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Worried about making the right decision...

ilovemycaratsilovemycarats member
in Working Moms
Hi,

I am 19 weeks today. I work for a city which requires residency as long as I am employed. I have been in the position for over a year and like my job & boss plus I am a manager so it is really great experience. When I decided to accept the job, my husband and I rented out our house and moved into an apartment in the city to see if I liked the job before committing to buying any real estate. Last year before accepting the job the housing market was much better and much more affordable than it is now. We don't like the apartment we are in now because it is noisy and really want a back yard
Two months ago my husband lost his job so it is not like I can just quit mine after the baby is due.
In terms of finding another job, I would most likely have to take a major pay cut (20K) and would have to work longer hours. Plus, it took me so long to finally find a position like I do actually like.
We are looking at houses that are at the top of the range for us and even those houses are tiny (just over 1000square feet).
How do I know if I am making the right decision staying with my job and raising my kid in the city? Part of me just wants to quit and move back to suburbia as soon as my husband finds a job but I know realistically that isn't feasible since he makes significantly less than I do.
I am hoping that I can stay in this position for 10 years, be vested in the pension system and then move back to suburbia but by then would my kid already be messed up by city life? The schools in the city are terrible and we can't afford private school.
I am so worried about this kid hating me or worse the kid turning out terrible because of growing up in the city.
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Re: Worried about making the right decision...

  • mommatotwo2mommatotwo2 member
    Are you certain that you have to live in the "city" part of the city, or can you live on the outskirts of town, as long as it's still within a certain postal code? 

    I personally think there are huge benefits to growing up in/near a city. The cultural benefits are generally massive. Cities offer access to museums, theatre, zoo's/aquariums, etc. Have you checked into all of the school options in your area? Are there charter schools available? A lot of times, charters tend to build near areas that do not have a great school public school system in place. Also, is there school of choice available in any nearby cities that have better school systems?

    If it were me, I would definitely not buy a home until you are sure you can live with the area. Maybe look into renting a home with a yard?

    There is A LOT to be said for being happy at a job. So many people (myself included) are not happy at their job. Frosting on the cake- you make good money. If it were me, I'd try to stick it out. When I think back to my own childhood, I have very few memories before the age of 10. I have the memories- but they're just of things we did, like going to the library, the zoo, the beach, vacations, etc. All of that, you can do while raising a kid in the city.
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  • Nechie122Nechie122 member
    I grew up in NYC and actually feel bad raising my DD in suburbia. I LOVED, loved, loved growing up in the city. I keep joking/telling DH that we need to move back to the city or we'll "ruin" DD. So I guess it works both ways!

    Re: schools, most cities have a magnet program that your child can apply to even if the zoned schools are terrible.

    But more than that, you're about five or six years from even having to worry about it. A lot can happen in that time. You may get a chance to relocate yet. I would hold off on making a decision for at least a few more years -- you may find that your city has more amenities for families than you realize or you may hate it but will have built more experience to draw upon to find a new position elsewhere.
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  • FemShepFemShep member
    Since your husband just lost his job and you are about to be visibly pregnant, relocating to another job may be more difficult than you realize; many women find a job search while pregnant challenging, you may not get the same maternity leave benefits you would at your current job, and trying to establish yourself at a new workplace while adjusting to a newborn can be extremely stressful. I'd stick it out at the current job for at least another year. See how things go, keep an eye out for the ideal apartment or house. Try not to stress about schools yet, especially since so much can happen, and think of the city and its parks as your backyard.
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  • glawglaw member
    I agree with PPs. Also remember a small baby does not need a lot of space. Plenty of families do it with one bedroom. What u lack in outdoor yard space can probably be made up by parks and playgrounds. If you like your job as much as it sounds, then continue to rent and reevaluate in a few years when your child is bigger and/or you have a second. For now city and apartment living should be fine and school is at least 5 years away. Good luck.
    BFP#1 10/17/11, m/c due to SCH 11/21/11 @ 8w4d; BFP#2 2/26/12, baby girl arrived 11/1/12; BFP#3 12/3/13, EDD: 8/18/14.

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  • emberlee3emberlee3 member
    We live in a city, and I would not move to surburbia for anything.  My children enjoy city life.  We have some good options for public schools, although that may require moving within our city.  A lot of the families I know move to the 'burbs, but DH and I love the city.  But really it's whatever works for your family.
    DS born 8/8/09 and DD born 6/12/12.
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  • daisy662daisy662 member
    You are 5-6 years away from needing to worry about schools. Your DH isn't working. You are in no position nor is there a need to make this decision now.
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  • NicoleWINicoleWI member
    daisy662 said:
    You are 5-6 years away from needing to worry about schools. Your DH isn't working. You are in no position nor is there a need to make this decision now.
    Yes, this. Don't buy now. Too much is uncertain! I would keep renting, either at your current place or a different place, for a bit longer. See what your DH ends up finding and how you feel in 6 months to a year. 
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  • APendolaAPendola member
    I think that now is not the time to make that decision.  Until your DH finds a job, I don't think buying a home or leaving your job would be a good option.  After he gets settled in a new job, then you can talk about these things.  In the meantime, why not stay in your apartment until after the baby arrives?  You don't need a lot of space for a newborn and it's better if you can stay somewhere inexpensive for now and try to save money.

    Also, if you don't like your apartment - would you consider renting a house?  Maybe you can't afford to buy something you like right now but maybe you could rent.  That way you aren't making a long term commitment.

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