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November 2013 Moms
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Baby not Bonding With Daddy

3LittleBirds123LittleBirds12 member
in November 2013 Moms

My DH is very discouraged right now.  He adores our daughter, however he feels as though she doesn't love him or is bonding with him.  It breaks my heart to hear him say "My baby doesn't love me."   When she is upset he will try his best to comfort her, but it doesn't always work.  As soon as he passes her off to me, she will settle down.  I understand that she is a month old, and I don't believe for one minute that she is not bonding with her daddy.  Mother and Baby bond differently, especially with breastfeeding.  I try and explain this to him, but he is taking it so personal.  We are giving her bottles, so he gives her a bottle at least once a day.  He reads to her, cuddles her, and helps out with just about everything.    

On a side note, I work in an infant classroom at work, so I am very comfortable with babies.  This is DH's first go around with a baby ever.  I think he is doing a WONDERFUL job, he just feels as his efforts are not working. 

Is anyone else experiencing this? Is there anything I can do to help?  

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Re: Baby not Bonding With Daddy

  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    This is our second LO and DH has really backed off the baby care and seems to do more to take care of our toddler.  He loves LO very much, but I think he feels like he already has the bond established with DD and she's easier to handle at this point.  He tries to step in to help with DS when he can, a bottle once a day and then he will hold, rock and try to comfort him when he's fussy but if he doesn't settle pretty quick, DH will hand him back to me. 

    We have talked about it and he just says that he wants to make sure DD doesn't feel left out and she seems to get jealous when DH is with the baby, but I keep telling him that she has to see DH interacting with LO as well to get used to it...
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  • MrsBynum0505MrsBynum0505 member
    DH adores our little girl, but she's not as fond of him yet. She's almost 3 weeks old and only wants me. We tried breast feeding but couldn't so she is bottle fed which gives DH time to bond with her but she still prefers me. I think it's just a stage. I'm think she'll be mommy's baby and daddy's girl.
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  • 3Dewdrops3Dewdrops member
    In our experience it's just a lil early for the bonding but it'll come with time.  I think the first time it showed how much DD2 had bonded with DH was when she realized some people were strangers.  If we were around new people or any situation that made her nervous like around hyper animals she wanted DH and no one else. She would cling to him and bury her face in his chest.  In fact, she's almost 4.5 years old and is still the same way.  DH makes her feel safe.  I do not I guess.  =(

    So IMO his efforts aren't in vain!  They'll pay off down the road.
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  • sla626sla626 member
    My hubby sings a lot to our lo. I also read that the vibrations from the Adam's apple helps smooth a baby so maybe he can hold her close to his neck and sing:) doesn't have to be on key.
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  • drcolleendrcolleen member
    My DH isn't an infant guy.... but he really enjoys our older kids and is great with them, he just does not find the infant stage enjoyable as there is so little "action" for lack of a better term.  On the occasions where I have handed DS over I'll frequently find him put in the bouncer, swing or chair as DH has no intention of walking around with a kid like I do -- I'm very much a baby wearer.  He actually asked me when I was going to start pumping so that he would have some milk around and "I can be more helpful to you" because his assumption is that every cry is solved with milk.  Every parent has to find their own way, it's not easy.
    5/08- blighted ovum, spont ab; 2/20/09- epi, VAVD, Girl! breastfed 24mo; 10/10- blighted ovum, spon ab; 12/10- no fetal pole, Cytotec; 11/20/11- unmedicated SVD, Girl! breastfed 18mo; 11/7/13- unmedicated SVD, breastfed 18mo; 2/11/16- unmedicated SVD, exclusively pumping to at least a year.

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  • artistlifeartistlife member
    At this point our babies are only using their instincts. Marsupial babies instinctively know to climb into their mother's pouch for food and shelter. Your arms are your babies pouch. Your baby instinctively knows by your smell that you are food, shelter, and safety. Trusting your DH and loving either of you is a learned behavior.

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  • SweetLaura286SweetLaura286 member
    I have made a very big point to NOT have DH hand me the baby when she won't calm down.. So he has had to learn how to soothe her... And it has worked very well I'd say. Other than nursing her he can fully take care of her which is a great feeling. And I have pumped milk he can give her when necessary.

    When people feel bad thinking she doesn't like them when they are holding her and she is crying I jokingly say "oh yeah because she NEVER cries for me" ;) puts it in a little perspective.. She cries in my arms a ton, too!
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  • VegasGal1978VegasGal1978 member
    mrsnikkimitchell said:
    Has he tried doing skin to skin while cuddling her?
    Try this. My DH has and they have a great bond developing!
    Can't figure out the signature thing, so here's the short, short version.....first daughter born on November 10, 2013. She was conceived through the magic of IVF after 2+ years of TTC.
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  • KatieintheCityKatieintheCity member
    He might also learn some soothing techniques and use them when LO is fussy. I highly recommend Happiest Baby on the Block. Our DS really responds well to the Five S's, and they're things that either parent can easily do. Also, could you pump a little bit so your H could take care of one feeding a day? It's great bonding time, and would give you a bit of a break!
    Mr. & Mrs. B, Est. 10.23.2009
    m/c: 9/06/12
    LTB: 10/23/13
    Baby B 2.0 EDD: 3/15/16

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