Wishing I could stay home

AustinLover · December 2013

I had always dreamed of taking a few years off from my career to raise a family. This year I was laid off and then started my own business, which I could've scaled back when baby came, but shortly after was offered a full-time, well-paying gig that I could not turn down.

So now I feel stuck with an income that would be impossible for my husband to make up if I ever wanted to stop.

Feeling like I shot myself in the foot by accepting the position and wish more than anything I had the freedom to stay home with my sweet baby

Anyone in a similar position? Advice?

Cara1024 · December 2013

I'm not in the same position, but I can imagine it is a difficult one. Have you talked to you hubby about how you feel? Maybe something will come along part-time that can offer you a compromise... less income (but better than none) and more time home with baby.

notthecheat · December 2013

I would love to be a SAHM but we could not live off of DH's salary, let alone raise children on it. If anything, DH would stay home since I make more than him.

Is there any way you can look into starting your own business now if that's what you really want?

csandroo · December 2013

If it is truly what you want then it is more important than the higher income (as long as you can live off DH salary).. You just have to decide if you want to stay home more than you want certain lifestyle extras like vacations, do your nails at home instead of the spa, public school not private etc. Just naming possible things where cut backs can be made and it's not better or worse to stay home but I hope if you really want to - and you guys can make it work, even if things will be tight- that you will do it at least for a little while!! Whatever you choose just trust you are doing what's best for baby and family .

ChuggingWater · December 2013

I wish I could, but there is no possible way that we could love comfortably off one salary, with the 'luxuries' we like.

I'm a much better mom when I am not working.

bethughknee · December 2013

I have days where I don't know what it will be like to drop off my Lo at daycare and I wonder if I will regret not waiting until H and I were in a place where maybe I could stay home. But we have PLANS. We want a lake house and want to travel and we live in a pretty expensive area already and let's be honest...mama like designer handbags. I think like @ChuggingWater I will be a better mom as a working mom. I get resentful too easily so I think I will be better at missing my kids during the day than I would be at being home all day and possibly regretting a decision to stop working.

Hang in there and see where you are in a few months. You can ALWAYS change your mind and make things work. I have friends who never ever ever ever ever thought they'd want to or be able to stay home and low and behold, when they knew it was right for them they just DID IT.

ChuggingWater · December 2013

@bethughknee

Two things: 1. I said I'm better when not working but....

2. Momma likes booze, traveling, and remodeling so SAH isn't an option.

bethughknee · December 2013

ChuggingWater said:

@bethughknee Two things: 1. I said I'm better when not working but.... 2. Momma likes booze, traveling, and remodeling so SAH isn't an option.

Have I mentioned I have not yet learned how to read?

ChuggingWater · December 2013

bethughknee said:

ChuggingWater said:

@bethughknee

Two things: 1. I said I'm better when not working but....

2. Momma likes booze, traveling, and remodeling so SAH isn't an option.

Have I mentioned I have not yet learned how to read?

It's okay. You're pretty.

AustinLover · December 2013

Yall are funny. It does make me feel a lot better to hear that some of you prefer to work. I've always been career focused, but have no idea how I'll feel once baby girl arrives. I hate that I make so much more than my husband b/c now I feel like I'm responsible for everything--breadwinning, house cleaning, cooking & now raising children. It's an overwhelming thought.

I've told DH how I feel, but it just upsets him b/c he feels terrible that I can't stay home and like less of a man for not being the breadwinner. Sticky situation. All I can hope is that we'll work together with the new roles and somehow make it work (hopefully with little regret as possible). And maybe one day our situation will change..

bethughknee · December 2013

AustinLover said:

Yall are funny. It does make me feel a lot better to hear that some of you prefer to work. I've always been career focused, but have no idea how I'll feel once baby girl arrives. I hate that I make so much more than my husband b/c now I feel like I'm responsible for everything--breadwinning, house cleaning, cooking & now raising children. It's an overwhelming thought.

I've told DH how I feel, but it just upsets him b/c he feels terrible that I can't stay home and like less of a man for not being the breadwinner. Sticky situation. All I can hope is that we'll work together with the new roles and somehow make it work (hopefully with little regret as possible). And maybe one day our situation will change..

Re: the parts I bolded

I totally get that I could feel differently once she's here. I really do wonder some days if I will change my tune. My mom was happy to work full-time and since I'm so much like her I assume I will be happier that way too but then EMOTION and all that stuff gets cloudy and who really even knows!

Re: my H. I know that if I told him I really wanted to stay home, he'd be supportive and we'd find a way to make it work (well...if I got pregnant again right away or something and we were going to have to pay for 2U2 in daycare...he prbly wouldn't be as understanding with just one baby.) He is SO focused on our retirement and college savings plans and staying on track. And he is our main breadwinner! He makes more than twice what I make. It's nice that your H wishes he could make the situation different for you. I hope that it does change if what you find is that you really want to SAH down the line.

LadyJ2949 · December 2013

I'm in the opposite situation. I'm currently working but DH and I decided I will be a SAHM once she's born. We recently moved to a new area and have no family around to help us so it just seemed like only one of us working would be the best for now. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy about this opportunity but I'm also very nervous. Financially we should be ok but it will certainly mean less traveling, eating out, shopping, etc. But I think it will be harder than DH thinks. The idea of being on a stricter budget freaks me out. I'm also worried I may get resentful of DH and the fact that he is pursuing his career and I'm not, that I'll miss having that stimulation and excitement of my job and regular adult interaction (for others this isn't a problem; for someone like me who doesn't know many people in my area, it's a concern.)

My plan is to be a SAHM and then I can always reconsider if it's not working (whether it be financially, emotionally, etc.) Perhaps you can do the same? Work for a while and if it truly isn't making you happy, then step back and see if you can cut back on your hours or try to make being a SAHM work for your family. I feel that it's hard to really know what it will be like either way until you're actually doing it.

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