MIL is pushing for me to be induced early...

mommasteele · November 2013

So my FIL is currently overseas as a pilot. He somehow managed to get approval through the military to come home the last week of November and to stay through the first week of December. My due date is Dec 15th. My MIL has been hinting around that she would love for my FIL to be able to meet his granddaughter before deploying back overseas. Well..today, she finally came out and told me that I needed to ask my Dr about inducing me a few days before I'm 39 weeks so FIL will be here. Of course I told her that as much as I would love for FIL to be here (And that's the God honest truth), that I'm not comfortable with that. Babies need to bake as long as they can and even though it would be another 6 months or more before FIL would get to meet her, I still feel like it's a selfish reason to be induced and to risk complications.

Now, MIL is upset with me and not wanting to see me because "It breaks her heart to know that her husband won't get to meet his first granddaughter until she's almost 1". Am I really being that selfish? My H completely supports my decision and understands why I don't want to be induced. I just feel like the biggest piece of crap for telling her no. I'm sticking to my guns and I won't get the induction ( My Dr won't even induce until 39 weeks unless there are medical reasons anyways) so I'm not worried about caving. What is some advice that you ladies can give me...if any? I get that it's just a week but baby will come when she is ready.

CDMay2006 · November 2013

You ate not being selfish. At all. My advice is for your husband to talk to her (at least in our relationship or respective parents are or own responsibility when they get crazy).

wintersong · November 2013

I agree with CDMay2006--my DH and I also divide and conquer when it comes to parents. Plus, maybe if he talks to his dad when his dad gets home, it might help to rein in the nonsense. When stuff like this happens to us, its usually the MIL or GrandMIL who are really the ones who want the change--not the people they are advocating for!

aylafsu88 · November 2013

You are making the right choice. Inducing for the purpose of FIL meeting LO is just silly and your MIL should not be making you feel guilty for wanting to avoid an induction. Inductions often lead to a cascade of interventions and complications which is something most moms want to avoid. Stick to your guns and have your H talk with his mom about the situation. Maybe you can suggest Skyping with FIL once LO arrives? This way he gets to see the baby and hear the baby while he is away.

mb314 · November 2013

Do not feel guilty at all. Your primary responsibility is to allow your body to care for you little one in the healthiest way possible. I would tell your MIL that your doctor won't induce unless there is a medical reason that the baby needs to come out early (and I hope your doctor would say that). Blame it on the doctor so that she doesn't blame you.

rooftop · November 2013

You could go into all the reasoning and risks with her but honestly I think that would just get messy. I agree with the advice to simply tell her the doctor won't do it, which I hope would be true. If it's not an option she can't get mad at you for not choosing it.

MississippiCatfish · November 2013

Baby comes first. Period. Grandma and Grandpa are adults and should absolutely, without hesitation put your LO's safety first. I think that is so rude. I'm so sorry.

ETA I think when you talk to her, you should mention all of the increased risks for you if you are induced, too! It's not a harmless action.

HerbanMom · November 2013

Oh no way... she's being selfish, certainly not you. I'm sorry that MIL is putting that kind of pressure on you! Babies come when babies come and not in respect to what is most convenient for everyone else.

Good for you for sticking up for yourself and letting her know you aren't comfortable with inducing for non-medical reasons.

Yogakitten · November 2013

How awful, I can't believe she is suggesting that. Set aside the fact that it's not good for baby, it's also not good for your health. The idea that you should put yourself at increased risk for csection and a variety of interventions -- you are a human being and not just some vessel for producing her grandchild. So she's basically asking you to put yourself and the baby at risk so that she can feel happy. I hope you husband comes down hard on her for this -- I know mine would. you should not even have to speak with her about this again, and you arent being selfish at all.

stever · November 2013

Your MIL is way, way out of line.

mommasteele · November 2013

Thanks ladies! You all make me feel loads better.

Thankfully, no...my Dr won't even consider inducing me until I'm at least 39 weeks and she won't even do that unless there are issues that need to be taken care of. The only people I know of that she has induced early were induced due to pre-e or other life threatening medical problems.

H is pretty upset with her. H told her that she could support my decision or just be grumpy. Either way, she's not getting her way. I even got to talk to my FIL and he completely understands why I said no. Which also made me feel lots better. As much as I would love for him to be here...unless LO decides to come then on her own, it's just not whats best for either of us. I had to be medically induced at 41+1 with my son. I was high risk and the Dr didn't want me to go too far over. I was thankful I was given that week. An induction is not the route I want to take this pregnancy. I want a natural labor.

Anyways, thanks again ladies. I'm so glad that I found this board.

