Full of IF what ifs

Re: Full of IF what ifs

• jessica_gail2 member

  December 2013

  I'm sorry kaf. IF is an ugly b. It sucks to have to face it again. Prayers for you, that you can relax and your mind be put at ease as you move toward your FET.

  MF (low motility) - Began stims for IVF#1 7/21/12

  ER 8/2/12 - 14 eggs retrieved, 12 mature and ICSI'd, 6 fertilized. ET 8/7 - 2 embies. Beta#1 8/17: 143! Beta#2 8/20: 590! Beta#3 8/22: 1,162! 1st US 9/4: one beautiful little bean with the best sounding HB I've ever heard!

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• ashleymarie512 member

  December 2013

  I'm sorry to hear Hopefully everything works out for you.
  
  I don't know about when you had your LO, but mine was a FET and it was so much smoother than a fresh cycle. I understand how you feel about it not working and it being your last time trying for a biological child. When we start TTC again, it'll be our last shot too most likely.
  
  Hang in there, try to focus on now and not the "what ifs"...easier said than done I know!

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• TJ1979 member

  December 2013

  All those terrible IF feelings are bound to come up when you try again. You know how wonderful the results can be. But you also know the heartache that is possible.
  I know this has been a crazy rushed cycle. And there will never be a time that is "perfect" or easy. I know the logistics of postponing are difficult right now... Will they be easier later down the road? Or will it always be complicated?
  I wouldn't worry about LOs age right now though. 10months makes a big difference. You can do this kaf! And you will have lots of people praying for you and sending lots of good vibes.

  TTC with PCOS since November 2009
  

  IUI#1 Femara/Ovidrel (cd 3-7) = BFP, m/c
  IUI#2 Femara/Ovidrel (cd 5-9) = BFN
  IUI#3 Femara/Ovidrel (cd 3-7) = BFP!
  beta #1 11/23 = 270, P4 = 75
  beta #2 11/28 = 2055
  Our daughter E was born 7/29/2012!
  Surprise, our 2nd daughter P was born 5/22/14!
   
  

  
  

  

  

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• Mayzie15 member

  December 2013

  IF is such a roller coaster and I'm sorry there are so many unknowns for you during this process. Hang in there and I'm sending positive thoughts your way

  Me 38 MH 41 - TTC since June 2010 - dx with Severe MFI. Straight to IVF with ICSI. IVF #1 - ER 06/13/12 - 9 Eggs Retrieved - 4 ICSI'd - only 2 fert. 06/15/12 - 2DT - 3 cell & 6 cell with fragmentation. Beta 06/29/12 - IVF #1 = BFN. 07/20/12 - WTF Appt -Told by our RE to quit IVF. Second Opinion from RE is good. IVF#2 - November 2012. Estradiol Pills Started 11/6. Stims start 11/16. ER 11/26 - 7 eggs retrieved - all mature. 4 fertilized with ICSI. ET 11/29 Transferred 3 embryos. Beta is 12/10. 1st Beta 81 2nd Beta 160 and 3rd beta 360!!! First U/S 12/21/12 - We saw one beautiful gest. sac. 2nd U/S is 01/04/2013 - H/B 183 02/05/13 - NT Scan - everything looks good and IT'S A BOY!  Aiden was born 08/20/2013.
  

  IVF #2 is in progress.  ER was 05/12/14 - 11 eggs retrieved, 8 fertilized with ICSI.  ET was 05/15/14 - we transferred 3 embryos as we did on the cycle my son was conceived.  We were able to freeze 3 embryos. Beta is scheduled for 05/26/14.  1st beta - 111.  2nd beta - 159 didn't double 3rd beta Friday 5/30) - not a lot of hope left. Beta # 3 is 247 - probably ectopic.  Beta # 4 is 813 - possibly vanishing multiple sydrome?  06/05/14 - 5w4days - first U/S - we see a gestational sac and yolk - still have hope!  06/17/14 - 7w1day - U/S and saw and heard the heartbeat - Finally!  06/27/14 - 8w4days - Baby and heartbeat look and sound great   EDD 02/01/14 and It's a boy!
  

  
   "Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end."
  
  
  

  
  

  

  
  

   
  
  
  

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• kmc84 member

  December 2013

  Ditto to all the pp's! I know this is tough for so many reasons, but I don't necessarily think that another 6 or 12 months will make it easier. We are all rooting for you! Lots of T&P'S for you

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  TTC# 1 since 5/10
  Me:34 Type 1 Diabetes, Ankylosing Spondylitis, Hypothyroid DH:35 Perfect
  DX: Unexplained IF
  Many IUI's with various meds all BFFN
  IVF #1 11/11 canceled due to OHSS
  IVF #2 Feb/March 2012 ET of 2 on day 3 4/7 BFP! 5/1 u/s blighted ovum
  IVF #3 July 2012 ET of 3 on day 3 7/24 BFP!
  Healthy baby girl born at 36w4d on 3/9/13
  

  TTC #2

  IVF #4 May/June 2014 ER 6/4 18R 8M 8F ET 6/9 1 blast, 2 frosties

  Beta 6/18 BFFN

  
  

  FET of 2 blasts 7/24...BFP!

