Sleeping issues (long)

KimS17 · December 2013

DD is just over 4 weeks and I feel like we are going about the sleeping situation the wrong way. Here is a typical day...
She wakes up around 7ish, I change her diaper and feed her (we are breastfeeding) she will stay awake for a little while then take a "morning nap." This nap could last 30 minutes or 3 hours. If somebody is holding her it will last 3 hours, if I put her down she will only sleep a short time.
When she wakes up she eats again and is awake for a few hours and might take short little naps here and there.
Around 4 she usually takes another nap. By this time DH is home and wants to hold her, so she usually sleeps longer, could be 3-4 hours. By the time she wakes up its 7-8 pm. She eats again and sometimes will cluster feed until 1-2 am when I can finally get her to sleep. Again, if somebody holds her, she will sleep all night, if not, she's up crying every 20-30 minutes and it takes forever to get her to calm down and back to sleep.
Is this normal or is there some way I can slowly adjust her schedule so she goes to bed for the night earlier?
Also, we have tried so many different things to get her to sleep without somebody holding her, but nothing works. I hate for her to be awake screaming because then she's not getting the rest she needs. I usually end up on the couch (it can recline) with her sleeping on my chest and she's just as happy as can be.
Is this normal? Should I just keep holding her so she sleeps and wait for her to "grow out if it?" Or am I going to screw her up by doing this?

taraleanne · December 2013

She's 4 weeks old. All of this is NORMAL! (and yes, I just yelled that)

You aren't going to screw anything up and yes she will grow and change quickly. Just relax and follow your baby's cues. She'll go to bed earlier eventually, don't worry. Honestly, you just need to roll with the punches for a while, remember this won't last forever and it will, I promise it WILL just sort itself out, you honestly don't need to DO anything. (besides make sure she knows daytime from nighttime, have a "this is nighttime now" or a bedtime routine and make sure your baby does not get overtired - wake times are short) Feed on demand, struggle through growth spurts and remember this too shall pass. Look up Wonder Weeks. She'll get a schedule eventually. She's just lived in your belly for 9months so no wonder she wants to be held all of the time. It will all work out! You can't spoil her and you're not doing anything wrong. You can't even create bad habits at this age. Honestly, please don't waste your time worrying about things like this cause it just doesn't last long enough. Be with your baby, love her, bond with her and just enjoy it. One day you will miss this time!

normandyn7 · December 2013

DS is 3 months and sleeps 6-9 hours at night. Honestly, he kind of just figured it out himself. He had his days and nights messed up so bad and the only way I could get him to sleep at night was to have him next to me. We bed-shared for a couple weeks. He started to like sleeping on his boppy during naps so I would let him sleep on his boppy at night next to me in bed. I started swaddling him and he would sleep on his boppy that way. About a month ago I put his boppy in his cradle and he slept like that for a few weeks and now he has been sleeping in his cradle with no boppy for about 2 weeks. Like I said he just kind of figured it out himself. Remember the first couple months are pure suvivial so do what you have to do! Good luck!

KimS17 · December 2013

Thank you for the responses! I thought we were doing ok, but at her one month check up yesterday the doctor asked about her sleeping. I explained DD's little schedule and tendencies and maybe it was the way the doctor worded it but she made it sound like something was wrong. Almost sounded like she wanted me to start a schedule to get LO to bed at a certain time and that I should put her in her crib/basenet and not hold her.
I totally trust the doctor but I guess mommy instincts are better sometimes. If holding her all night is what makes her happy and gets her the sleep she needs, then that's what we will do.

taraleanne · December 2013

Mommy instincts prevail in a lot of situations. Sleep is one of them! Even at 6m old, I will do what it takes to make sure my baby gets his nap in because if he doesn't, he's cranky, and no one wants that. You'll see that baby sleep is constantly changing too, it's going to be an ongoing thing that you are constantly working at. I recently read about sleep consultants who help parents get their babies into healthy sleeping routines and they usually don't work with babies under 4-6m. Plus you, the mommy need sleep too. You could still start your bedtime routine at the same time every night and get baby used to that routine at a certain time of the day. Eventually everything else will fall into place. I'd say it should be somewhere between 7-830.

You're doing a great job!

fareh31 · December 2013

My DD is a great sleeper at night but is similar to yours in the daytime- she will sleep for hours in my lap but not more than 20 minutes in her rnp if we are lucky! Im going back to work soon and know I need to get her to sleep better in the daytime by herself so my mom doesn't have to hold her all day. So today I tried a couple of things differently that so far seems to be working. im using a white noise app, and I'm trying to put her in there when she's drowsy but not asleep. However she then thinks its play/talk time - which usually quickly turns back into crying because she is overtired. So when she started crying this time, I didn't pick her up. I kept eye contact, kept rocking her and shushing her along with the white noise. Within a few minutes she was calm and drowsy again and all in all it probably took 20 minutes to get her to sleep but it finally worked - she has been asleep for 30 minutes already! I hope this helps!

