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Intro, new & question

happygirl1013happygirl1013 member
in Third-Party Reproduction
Hi ladies, I've been active on the IF board for a while, but we may possibly (after a second TESE surgery in March), be using donor sperm.  On the day of ER, we're going to thaw vials from the 1st TESE to try to find sperm, and if that doesn't work, do a second and final, day of ER TESE surgery, and if that doesn't work donor sperm will fertilize my eggs on the day off (we'll get the vials in advance).  We are beginning to talk through what that will feel like to use donor sperm, who we'd tell this information, and how we'd handle all of this.

My DH and I are mentally working through having to make all of these decisions in a short period of time, based on what happens the day of ER.  My question to you ladies:  how did you begin to mentally accept that you were going to use donor sperm (or egg)?  How did you get to a point of acceptance?  Do you have any tips for a newbie?  I am to the point where I don't care who's genetics our baby's is-- it will be my DH's in my mind and I know he'd love the baby.  

Thanks in advance for all your insights and help.  

IVF #1 Oct 2013- cancelled 
IVF #2 Mar 2014- success.... baby girl born 11/28/14
FET #1 Mar 2016- baby boy due 12/16/16


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Re: Intro, new & question

  • ladyrader0227ladyrader0227 member

    Well - my situtation is different as we used Donor egg - so I am carrying the child but he/she has my husbands DNA.  It was a rough process to get here .... determining that my egg quantity & quality were not enough was painful.  I felt like less of a woman.  With some time - I realized that it isn't the DNA that make the parent but the raising of the child is important. And I really wanted to be a parent!  Everyone has to go through the mourning process of their "lost" biological child in their own way. 

    I wish you and DH lots of luck with your upcoming procedure!  Welcome to the board.

    Me:37 (DOR), DH: 40 (Normal) TTC #1 since Fall 2010
    2010-2012 - 7 rounds of Clomid, 4 IUI & 2 IVF - all BFN (2 chemical pregnancies)
    April 2013 fresh DEgg - 15R, 4F, 2 transferred = BFN.  
    FET - 11/13
    Beta #1 11/23 = 247; Beta #2 11/25 = 538; Beta #3 11/29 = 5481 BFP!!!!!
    U/s #1 12/7 & U/s #2 12/16 = One perfect little heart beat!! 
    EDD = 8/1/14

    Hope is the thing with feathers - that perches in the soul - and sings the tune without the words - and never stops - at all - (Emily Dickinson)

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  • melkel559melkel559 member
    Hi there!
    I know you and I have chatted about this already, just wanted to pop in and say hello and say that I'm happy that you guys have come up with a plan! Don't you have eggs frozen from the first cycle or are you going through another fresh cycle? Just curious. I really hope you guys find sperm in the vials or during the 2nd TESE. If not though the DS backup is a great idea and you should get a good fert report. You know I just had my son from a DS IUI and he is proof to me that genetics really play such a small part in a couple's love for their child. I think DH has already taken over 100 pics and videos of Justin. We are totally in love! I will be stalking you for updates, GL with everything!!
    TTC since June 2011
    DX: DH (30) severe MFI, severely low count & low motility
    Me (32): all clear
    Appt with Urologist 5/21/12: exam, ultrasound, bloodwork all normal.
    Testicular Biopsy with TESE on 6/8/12. good sperm found! (left side only) froze sperm, failed thaw test :(
    Orientation for IVF/ICSI on 6/13/12. Waiting for the green light following biopsy results...results show adequate sperm production both sides.
    2nd SA 6/18/12: sample is "adequate for ICSI"
    Plan: IVF/ICSI July 2012!
    ER: 7/26/12. 15 eggs retrieved, all mature.
    TESE/TESA/aspiration from epididymis, no motile sperm found :(
    froze all eggs, the saga of praying for good sperm continues.
    8/3/12: 2nd opinion from MFI uro on biopsy slides. Suspects "partial late maturation arrest."
    Plan: more SAs, third biopsy/TESE with frozen back-up either from DH or DS.
    SA 8/17/12: Zero sperm
    SA 8/23/12: Zero sperm
    9/26/12: SPERM FOUND! 15 eggs thawed, 12 survived and were ICSI'd, only 3 fertilized normally. Refrozen as embies and will thaw in Nov. Please survive and grow!
    All 3 survived the thaw on 11/15/12!
    FET 11/17/12: transferred 2, one 4B, one 4C. Beta 11/30:BFFN
    moving on to DS
    DIUI#1 2/18/13,50mg Clomid cd 3-7, Ovidrel trigger, Beta 3/4/13: BFN.
    DIUI#2 3/19/13, 50 mg Clomid cd 3-7, Ovidrel trigger, Beta #1 (14dpiui) 4/2/13: BFP!!!! 150. Beta #2 4/4/13: 420 Beta #3 4/8/13: 2691. Beta #4 4/15/13: 15,086
    1st u/s 4/8/13 shows one gestational sac
    2nd u/s 4/15/13 shows yolk sac, fetal pole and early heartbeat
    3rd u/s 4/25/13: measuring right on track. Heart rate 148 bpm
    A/S 7/22/13: IT'S A BOY!!
    PAIF/SAIF Always Welcome
    [IMG]http://i49.tinypic.com/2qmon5u.jpg[/IMG] [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd243/laurakat24/turkeybaster-1.jpg"[/IMG]Image and video hosting by TinyPic
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  • happygirl1013happygirl1013 member
    ladyrader0227- thanks for your insights and it's really nice to meet you.  I think we are in that semi-mourning stage, because we have to be prepared that it might not be a possibility.  I think I'm more okay with it than my DH, but I want to be sure we're both on the same page.