  Healthy baby girl born at 36w3d on 3/17/15
  
  TTC#3
  IVF #5 June 2018- PGS planned, no surviving embryos
  IVF #6 August 2018- ET of 2 on day 3 - Chemical pregnancy
  IVF #7 August 2019-....?

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• AKB090609 member

  December 2013

  I'm sorry, I hope everything works out. I wish you didn't have the IF feelings, but I think once you've been through IF ant time you TTC you end up back in the same mental space. I think it is because IF is such a traumatizing experience and our minds are wired to go back to what we know.

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• Eve_Angelique member

  December 2013

  T&P to you, IF is such a rollercoaster indeed, sending hugs!

  TTC since August 2009
  Clomid for 6 cycles starting August 2010- O but no BFP
  SA Septemeber 2010 Looking good 
  HSG September 2010 All clear 
  1st RE visit May 2011 - IUI#1 June 20, 2011: BFN
  IUI #2 July 31 2011: BFP - m/c @ 5w1d
  Surprise BFP on a break cycle 10/4/11, Due June 4, 2012, Born 6/9/2012
  TTC Blog
  TTC#2 : Cycles 1-3 Protocol 1500mg Metformin Daily, Femara + Ovidrel, Progresterone support 

  HSG#2 November 2013 All clear
  

  Cycle 4 Metformin, Femara, Bravelle, Ovidrel, Progesterone = BFP

  Little Lady Born 8/28/2014
  

  

  
  

  "There is a design, an alignment, a cry of my heart to see, 

  the beauty of love as it was made to be"

  Mumford & Sons
  

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• imoverit member

  December 2013

  Here is the deal. Its going to be hard. You are going to have hurdles to overcome. You are going to be an emotional mess. Just know that in the end you will have another LO that will be worth all the struggle. Hang in there and know we are here for you through this journey.

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• Mrs.AmyDylan member

  December 2013

  I'm sorry about your IF anxiety. Huge hugs and tons of prayers that your solo embie turns into a lifetime buddy for O!

  TTC Since 3/2010
  Me-36, Unexplained Infertility, DH-35, all clear
  Clomid 50mg 12/2011 = BFN
  Clomid 100mg 1/2012 = BFN, with Cyst
  IVF #1 Lupron/Menopur/Gonal-f/HCG Trigger
  ER 4/19/12 = 11 retrieved, 6 fertilized,
  ET 4/22/12 = 2 transfered (day 3), remaining 3 weren't good enough to freeze
  Beta 5/3 = BFP, 87 Beta #2 5/7 560.9 Beta #3 5/9 1376.5 First u/s One Baby, 125bpm!
  Second u/s, 176bmp! Kicked over to the OB by the RE at 8w. Team Green!! 

  Baby girl J arrived two weeks early! Born into water, med-free. Hooray for Team Pink!

  
  

  TTC #2 - back to the RE, treatment started 12/2014. 
  
  
  

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• ccam member

  December 2013

  I'm sorry that you're feeling this way, it's been a rough cycle for you so far!!  My thoughts and prayers are with you! 

  ___________________________________________________________________________

  Trying for #1 since May 2010   l   DX ~ Unexplained Infertility June 2011

  IUI #1&2 = BFN; IUI #3 = BFP, m/c @ 6 weeks

  November '11 ~ IVF#1 ~ ER 11/18 (29R, 17F) ~ 5dt of one beautiful blast on 11/23 = BFP!!

  Beta #1 9dp5dt = 116, P4 = 28 ~ Beta #2 13dp5dt = 700 ~ Beta #3 20dp5dt = 9500, P4 = 26

  1st u/s 12/27 - hb of 156!! EDD 8.10.12    **TEAM GREEN!**

  Sweet baby boy born 8.18.12

  

  Trying for #2

  FET #1 - October '13 - c/p   l   FET #2 - December '13 - cancelled    l   FET #2.2 - 1.30.14 - BFN

  ~ More testing - hysteroscopy, endometrial biopsy & more b/w - all normal / negative~

  Surprise BFP while waiting on FET #3 ~ beta #1 500; beta #2 1600; first u/s 4/3 - measuring 5w5d, no hb yet!; 2nd u/s 4/10 - hb 132, measuring 6w6d - EDD 11.29.14     **TEAM GREEN!**

  Beautiful baby girl born 11.24.14

   

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• kaf7 member

  December 2013

  Thanks everyone. All of your comments have been really helpful to me. I love my SAIFers.

