Let's Talk table manners

MamaAllison · December 2013

... Because my DDs are horrible. She won't sit in her booster (the bottom part of the FP space saver), so she is constantly wiggling, standing up, getting off of her chair. She uses her fingers way more than her fork and spoon, and spills everything! The chairs in our morning room constantly have dried gunk on them from her grimy hands being every where. So what is reasonable to expect at this age? (2 years, 3 months) I'm think of getting a "big girl" booster to help with the wiggles... But anyone have any dinner time advice?

TiffanyBerry · December 2013

I think you have to figure out what your minimum is, and enforce it. We have a no standing policy, but allow kneeling (knees or butt must be on the chair). We don't require her to stay at the table the whole time we are eating, but she's only allowed two breaks from the dinner table before we put her food away. She has to have an indoor voice, and she can't eat while lying across the chair either. (We are well out of the booster seat phase.) She can eat with whatever she likes (though I will ask if she will eat with utensils) but she has to use the napkin, rather than her shirt, to wipe her hands (and yes, we still have to remind her almost every time, despite being 3.5yrs old). And, if she's gotten messy, she has to wash her hands before she goes to play. And if she's made a mess (spilled water or whatever), she has to clean it up (with a little help from us).

None of this is enforced with anger or frustration (though sometimes fatigue), but it is pretty darn strictly enforced.

FabulousMrs.P · December 2013

We strap DD into her booster seat. We have the Fisher Price Healthy Deluxe booster and it is easy to clean down. We encourage her to use her utensils, but don't freak out if she doesn't use them. We do not allow ANY food throwing...that is an automatic time out. She also is not allowed to fill her mouth up and then spit out the food. We are working on her using a regular cup but we also use a straw cup with the lid. And she has to stay at the table until everyone is done or in special circumstances until she is excused. My DD isn't too particular with food so we don't have that fight...she likes most things. But if she doesn't eat much, then there is no junk food later.

blu-eyedwife · December 2013

We also have the knee or bottom rule when on the chair - no standing.

You sit in your chair until you're done eating. If you climb down, you're done.

No throwing/purposefully dropping food.

That's pretty much eat. We encourage utensils, but don't get bent out of shape over the use of fingers. I don't worry too much about messes, but he doesn't like them, so he will ask for a napkin to clean up a spill or accidental drop. And if he doesn't eat, then he doesn't eat.

chardonnay24 · December 2013

My kid will be 3 in February and I don't expect him to really have "manners" yet. He is required to sit in his booster chair. If he doesn't sit, he gets strapped in. If he gets down from the table, he is finished. He has to use a napkin instead of the table/chair/clothes to wipe his hands down, but he doesn't get a consequence if he forgets, we just remind him frequently. I encourage but don't require utensil usage. He recently became much more neat eater, but I think that it was age, not anything we did. He certainly still makes a mess, though. We have a plastic placemat and a splat mat for the biggest messes. We did struggle with throwing food and used a positive reinforcement system (chocolate chips) to encourage him to clean up instead of throw his plate, and now he does it automatically.

MamaAllison · December 2013

Thanks ladies. I was just feeling like a failure as a parent because eating dinner with her is so unpleasant. I am going to try out some of your suggestions and not freak out about the developmental stuff!

CheezeFace · December 2013

I have no real advice because everyday with food is different in this house but I will tell you this: no matter how good the mealtime part of the day goes, it is always, hands down, the worst part of everyday. It is a constant test of my patience.

(To be fair to DS, I think it's mostly b/c I hate cooking so, so, so, so, so, so, much that when he won't eat what I've prepared, I have unreasonable rage that has to be swallowed at every meal.)

authorofdreamz · December 2013

DD loves to eat and doesn't like messes so she is mostly good at the table (except she takes FOREVER to eat because she talks non-stop.) but sometimes she will have a tantrum if she is upset and throw her fork, spoon, food, etc. if she isn't getting her way. In that case, she gets one warning to try again and if she does it again she doesn't get to eat at the table. She has to eat in her high chair in the kitchen.

JoannaJes · December 2013

I think that as long as you are modeling good manners at the table, kids will eventually pick up on how to behave.

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