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Any other birthmothers here?

DrhonorDrhonor member
in Adoption
My birth daughter will be 14 in May and this is the first child I've had since her.

I am having a hard time transitioning from the birthmother mindset to being a mother mindset and have had ongoing depression and 2 very bad panic attacks yesterday and today. My dr put me on lexapro and gave me 6 doses of Xanax to calm my down, but how are you coping with this pregnancy? I keep on jokingly offering my baby to people and then am like "sh@t!! I shouldn't have said that!" Counselors in my area aren't accepting new patients until January. Any advice is greatly appreciated.
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Re: Any other birthmothers here?

  • maryoosamaryoosa member
    Hi @Drhonor, I'm not a birth mother- but there are many on this board. Did you work with an agency when you placed your daughter? If you did, I'd contact them- they should be able to provide you with support at least until someone local can add you to their client list. I'm so sorry you are struggling.
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  • CarolinaGirl2014CarolinaGirl2014 member
    edited December 2013
    I am an expectant mom, so I can't speak to what you're going through but I know several women on here have had babies they parented after and before placing... @elreid @jaxxm @momof2buggs

    I think most agencies have counselors that can help until you get in with someone regular. Birthmombuds.com has a forum and while there is a lot of negativity (mostly women who are struggling atm are active on there) there is also some great advice for birth moms.
    Good luck! There are some sweet birth moms on here that have been a huge help for me.
    Birthmom to A, 1/8- the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

    A Journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. -Lao-Tzu

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  • DrhonorDrhonor member
    Thank you! So far I'm coming up empty with the agency. I've never heard of birthmombuds, will check it out!
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  • DrhonorDrhonor member
    The other problem is I had a private adoption so Bethany is hesitant to help :-/.
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  • MrsMuenichMrsMuenich member
    What specific to the mindset are you struggling with? I placed DS#1 in 2006; had DS#2 in 2011, and am PG with LO#3 at present. My pregnancy with #2 was difficult for me because it refreshed the grief of letting go of #1, but every BM is different - some deal with fears, some with insecurities or self-doubt, etc.

    Really tho, BMs are amazing. What we've done for our kiddos is selfless and heroic and special, and there really are women who cannot (even though they should). We met our kids' needs, and that's the most important thing about parenting. That you made the decision to place DD speaks much of you, no matter what your life was like or other decisions you made during your first pregnancy. We stand with you. :)
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  • DrhonorDrhonor member
    This pregnancy is definitely making me relive the grief but also bringing up lots of guilt issues that somehow she's going to think that I love LO on the way more than her which is why I'm keeping this baby but gave her away. I super scared as well to change from leaving the hospital and the emotions that came with that being empty handed, but had the milk and the bleeding to prove I had dome something but nothing to show for it. Logically I know the situations are going to end differently, but somehow i'm afraid that I won't be able to bond because I'll be waiting for someone to make me sign some papers for dd2 to reliquinsh rights or something. Completely irrational since I'll have my husband with me, but I'm trying to transition through and it's harder than I thought. I know I will miss feeling her in my tummy moving but I get to hold her instead! I feel like a lot of the grief and loss I dealt over the past 14-15 years is rearing it's ugly head in these drag out panic attacks. I know I did right by DD1, just didn't think all these pregnant hormones would throw me into such a loop for the birth of DD2!
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  • momof2buggsmomof2buggs member
    I'm a bmom. I placed my son in 2010. I strongly recommend counseling. It sounds like you may not have moved through the grief process, and that could seriously hamper your ability to parent. I know it's hard to get through it! But you can. Healing/closure is partly a conscious choice and partly a natural process, in my experience/opinion. Sometimes it takes a little while, but you can move forward to a place that isn't as painful. *Hugs*
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