PWHEWS - 3+ kids (or siblings) ?

SaguaroBlossmom · December 2013

I'm torn.. When I had DD1 I truly did not want another.. The only reason I decided to was that I wanted her To have a sibling to grow up with. Now that I have DD2 I absolutely love it and as soon as DD2 was a couple days old, I told my H that I wanted another one..
Well I have him on board now .. But now I am so undecided . I have this fear that 3 is pushing my luck. That I should be grateful to have my two girls and be done with it. I also have a fear that two of my kids will gang up on the other and be mean to one another. Then when they are grown , how would we do holidays and such? I'm an over thinker as you can tell.
What was the deciding factor that made you want more after 2? And for ladies with 2 or more siblings - is my fear validated in any way? Are you closer with one sibling over another? ( I have a brother and sister but my brother is 14 years younger.. So .. Ya)

michelle04us · December 2013

I have 2 biological sisters. One 5 years older and one 26 months younger. My older sister and I have never gotten along but I believe that is because I took away her only child status. She was spoiled rotten before I came along and me taking some of the limelight away did not bode well with her. My younger sister and I were closer when we were little. As we started growing up we did grow apart a little but not that much.

I don't want to scare you but as of this point in time(ages 26,28,33) none of us talk to each other. As in we are in a very big fight. However, it's not because of how things went when we were growing up but situations now and the past couple years. However, I don't believe it's because there are 3 of us instead of 2. It's our personalities clashing. There will be fights. Even with just 2 there will be fights.

Don't let the possibility of conflict keep you from having another child. There is bound to be some and I'm sure they will work through it. Whether it be while growing up or in adulthood.

As far as pushing your luck and being grateful you have your 2 girls? If you're meant to have another child you will. Whether you plan it or not(like my unplanned pregnancy at 8wks pp). This is just my outtake on life though. I don't mean to offend if it's not yours.

Even though we don't plan on having more if I do get pregnant(on mirena) I would be ecstatic and also insane to be thinking that. That would mean we would have 5 kids between the 2 of us. I never dreamed I would have more than 2-3.

Sorry that got kinda long

edited: because apparently I'm too tired to proofread before posting.

Lolalipsy · December 2013

I have two brothers (both younger) and I love it. There's 9 years between me and the oldest one so naturally he's a bit closer with his brother but we have a more mother/son type relationship with me being ancient in comparison.

Most of my relatives have 3+ children and it works. The more the merrier I say. They have each other when we're older as well. This is why I so want a sibling for Eliza.

Kissimi21 · December 2013

I have 3u3 right now and there is very little jealousy. DS1 is crazy about "his babies". My cousin has 3 (2 teens and a 10 year old) who get along great. My H has 3 older brothers and gets along better with one than the other 2. My mother and her eldest sister hate their middle sister (she is BSC on a good day). It all depends on personalities and circumstances. Siblings are just like any other relationship, some people click, some clash.

sweetie645 · December 2013

I was exactly like you...almost thought ds1 would be an only. When pg with ds2, I swore I was only going to have 2 (almost had my tubes tied then). When ds2 was 6 weeks old, I decided I wanted a third. But I knew I wanted to wait a little longer between 2 & 3. So now we have ds3. Sometimes I think of how much easier life would be if I'd stuck with two, but I really don't think our family would have felt complete without ds3.

coffeeandbooks · December 2013

So my sister has three kids...and in her case she really couldn't handle the third. Her marriage was in trouble before she had him, and then collapsed after he was born. She is now a single mom of three kids which is really hard.
If you have a strong marriage then you probably don't have to worry...but I guess it might be worth thinking if something happened to your husband could you handle all of them on your own.