FunSizeGrl · November 2013

I can't help but scoff at her suggestion! I have friends who have given birth with husbands deployed and they wouldn't do it. Babies need their time in there and every day is important. That was very selfish of her and don't feel bad at all!! I'd like to chalk it up to her being emotional and not thinking straight... Hope she sees the light and understands you are making the best decision!!

avalei · November 2013

She's being selfish. It was FIL's decision to be in the military, and seems like waiting til your granddaughter is a year old to meet her is worlds better than risking complications for mom or baby just so he can see her for a day or two before he deploys.

Sawyerplus1 · November 2013

That is insanity. You are not being selfish. Be firm in your answer and try to avoid it coming up again. If you need to,talk to your midwife or Dr and maybe get a note or invite her to an appt so they can tell her themselves why this is an ill-informed and bad idea.

halfthetree · November 2013

Oh that would be the end of my relationship with my MIL I think, I can't even imagine. I'm glad your DH and FIL understand and aren't into the same crazy juice she is.

Nancy1250 · November 2013

Wow.

pdilly2b · November 2013

Agreeing with PP that it's pretty horrible for her to ask.

If she's all about guilt tripping, I would turn the tables and say something like "Geez, if I made the baby come out early and s/he ended up in the NICU because of it, I'd never be able to forgive myself". Or something to that effect. Two can play at that game.

erin_asay · November 2013

Most hospitals will not induce before 39 weeks (unless medically necessary). And elective inductions increase your risk for a cesarean section. Baby will come when he/she is ready...

Ardmhs83 · November 2013

You are not being selfish at all! Your MIL is being selfish! Send some helpful articles to her letting her know your reasons for not inducing. She may think you're being a smartass, but maybe she really doesn't know how inducing for the wrong reasons could be bad.

It amazes me how many people try to control YOUR pregnancy and delivery. Ugh!

randi.wolf · November 2013

It's YOUR baby and YOUR body! I can't believe she would even suggest that! Unless you know 100% when you conceived, your due date could be wrong. My first came at 42+1 and I wouldn't let them induce me. I'm glad I didn't because the after birth evaluation showed that she was probably really only 39 weeks. Your baby will come when it is ready! You're a good mama!

MrsBigTime · November 2013

It sounds like you handled her absolutely insane request with grace and poise - good for you!

However, I agree, girlfriend is out of line to even think of asking you to induce! You can tell her you'll do everything possible (acupuncture, tea, EPO, walking, pumping, etc.), but you will let your body decide when it's ready to birth that baby.

If you deliver early and FIL gets to meet the baby in person, that will be wonderful, if not, then Skype and FaceTime are going to have to do, and that is wonderful too!

NorthernGal248 · November 2013

I am so glad your husband is sticking up for you!

If I were in your shoes I would probably try nipple stimulation in order to see if it gets the labor going (if the baby is not ready it wont work). However, follow your gut. This is your baby and you need to be completly comfortable with your decision!

Good luck

shiway · November 2013

Probably going to day what everyone else has said. But your MiL needs to get over it. Never in a million years would inducing for that reason be worth the risk. You are talking about significantly increasing your chances of c section which is a huge risk. Babies are usually not ready to be born at 38-39 weeks. The average length first time moms go over is 9 days. So we are talking about some 2-3 weeks early In your case. That could mean lungs are not ready and then tht could mean nicu. Big mess! You are not selfish in anyway. She is being selfish in even asking, but now being mad for your choice? Absurd!!!

mommasteele · November 2013

Thanks ladies. Thankfully she has backed off completely. This is baby #3 for us. We have a 18 month old son and a angel baby boy who would have been 3 this year. I had to be induced with our 18 month old at 41+1. I fought to go to 42 weeks but my OB wouldn't let me go that far since I was considered high risk.

I'm thinking that baby #3 will come early due to things that are happening but I won't do anything to help that along. She comes when she's ready to come!

BShreeve · December 2013

Total bullshit. Good for you for sticking to your guns.

L0L0 · December 2013

My FIL got sick and died during my third trimester with DD, and of course I would have wanted him to meet her. But an early birth is not the ideal outcome, and it would have been all for his benefit at the expense of a tiny baby. God willing your baby and FIL will have a long and beautiful relationship, and it's not going to hurt either of them for it not to start when she is a newborn. Your MIL sounds like a pain. I'm sure she will move on to trying to control your parenting decisions in other ways, so it's good to shut her down now and prioritize the real baby over the 60 year old baby.

laurakaz13 · December 2013

Your MIL is insane!

wintersong · December 2013

Let us know when your lovely baby arrives

MIL is pushing for me to be induced early...

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