a lot in one post

Anjibaby84 · December 2013

Hello Ladies,
Okay to start off I guess I should give my story of my loss. I am officially 3 weeks post loss today. I've gone through many phases of grief. I was exactly 10 weeks and found out right away I was pregnant. Everythings foggy so I'm hoping I have dates right but at 8 weeks I had slight bleeding, that led to heavy bleeding , my Dr. sent me into the hospital for a sonagram and I was told I had a hemorrage on my placenta (was originally told something different , but then was told this the next day) I had my rogahm shot and prepared for the worse because of continueing bleeding. The bleeding stopped, went in for my next sonogram a week later and was told everything was perfect, the babys heartbeat was great and the dr was confident it was a bump in the road and everything wpuld be smooth sailing. About a week later my husband and I went in for our normal appt the Dr again was saying how great the last test was, went to do our normal heartbeat check and there was none. I went from one high to an ultimate low. Had the D & C The next day , i bled for about 3 days heavy and then since then its been non stop spotting every day. I am so devestated. I dont want my husband to even look at me, i feel as if i failed. I try every day to snap out of this fog that im in but really its moment to moment. At a moments time i feel like ok i can do this, i can become normal again and than bam i cant. Im so sorry if i am sounding so blah and so heartless with my story but i am so numb at this point. I was supposed to go back to work yesterday and i couldnt, i went through the motions of getting ready and just broke down.
I work very weird hours, I would one week 80+ hrs and the next off , 5:30pm -5:30am 7 days straight. People keep telling me , if I get back to my normal routine I'll feel better, I just honestly not go through with it. I'm thinking of taking a leave of absence but I feel like so many women gonthrough this, why is it so hard for me to.
Also background is this is my third loss, my first two were over 7 years ago and honestly in my life I wasn't ready, my husband and I were trying this time and I just have this over whelming fear that no mattwe what I do I can't control what's going to happen. Also during the time of my hemorrage my brother was killed in a very horrific , very public with media accident (we weren't very close and haven't seen each other in about 10 years) but with all the stress I'm just feeling defeated.
I know this was a long post and indont know what I'm looking for I just feel like I had to get it down in whole. Im typically a very private person and although moatly everyone in my life knows bits ansd pieces going on in my life, I just need to piece it together at once. Thanks ladies for listening!

Anjibaby84 · December 2013

Also part of my defeate feeling is I became a vegan a few years ago due to cancer (no chemo or radiation needed due to it being caught aoon enough) I feel like I do everything in my life to make sure healthy but I can't do this one thing right.

KMW08 · December 2013

Just offering some hugs. (((Hugs)))

I'm sorry for your losses. Even though you said you really weren't ready with your first losses, they're still a loss & it's perfectly normal to feel how you're feeling.

Do what you need to do for you. If taking time off will help, then do that. It's most important to take care of yourself at this time.

DreamChaser246 · December 2013

I'm very sorry for your loss.

Do what you need to do in order to heal. If you need to take time off do that, each experience is different and you need to do what you need to do.

PinkRoses · December 2013

I'm so very sorry for all you are going through. I can't imagine the heartbreak and stress of going through a pregnancy loss and the loss of a family member at the same time. That is a lot to process - give yourself permission to do so. Take the time for yourself. Sending you lots of hugs.

RayRay007 · December 2013

I'm sorry for your loss. Please don't feel like you've failed or that it's your fault, and don't fault yourself for grieving however you need to grieve. If you need time off work, take it. I'm sorry about your brother as well.