emmy236 · December 2013

I'm the baby of 3 and my parents weren't planning on having another but I was their big ooopsie (I prefer the term unplanned but not unloved). My brother and sister who are only 20 months apart usually hate each other. Their personalities just clash. They obviously love each other but 90% of time they would gladly punch the other. As the baby I'm a neutral party. Plus I turned out to be the most responsible one and handle everything for our parents (I'm executor of their estates and wills should anything happen). So I like to remind my parents if they didn't have me they'd be so screwed. My parents also said I matured a lot faster. I wanted to be more like my older siblings so my clingy child days and bratty teenage years weren't nearly as bad. But I definitely agree with PP and make sure your marriage is ready. My parents weren't and especially my dad had to really adjust to starting the whole parenting thing all over again.

flyliceandcoffee · December 2013

I can't provide much in the way of personal experience since I only have one younger sibling, but based on what I've witnessed from family members, it really depends on the family dynamic.

DH is the baby of his family and has 2 older brothers and an older sister. They got along great when they were kids, grew apart for a long time when they were all in their 20s, and are a lot closer again now that they're all in their 30s. My mom has 3 older sisters and they all get along really well, although she gets along best with the sister that is closest to her in age. My dad is the 2nd youngest in a family of 5, and none of them really talk at all and only get together on Christmas eve every year.

We're planning on having 2 kids, but we'll see what happens if/when we have our second. DH actually wanted 3 kids, but I like even numbers haha.

strawny0807 · December 2013

I'm a middle child, one older sister and one younger sister. My older sister and I are less than 2 years apart. When we were little we played well together, once we hit middle school...not so much. We are polar opposites and still get into it. We have grown closer again since we have babies that are 2 months apart. My little sister is 10 years younger than me. She was my real-live baby doll. I always say she was my first born. I love her more than she'll ever know and we are pretty close. My mom is one of 3 and the dynamic with her sisters is similar (she's also the middle child). I love having 2 sisters, we are all vastly different and similar all at once.

I think no matter how many kids you have, they will play together and fight together. There will likely be times when 2 of them will gang up on the other one but that's just sibling stuff. I love my sisters to pieces and I'm glad I have both of them.

That being said, I'm unsure I want to even have 2 kids! So, more power to you if you go for a third!

surpriseaddition · December 2013

I am the youngest of 4 girls, and we were all born in 7 years. I love having my 3 sisters. We all talk at least once a week...some I speak to almost daily. We are way old...me being the baby at 43 and my oldest sis turned 50 this year. My parents married later, and had us later in life, so both of my parents are deceased now. Without all my siblings I'd feel so alone in the world. DH only wanted 2, but that seemed so small to me. When we had a girl, then boy, DH was done but I always wanted one more. Like PP said, things work out in ways we don't expect....and I got my surprise addition #3!

Shoegal36 · December 2013

I don't have personal experience but we were just discussing this with our friends last weekend who have 3 kids. They have always joke to us "don't have more than 2 because then you're outnumbered" lol but after talking to them about it they really wish they had stopped at 2. They obviously love their 3rd baby and don't regret her but they said everything was so much easier with 2. They said they thought 1 was hard, 2 was easy, and 3 is extremely hard. They loved having 2 so much that they thought 3 would be even better, but for them it's been difficult.

Everyone is different though. That's just their experience. I've never thought about having more than 2 so their opinion didn't affect me.

Shoegal36 · December 2013

mishy2006 said:

@scormier123 just curious, what are the ages of your friends' kids?

They are 8, 5 and almost 3.

They also said their 3rd is such a handful that if they would have had her 1st they might have stopped there. That could also have something to do with it

Boo0512 · December 2013

I'm the youngest of 3 and I love my brother and sister! I get along with both of them quite well and for completely different reasons. I don't think that there were any problems growing up because there were 3 of us. For a short period of time they ganged up on me but it wasn't traumatic or anything

My DH wants 4-5 kids, I'm so not on board with that but I'm planning on 3.

drhibbard · December 2013

I'm one of nine but and we have seven cousins all from one family. I asked for opinions on just this! There's a lot of 2 children families but more with 3. Most people said that the 2nd rocked their worlds and the 3rd was a much easier transition.

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