it is? Any survival tips?

It's pretty bad at first, and I'm saying that after having a really great sleeper. But...I did get used to it after a while, and was able to function without too many issues!!!

and 7...

If you could go back and do it all over again, what would you do differently?

Hmm...I don't know...I think just relax a little more and understand that everything is a phase...things will get easier and you WILL fall into a routine that works! Just be patient!

ras26 · December 2013

1. What is something you wish you'd known before becoming a FTM? It's all a learning process, and every kid is different, so just take it one day at a time.

2. What's your worst Mommy moment, thus far? (aka did you lose your child? Lock him in the car? etc) I was carrying DD down the wooden stairs with socks on and I slipped and while I didn't drop her, I landed on her leg that was behind me (she was on my hip) and broke it. No more socks on the stairs.

3. Which piece of baby gear turned out to be completely useless? We never used our diaper pail. We just put them in the kitchen trash (it has a lid). I also never used the changing pad on her dresser, we just did it on a mat on the floor or on the bed. (Her bedroom is on a different floor than ours, or the main level).

4, Was any baby gear a total life saver? Swaddle sacks.

5. Hot hot do you run a bath for an infant? DH and I had a huge fight about this in the very early weeks. I may have screamed at him that it was too hot. Now we have a cute little octopus that makes it very clear.

6. Is the sleep deprivation REALLY as bad as people say it is? Any survival tips? For me, yes. DD nursed every two hours overnight and wouldn't sleep during the day without being held, by me. I was so afraid to to sleep holding her that I was a sleep-deprived mess. She didn't truly sleep through the night until somewhere around a year (it's all a blur) and I went back to work at 12 weeks, so I still don't feel like I've "caught up!" Advice is do what you have to do. One time she cried for almost 3 hours while DH tried everything he could, but I needed to sleep so. badly. We all lived through it.

and 7...

If you could go back and do it all over again, what would you do differently? I think I would have tried a wrap of some sort in the first couple of months when she would only let me hold her. At least I would have been able to leave the couch. Other than that, she's actually turned out pretty awesome, and we've all learned along the way.

melgrady · December 2013

1. What is something you wish you'd known before becoming a FTM? You will get a ton of advice and judgment from other parents and some non-parents, but do what works best for your family. I never realized that a few of my family members thought breastfeeding beyond three months was gross, but I was determined to feed her that way as long as I could (we almost made one year).

2. What's your worst Mommy moment, thus far? (aka did you lose your child? Lock him in the car? etc) Losing my temper on DD when she was really testing my patience, but this happened in the toddler years.

3. Which piece of baby gear turned out to be completely useless? The swaddlers. She did not like being swaddled.

4, Was any baby gear a total life saver? The swing really helped us during a few awful nights.

5. Hot hot do you run a bath for an infant? We tried using the temp that was indicated on her rubber ducky and she hated it, so we always make her water a little warmer. I use my inner wrist to test the temp.

6. Is the sleep deprivation REALLY as bad as people say it is? Any survival tips? It isn't as bad as what I was expecting, but you do feel like a zombie for the first few weeks and during growth spurts. It probably helped that I was on maternity leave for four months and DD was only getting up once a night by the time I returned to work. I never needed to nap with the baby during the day like I was told by some women.

and 7...

If you could go back and do it all over again, what would you do differently? I should have accepted more of the help that was offered to me the first few weeks, but I thought I could do everything myself while recovering from a c/s.

halfthetree · December 2013

@DisneyPeanut
I'm so sorry you had to go through a febrile seizure, they are absolutely terrifying. I do want to mention though, that current research is showing that even if you medicate at the first sign of a fever, it won't affect whether or not the seizure occurs. So don't think you did anything that caused that, or that you could have prevented it, no mommy guilt!!

DC2011 · December 2013

Thank you, OP for posting this! : D And thank you STMs and TTMs for the responses!! It helps to relieve some anxiety and lower my own expectations and standards for myself as a FTM.

Thank you, Ladies!

RedSoxGirl10 · December 2013

I agree- this thread has been great!

I still don't know how awesome I will be at napping when the baby does and accepting help. But it certainly helps to hear over and over how important it is! I'm actually nervous about having visitors because I feel like it will cut into the time that I can sleep during the day, but I guess I just have to get over my guilt and sleep when they are over ha ha.

iverske9 · December 2013

1. What is something you wish you'd known before becoming a FTM?

HOw bad my boobs will look after breastfeeding, LOL. Don't get me wrong they look amazing during and I am going to do it again but man do they look like flat pancakes, LOL

2. What's your worst Mommy moment, thus far? (aka did you lose your child? Lock him in the car? etc)

I like an idiot, used the heavy stocking stands that only sit on the mantle and hold stockings, and last year my son pulled one down and smashed his forehead. Blood everywhere. Poor thing was ok but man all that blood freaked me out.

3. Which piece of baby gear turned out to be completely useless?

My Medela Bottles. My son wouldn't drink from them. I had to try like 3 different bottles till we found one he liked (He liked Born Free)

4, Was any baby gear a total life saver?

Rock n Play, and my Medela Double pump.

5. Hot hot do you run a bath for an infant?

Just warm when they are really little, then a little hotter as he got older

6. Is the sleep deprivation REALLY as bad as people say it is? Any survival tips?

It is shocking how much you will be able to function with little to no sleep. Let people help you, don't worry about stupid shit like folding laundry and sleep when LO sleeps. Most important remember it all will pass.

and 7...

If you could go back and do it all over again, what would you do differently?

I actually wouldn't change anything as of now. Ask me when he is a teenager, LOL

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