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• PennyLane26 member

  December 2013

  (((hugs))) So much to think about.

  
  

  One the one hand, even though baby boy is 9 months right now, he'll be a toddler if you should get a BFP and welcome another LO! So don't let that scare you! I am the oldest of 5 and the best gift my parents gave me was my siblings.

  
  

  On the other hand, the other scenario is a much more difficult one. I will say prayers for you that you get your BFP!!!

  dx: MFI 0% morph & low count. Occasional Anovulatory cycles.
  

  
  

  TTC #1

  • IVF #1 4/21/12 - c/p
    
  • IVF#2 8/1/12 - BFP! DD arrived 4/10/2013.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  TTC #2
  

  • FET #1 3/18/14 - BFP! DS arrived 11/19/2014.

  
  

  
  

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• mdiblasi10 member

  December 2013

  I am so sorry, kaf. Big hugs!

  Dx: Unexplained Infertility

  
  

  TTC #1 

  IUI's #1 - #3 Clomid = BFN's, IUI #4 Follistim = BFP

  Grayson arrived via emergency c-section on 7/28/12!
  
  TTC #2 

  IUI's #1 - #4 Follistim = BFN's

  IVF #1 w/ ICSI + PGS: Lupron/Follistim/Menopur

  ER 4/13 - 19R, 13F, 4 PGS tested embryos, 1 normal

  5/14 FET: BFP. Beta #1: 123, Beta #2: 327, Beta #3: 854

  Cora arrived 1/23/15 via RCS!

  
  

  My Blog
  
  
  

  
  

  
  

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• mcgeeva member

  December 2013

  Hang in there! It's a tough road but when it get's tough just think..you have an amazing little one. Doesn't make it better but takes the sting out a little with their smiling faces.

  Married: 5/09 ~ TTC Since: 10/10 ~ PCOS ~ Progesterone from 10/10 - 2/11 ~ HSG on 3/18 - Clear ~ Started Metformin 1000mg & Clomid 50mg 2/11 ~ Metformin upped to 1500mg 4/6 ~ 6/7 Now going to SG and put on Clomid, Ovidrel, Gonal F, Prometrium, Estrace ~ IUI #1 7/2 = BFP!!!!!! March 6th our little man was born. 

  6/17/13 - Ovidrel, Follistim, Prometrium ~ IUI #1 7/2 = BFP! March 17th our St. Pattys day baby arrived

  10/29/17 - Started process for IVF, got pregnant & miscarried a 2nd time since summer. 2/22 started stims - Menopur, Gonal F, Cetrotide - retrieval 3/6 - , PIO, estrace 3xday - FET 4/18 = Beta 1: 616; Beta 2: 1342 = BFP 

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• LeoLauren member

  December 2013

  Hi kaf, I am in the exact same boat. I just got home from an ET from ivf #3 which I never would have done so soon if weren't for my crappy amh levels - my LO is 7 months. This cycle wasn't nearly as traumatic as ivf #2 (the one that worked) bc I have a gorgeous little man to come home to and I was able to relax. I think the stress thing makes all the difference. Last time I was so wound up (I cried during ER bc I was so sick of IF) and they only retrieved 3 eggs. This time I got a dozen! Good luck and fingers crossed!!

  Me: 34 - low ovarian reserve

  DH: 40 - no issues  

  
  

  3 failed IUI's 

  
  

  IVF #1 3/12 - 13 eggs, 9 fertilized,  2 transferred (1 grade 2 blast, 1 early blast), no frosties, 3/30/12 - 9dp5dt spotting, BFNs

  
  

  IVF #2. 7/12 - 18 days of stims, 3 mature eggs, 3 fertilized (ICSI), 3 transferred (9, 8, 7 cell) on day 3.  First beta - 8/21/12 = 105, beta #2 - 8/23/12 = 268, beta #3 - 8/30/12 = 2,352. 2nd u/s - 9/4/12. Baby Boy born 5/1/2013.

  
  

  IVF #3 Now (12/13). AMH is very low - 0.19. ER (12/5) 12 eggs, 10 mature, 7 fertilized using ICSI. 3 transferred (8,8,8 cell - all grade 2) on day 3. First beta - 12/21/13 = 126, beta #2 - 12/23/13 = 400, beta #3 - na (office was closed for new year's). First sonogram - TWINS aka OMG! -  

  
  

  
    

  
  

  
  
  
  

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