    @melkel559- I can't tell you how happy I was when I saw your birth announcement yesterday.  You're right, it's more about the parenting than genetics.  It's going to a long road to March (dr wants to do a fresh cycle so there is no room for error), but the support of ladies here will make it easier.


    IVF #1 Oct 2013- cancelled 
    IVF #2 Mar 2014- success.... baby girl born 11/28/14
    FET #1 Mar 2016- baby boy due 12/16/16


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  • Km672Km672 member
    Welcome!

    We tried everything to try to use at least one of our genetics, but it just wasn't possible.

    After several failures, we made the decision that we were going to have an open mind and do everything we could do to have a baby.

    We also had to go to 1 counseling session, was mandatory through our clinic. It was actually insightful to hear my husband talk with the counselor about his side of things. I would recommend going to a session together if at all possible.

    We plan on going back to get guidance on how to deal with some of the emotional and social issues that may come up in the future.

    We just got our positive test last weekend and are very cautiously optimistic that this time we might have our baby. We are so grateful and the genetics don't matter at all to us.
    This is our baby.

    Best of luck. I think the position you are in is very difficult. The not anticipation and not knowing is very stressful. I hope for nothing but the best for your cycle.

    Me (32) DOR, elevated NK Cells/ 2 copies of MTHFR mutation/ MH (35) azoo/high DFI   (TTC#1 since 2009)

    IVFs#1-4: (4/10-2/12) all BFN

    Surprise Bfp (9/11) - c/p

    DS IUI#1-2 (9/12, 10/12) - BFN

    DS IVF: (11/12) - BFN

    DE/DS IVF#1: (10/13) - 2 day 3 embies transferred-BFFN

    FET of 2 day 6 blasts: (12/13) - c/p

    DE/DS IVF #2: (4/14) - 1 day 5 blast transferred...BFFN...again.

    FET 5/14: 1 day 5 hatching blast transferred...another BFFN

    Repeat SHG 6/14-normal / Endometrial Receptivity Array biopsy 7/14-Receptive Uterus

    New RE, additional testing reveals elevated NK Cells

    FET of 1 day 5 blast (RE recommends transferring 1 due to elevated NK cells) with lovenox, steroids & intralipids in October

     

     

     

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  • hopeby2015hopeby2015 member
    Just wanted to say welcome! I am new here too but have done a cycle with DE. For me, I was diagnosed as POF since I was 17 so I dont have any specific advice except to say that there's a mourning period (and sounds like you are already at that stage). I am a bit surprised to hear that the Dr will do this so quickly. Idk about donor sperm but when we did DE, we had to see a psychiatrist once to clear us. Maybe its different for DS?

    Anyway, I wish you the best of luck!!

    *May Siggy Challenge - Parenting Fails*

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
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