Please don't flame me - I'm scared and stressed

amd1982 · December 2013

I think I'm pregnant. And although I'd normally be over the moon, I have a set of twins who are about to be one and DH and I have already discussed not talking about a possible number 3 until they were at least 2. i know it takes two to tango, but to DH's credit he has been really scared about me not being on birth control. i wasn't on it for selfish reasons - my weight has been the lowest its ever been since i was 18 years old and deep down i guess i always thought i'd have a difficult time getting pregnant on #3.

i am so absolutely scared. i don't know what to do. i don't even feel like i can tell him because he'll literally have a nervous breakdown. please please don't flame me...i really need the help of this board right now. i'm so sorry to dump this on you guys but i feel like i can't tell anyone right now.

TJ1979 · December 2013

POAS. No need to stress till you know for sure. If it's + it'll be fine, you'll figure it out. But don't get too upset until you're sure.

Ruthie04 · December 2013

I agree. You need to POAS before truly panicking. No lie, I'd be terrified as well. Three under two would be super hard. If I'd had a singleton, i think we'd be skipping the BC, but DH won't come 10 feet near me without a condom now. Twins change our outlook on many situations. But, if the test is positive, wouldn't be the first to do it and you could do it. Hard doesn't mean impossible.

Let us know when you get the results. Hugs- either way!

amd1982 · December 2013

I did. I took a dollar store cheapie today thinking I was dumb for getting one. I'm only 2 days late. I'm having a panic attack right now. I would be fine but honestly my dh is going to be so upset. I don't know how I'm even going to bring this up.

itsmevkb · December 2013

As someone who had three children, ages 5, 3 and not even 1 when I found out I was pregnant with our fourth despite using condoms to avoid exactly such a thing happening, I get it.

First, definitely take a test because otherwise you're stressing yourself out over nothing.

Second, if it turns out you are, tell your husband. This is something you two will need to work out together, and, he may just surprise you. I was scared to death when I saw that second line come up and almost in tears when I told my husband. I assumed he would not be overjoyed and I couldn't have been more wrong. I'm not going to lie, a few days later when the reality of the situation really set in he started getting stressed out about it, but his initial reaction was one of happiness.

And again, if you are pregnant, give yourself time to let the news settle in. It's a lot of feelings to process. It's a weird place to be in to go from wanting a baby so badly and wondering if you'll ever have one and being jealous of other people's surprise pregnancies to having one yourself and not being overjoyed because it may not have come at the most opportune time in your life. It's totally cliche to say it works out, but it does. You find a way and in the end it works out. Maren is a joy to us and like all babies, it hasn't all been easy, but we wouldn't change anything.

TJ1979 · December 2013

amd1982 said:
I did. I took a dollar store cheapie today thinking I was dumb for getting one. I'm only 2 days late. I'm having a panic attack right now. I would be fine but honestly my dh is going to be so upset. I don't know how I'm even going to bring this up.

I'm confused. Did you take the test? Was it +?

mdiblasi10 · December 2013

TJ1979 said:

I did. I took a dollar store cheapie today thinking I was dumb for getting one. I'm only 2 days late. I'm having a panic attack right now. I would be fine but honestly my dh is going to be so upset. I don't know how I'm even going to bring this up.
I'm confused. Did you take the test? Was it +?

I am going to assume it's positive since you said you are having a panic attack. If it was, I think you just need to sit down and be honest with your husband. You guys will figure it out, I am sure of it. Good luck with everything and keep us posted.

Mr. & Mrs. Woodtick · December 2013

I agree with the PPs, you need to tell your husband. This is a lot for you to be carrying around and have on yourself. He might not be excited initially, but he will come around and you guys can figure it out together. ((HUGS))

kmc84 · December 2013

((Big hugs)) I am sure this is insane for you right now. Take deep breaths and one hour at a time. I know it's not what you want right now, but it will be ok. Please let us know how it goes

kbeach82 · December 2013

((Big Hugs)) No flames here. I'm sure I would feel the same way if I were in your situation. I agree that you need to tell your DH. You are in this together and you deserve his support.

FWIW, there were many days before the birth of the twins when I couldn't fathom how I was going to take care of 2 newborns and a toddler (DS1 turned 2 the week before S and B were born). Since they joined our family 7 months ago, there have been many days when I feel like I can't possibly handle any more stress. But I do. We get through the day, and at the end of it, I usually get some snuggles and some smiles that make it all worth it.

Yes, this situation is incredibly stressful and obviously unexpected for you, but you will get through it mama. I promise.

mnj05 · December 2013

I'm sorry you're stressed. I'm kind of on the flip side of this (although no chance I'm pregnant right now). DH is all about trying on our own right now (really he just wants more sex but that's an entirely different issue). I don't want to get pregnant just yet, for me personally, it's just too soon. We're planning on another year before going back to the RE so I'd freak a little too but in the end it would all work out.

Just breathe, and I hope you start to feel better about the situation.

JBDamonM · December 2013

Echoing PPs - you need to tell your husband. Try not to panic - you guys will figure it all out.

LeoLauren · December 2013

Don't freak out... This is a blessing and you'll have 9 months to process this!

TJ1979 · December 2013

Ok, sorry. I was confused and wasn't sure if you were sure. I know this is a scary time. But you will figure it out. And we are here to listen and provide advice when we can. GL, and please let us know how YH takes it.

Dragonfly1226 · December 2013

No flames here. I have six month old twins. Taking care of twins is hard! I think you need to give yourself time to get used to the idea. It is still new and scary. Let it sink in. Your twins will be 8 months older when 3.0 arrives. There is a ton of growth between 12 and 20 months. Try not to picture what life would e like now with a third because your twins will be able to do so much more.

queenbone · December 2013

There is never a perfect time to have a baby. There can almost always be something else you feel like you ought to get done first or more time between children.

I have a feeling that the anticipation of having to break this news to your H will be worse than actually doing it. I hope you two are able to find a lot of support in each other.

Also, congratulations.

PennyLane26 · December 2013

It looks like everyone has great advice!

I have to be honest (no flaming, I promise!) but even with my LO on my lap this post was still hard to swallow. While I can't at all empathize with this "problem" I do wish you the best. Siblings are a blessing. As others have expressed, you'll figure it out.

imoverit · December 2013

Do how did it go telling YH? Hope it all worked out. Congrats on your LO.

laura1 · December 2013

I totally get it. If we got pg with #4, we would be freaking out too. I agree that you should just tell your DH - he will have to get used to the idea, too. I have a friend who had 15 month old twins when her 3rd was born. They all look so cute together - almost like triplets now (they are 3.5 and 2). She had a hard time with them all, but has gotten through it, and I am sure you will too. Another woman that I work with had just turned 2yo twins when her 3rd was born, and she was fine. Have you checked out the 2u2 board? There are a few women on there with 3u2 (twins + another) and they may have some insight for you too.

No matter what, I am betting that you will find that having only one baby after having twins first is far easier!

Good luck!

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