HZ2012 · December 2013

*lurking* I have a 7 month old who luckily started out on a pretty good sleep schedule. I have a few suggestions. Does LO like the swing? My LO would nap all day long in that thing. Do you swaddle? LO loved being swaddled. As someone else mentioned, during the day keep it bright with normal noise, and at night keep it dim and quiet if you can.
But at 4 weeks old, anything goes pretty much. I know it seems like it'll be this way forever, but I promise it won't! The time will FLY! enjoy your newborn

KimS17 · December 2013

HZ2012 said:
*lurking* I have a 7 month old who luckily started out on a pretty good sleep schedule. I have a few suggestions. Does LO like the swing? My LO would nap all day long in that thing. Do you swaddle? LO loved being swaddled. As someone else mentioned, during the day keep it bright with normal noise, and at night keep it dim and quiet if you can.
But at 4 weeks old, anything goes pretty much. I know it seems like it'll be this way forever, but I promise it won't! The time will FLY! enjoy your newborn

So far she doesn't like the swing or her bouncy seat. We can't put her down for more than a few minutes. She was like that in the hospital too. I have a moby wrap that we use every now and again.
As of now we can't swaddle her. She never liked her arms swaddled and because she was breech she has minor hip dysplasia. Until we get the all clear from the doc we can't swaddle her legs.

agfox92 · December 2013

Try the halo sleep slack swaddler. We use that with dd. It Velcros around their torso giving you the option to swaddled arms or not and it doesn't have to be tight around hips. Dd doesn't like having her arms in and we don't swaddle tight but it's built so that it's not like a loose blanket. No danger of suffocation. She sleeps in it every night

fareh31 · December 2013

Agree- the halo sleep sacks have been very useful - DD won't swaddle either as she prefers her arms by her head so we wrap it around her torso. It is pretty loose around the hips and legs. Also I read somewhere that if you try to put them down during "active sleep" which is what they are in the first 30 minutes, they'll wake up. If you wait until they are in a deeper sleep they might stay asleep when put down. For DD this works some of the time !

shannoncorrin · December 2013

4 hour naps during the day is crazy long! I limit LO naps to 2 hours during the day. I have already pled my case for why I think an eat play sleep routine is so beneficial. I couldn't survive doing what you do! My live needs structure and I found it helps my LO too. Good luck.

taraleanne · December 2013

shannoncorrin said:

4 hour naps during the day is crazy long! I limit LO naps to 2 hours during the day. I have already pled my case for why I think an eat play sleep routine is so beneficial. I couldn't survive doing what you do! My live needs structure and I found it helps my LO too. Good luck.

Shannon, I'm sorry but at 4w old my baby would never have done the eat sleep play routine. Maybe your baby will but mine would not do that at only a month old! He only started that kind of routine (one his own) around 2.5 months and even then, wonder weeks and growth spurts will mess with that. What the OP is experiencing is very norma and won't last forever. I agree however that 4h naps during the day is long and I might be inclined to wake the baby to eat so that some of those sleeping hours will be at night instead.

missesru · December 2013

taraleanne said:

She's 4 weeks old. All of this is NORMAL! (and yes, I just yelled that)

You aren't going to screw anything up and yes she will grow and change quickly. Just relax and follow your baby's cues. She'll go to bed earlier eventually, don't worry. Honestly, you just need to roll with the punches for a while, remember this won't last forever and it will, I promise it WILL just sort itself out, you honestly don't need to DO anything. (besides make sure she knows daytime from nighttime, have a "this is nighttime now" or a bedtime routine and make sure your baby does not get overtired - wake times are short) Feed on demand, struggle through growth spurts and remember this too shall pass. Look up Wonder Weeks. She'll get a schedule eventually. She's just lived in your belly for 9months so no wonder she wants to be held all of the time. It will all work out! You can't spoil her and you're not doing anything wrong. You can't even create bad habits at this age. Honestly, please don't waste your time worrying about things like this cause it just doesn't last long enough. Be with your baby, love her, bond with her and just enjoy it. One day you will miss this time!

This exactly! With my first I was so scared of 'bad habits' and trying to do things to get her to sleep. I read too many things online! Then I just relaxed, followed what seemed to work for her, and she is now a great sleeper (in her own bed) at 3 y/o. With this baby we're just following his cues, which almost exactly mirror what you described, OP.

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