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Anyone HATE their BD?

eg214eg214 member
in Single Parents
Granted, we were married, there was abuse and a lot of awful things that happened, I gave him another chance after we separated, he screwed it up, we divorced, and two years later I gave him another shot. I have A LOT to be pissed about...but I have so much disdain for him. I'm not even sure I could say anything nice about him and that worries me because he's the father of my child. I know I can keep it together for her sake, but I dang near hate him so much...I just wonder if that will ever change.

I'm sure most of us don't like our jerk BD's but how do you guys deal with it when you absolutely think they are total sbags?

PCOS // Loss 3/2010 // Single Mom // Natural Birth // DC Metro // Baby Girl Born 2/2/2014
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Re: Anyone HATE their BD?

  • Monkeybird84Monkeybird84 member
    Right now, I just avoid the topic for the most part. I only talk about it with people who already know the situation, and only if they ask about it. DS is too young to understand, but when he's old enough and asks about it I guess I'll probably tell him something along the lines of, "I don't know why he chose not to around for you", and let him make his own decision regarding a relationship with the sperm donor.
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  • eg214eg214 member
    I'm in a situation where BD wants to be around TOO MUCH. Sounds crazy, but I just got his proposal for visitation and to me...it's clear he is looking out for himself, not for her. I wish he would just go away and I know a lot of moms WISH their BD's were around too much or around at all...but it also gets to a point where you just can't stand them anymore. So irritated. I know the grass is always greener, but I do often wish it would have been with some random than him.

    PCOS // Loss 3/2010 // Single Mom // Natural Birth // DC Metro // Baby Girl Born 2/2/2014
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  • MinnesotaMomma91MinnesotaMomma91 member
    Meh, my bd is a douche but i dont hate him. I dont particularly like him but i dont hate him.

    Im going to suggest you and your bd go to mediation so you can work out a scheduale that works for everyone.

    Also im going to suggest going to therapy for youself it sounds like you could use someone to help.you work through your feelings towards your bd
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  • tig594tig594 member
    I don't HATE the SD but feel kind of sorry for him in a way.  But he also annoys me and there is no way we can be in the same room together or talk/text because he will use it as an opportunity to try getting us back and that just isn't going to happen.  He's left messages and sent texts begging to know how DD is doing and I know he's just using it as an excuse to get me to talk to him so he can take the ball and run with it.  Once I open that door it takes weeks to get it closed again. 

    That said, I haven't made contact with him at all since our last split and he's called/texted so much it's to the point it's considered stalking (again).  This time he'll have to go through the proper channels if he wants to see his kid.  I think the only reason I've tolerated it so well this time is because I started taking anti-anxiety meds.  
    :D
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  • 20thirteen20thirteen member
    With all that BD put me through, I'm amazed at how much I say I hate him but don't really mean it.  I could care less about him, I have so much going on that I really don't think about him.  I hate how he handled the situation, but in the back of my mind, I knew our relationship was over and I was just waiting for it to end.  Stupid, I know.  I should've just broken it off, but I didn't. Then I got pregnant and then I thought that we had to figure it out together before breaking up. When his secret girlfriend dumped me (because he didn't have the balls to do it himself), it was actually quite liberating.

    However, I have to deal with his parents like ALL THE TIME.  I think I actually hate his mother more than I hate him. I allowed them to be in DD's life, but man... I'm so glad they live in another state because that woman... I really just can't stand her.  BD has come to see DD 3 times now, twice with his parents and once with his brother (because his mother made him, not kidding).  Outside that, he doesn't call or text.  Last I heard he was homeless and still selling drugs, so I'm not at all unhappy that he's not involved.  Although, with Christmas coming up, I do sort of worry that I'll start getting the suicidal sounding texts again. "I'm desperate!" "let me see her just one last time!" and all that jazz.

    I do agree with LAMuehlen, therapy is a wonderful thing.  I have been in therapy since I found out I was pregnant.  It has helped me stay strong for DD and keep my head up.
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  • eg214eg214 member
    I don't have health insurance and am absolutely strapped financially but will soon. I love therapy and will def go as soon as I can. I agree it will def help work through the anger I have towards him. I guess because he is pushing for such a presence in her life but not willing to compromise and do what's truly best for her, it's making me super angry. Trying to be a 50% parent from 800 miles away and thinking there's nothing wrong with that and that I'm just a beyotch for not agreeing.

    PCOS // Loss 3/2010 // Single Mom // Natural Birth // DC Metro // Baby Girl Born 2/2/2014
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  • 20thirteen20thirteen member
    If you go to allkidscovered.com and sign up for insurance for your LO, I think you can get insurance for you too.  I haven't been to the site in a while, but I'm pretty sure you can.  Check it out.

    Does he have a lawyer? Because if he doesn't, he should get one.  You have one right?  That will also speed along the process of an agreeable arrangement and maybe an attorney will get it through his head that he can't be the one in charge.  YOU are the mother, YOU do what is right, YOU make the decisions.
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  • eg214eg214 member
    Baby will have insurance through him because he is retired military. If he fights it for some reason and things get delayed/tied up in court, I will qualify for medicaid for both of us.

    He does have a lawyer and we WERE trying to come to an agreement with visitation, but his ideas were ridiculous. Just got them 2 days ago. I can't afford one but as of Jan 1 will qualify for legal aid and then will have one.

    Thanks for the re-assurance! :)

    PCOS // Loss 3/2010 // Single Mom // Natural Birth // DC Metro // Baby Girl Born 2/2/2014
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  • inthelostinthelost member
    edited December 2013
    I used to hate his guts. Now, I'm learning to let it go. I'm starting to realize that it's a fault and weakness in him that has nothing to do with me or my daughter. My daughter is wonderful. If he can't see that then it's his loss and he's the one missing out on something amazing. It's fine if he wants no relationship with his daughter, but he knows that's because it's his choice and he'll have to live with that choice one day...
    Liliana Seraphina born 9/5/2103


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  • pregokatpregokat member
    I don't hate him. 
    Am I disgusted by him.. ? yes! 
    Do I think he's lower than the lowest scum on earth? yes
    Do I think he should be sterilized? yes
    but I don't hate him lol
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