worried about DH - vent

Hail123 · December 2013

Sorry if this is a long one. I'm all worked up!

My DH was given a promotion about 6 months ago. Should be good news, right? I'm super proud of him and I know he could do well in his new position, but he's so overwhelmed and refuses to delegate responsibilities or ask for any help. At this point, I'm pretty sure he'd be diagnosed with depression (if he actually went to the doctor), and I'm worried about his health. He drinks more than he ever used to, he doesn't sleep well, has no appetite and just seems really angry all the time. When he comes home from work, it's like a storm cloud descends on the house. Even our dogs avoid him because his energy is so negative.

I'm so worried. I can't convince him to get help. I'm mostly worried about bringing our first child into this environment.

DH's father died fairly young because of liver failure (he was not a drinker, it was more related to stress). I'm so scared that DH is going to work himself into an early grave and I'll be left to raise our kids on my own.

He keeps telling me that, once the baby comes, if the stress is too much for him he'll just quit his job. But I don't believe him. He's not a quitter. And if he did quit, I think he would resent me for needing him to.

Thanks for listening to my rant. I just feel so helpless right now.

abrazz · December 2013

I'm sorry you are going through this. It sounds like this job isn't healthy. Hopefully the people at work will notice and help him with delegation skills so he can relax a little.

futuremrsgorski · December 2013

I'm sorry you are in that environment. Being pregnant, you don't need to take on any stress and worrying about your DH in this way sounds stressful. Did everything start in the last six months with the new promotion or was he showing signs of depression before and they just got worse recently?

Artistmom30 · December 2013

That's a tough one. It's hard sometimes to get our hubby's to admit they need help. I think it's bc men are wired to be "strong". They feel they should be the ones to handle it all for their families, which simply isn't so. Sorry that your family it going through such a stressful time right now. Keep on encouraging and supporting him. Hopefully he'll come around and realize he needs to take care of himself for himself, you and your child.

hupp0013 · December 2013

I'm sorry you guys are dealing with this. I hope he comes around and get whatever forms of help he needs at work and outside work.

DeannaGL · December 2013

My DH felt a lot of pressure to be a great provider with our first. That may be part of what is going on with him. He may feel like he needs to be a rock star at work so that he can give you and the baby everything you guys need. They worry about different things during pregnancy than we do, so maybe it would help him to hear that you know everything will be okay regardless of whether this job works out. So sorry to hear about the rough time. Hopefully pulling through it together will bring you even closer.

tourqeyes · December 2013

I'm sorry you are going through this. Maybe him (or you both) going to talk to a professional will help him see what is going on and how you are concerned about his well being.