Any FTM scared/nervous?

JmeJoLee83 · December 2013

I'm a FTM and totally overjoyed at being Pg. Lately, I've been having some nervous thoughts about how my body looks and is changing, are we ready to be good parents, labor and delivery, etc. I'm only 15 weeks so I know I have awhile to go but anyone else feeling this way? How are you handling all of these changes?

chaysefaith · December 2013

I'm not a FTMA but I am nervous about the body changes. I was itty bitty with my first two and had no problem losing weight and getting a flat stomach again, didn't even have to do anything.

This time, I'm much older and my body had gone through a lot of changes since my last pregnancy. I quit working out when we started TTC because I was nervous it would take time and I was nervous about getting my body temp too high. I didn't start working out again after my BFP because I hadn't been working out recently. I'm already looking forward to getting back in the gym after this baby.

(I know the fitness buffs on here will hate my post! I'm just paranoid.)

colllydon · December 2013

I'm a FTM and I'm terrified! Not for the baby more for the birth. I've never even broken a bone so I'm sure I have no pain threshold. I am 30 and had never seen a woman give birth until last weekend when I watched a movie. DH came home and I was crying and saying "I changed mind I don't want to do that!" Haha. I have been trying not to think about it ever since.

JulieSmiles · December 2013

I'm so scared about everything! Giving birth is something I'm not even ready to start thinking about yet. I'm nervous about being able to afford everything, knowing what to do once the baby is here, peeing my pants at work, etc.

elsa1688 · December 2013

I'm terrified. This baby was planned but things with work have turned out differently than expected and I'm nervous to be a SAHM. What if I just go stircrazy? Also, we are having a boy. Which is wonderful and exciting, but I'm one of 3 girls. All my cousins around my age are girls. I have no idea what to do with a little boy.

jshrop · December 2013

Absolutely freaking terrified. I'm nervous about how much weight I've gained already and getting back into shape after baby. I'm not as nervous about birth because it is temporary. The pain and recovery will last a few weeks, the baby is going to be around a LONG time lol. If I can focus on the temporary thought LAD then hopefully I'll get through it okay

AllyTales · December 2013

I'm nervous, I assume that's normal- even for 2nd+ timers. But I think for me, it's the unexpected. I don't know what anything will be like. I don't know how labor and contractions feel. I don't know how things will turn out. Not knowing things makes me uneasy.

My body does too, I admit. I know I've gained a bit more than I should have. And I'm not showing, really. I feel like I'm in a gross in between stage.

And I'm nervous about life changing drastically after.

kd&cd · December 2013

My worries change everyday from is the baby really ok in there? Will the dogs like the baby? Will the baby like the dogs? Will I make the right diaper choice? What if I decorate the nursery then change my mind? It's really never ending lol I deal with it by, what can I control today and then I deal with that

SashaPervaya · December 2013

I'm terrified of the birth part of it. My mom had 2 c-sections with my brother and me - brother for cord prolapse, me for just being enormous (9lbs, 8oz). And I definitely inherited her hips. And I'm definitely going for the crunchy-granola-all-natural-med-free birth (as did she, at least at first). I'm sort of afraid my vagina will just explode.

deepoceanmama · December 2013

AllyTales said:

I'm nervous, I assume that's normal- even for 2nd+ timers. But I think for me, it's the unexpected. I don't know what anything will be like. I don't know how labor and contractions feel. I don't know how things will turn out. Not knowing things makes me uneasy.

My body does too, I admit. I know I've gained a bit more than I should have. And I'm not showing, really. I feel like I'm in a gross in between stage.

And I'm nervous about life changing drastically after.

ETA: quote fail.

@AllyTales, I completely agree. The unknown is what gets me every time. Also, my family is full of loaded advice and scary stories, so they're not helping at all. Every time I say something we're planning on doing or not doing with the baby, they're like "ha! see how long THAT lasts when the baby gets here!" I know that reality changes things, but it scares me that any plans I make are futile. It makes it impossible to feel prepared (which, again, I know you never are...but it's scary!).

When I broke the news to my mom (who was a SAHM and very anti-daycare when we were little) that DH and I can't afford for me to stop working and that I'd have to put LO in daycare at 3 months when school starts, she cried. CRIED. And told me that it would be like cutting my own arm off every day to leave my baby with someone else. So, my biggest fear right now is daycare and working mom guilt.

Eating is like the only thing that helps me feel normal, so I'm not worried about my body at all. That's probably going to bite me in the ass, but I'm a very nice, average weight to start, and I haven't gained too much yet (and all in my belly so far). I eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full, and I never think twice about it.

MrsP419 · December 2013

This is my third pregnancy, but my first one with multiples so I feel like a FTM. I am nervous about basically every idea and expectation I had about pregnancy/birth/life after birth is changing because we are having two this time. Being nervous is totally normal! Pregnancy and parenting are incredibly rewarding, but also can make you feel like a deer in headlights :-)

Nancy1250 · December 2013

I'm scared. I think about everything I didn't accomplish before baby. I think about how I will have to give up all my fun time (I have tons of it). I'm scared about being exhausted. I'm scared about having a healthy baby.

babyt614 · December 2013

YES. Very nervous though mostly about getting through the rest of this pregnancy/ giving birth. I had siblings growing up much younger than me that I helped with and I took care of my nephew the 1st 2 months of his life after my sister had a botched C-section so I know that part will be exhausting but it's easier for me to feel exhausted/sacrifice for a little one I can see. These first weeks of pregnancy have been so hard on me feeling horrible but not having tangible proof of a baby being there except at appointments. I am hoping it will get better when I can feel the baby but I'm just having a really hard time sacrificing my bodily autonomy... and I am seriously phobic of dr.'s so all the pregnancy medical stuff gives me panics

AllyTales · December 2013

deepoceanmama said:

AllyTales said:

I'm nervous, I assume that's normal- even for 2nd+ timers. But I think for me, it's the unexpected. I don't know what anything will be like. I don't know how labor and contractions feel. I don't know how things will turn out. Not knowing things makes me uneasy.

My body does too, I admit. I know I've gained a bit more than I should have. And I'm not showing, really. I feel like I'm in a gross in between stage.

And I'm nervous about life changing drastically after.

ETA: quote fail.
@AllyTales, I completely agree. The unknown is what gets me every time. Also, my family is full of loaded advice and scary stories, so they're not helping at all. Every time I say something we're planning on doing or not doing with the baby, they're like "ha! see how long THAT lasts when the baby gets here!" I know that reality changes things, but it scares me that any plans I make are futile. It makes it impossible to feel prepared (which, again, I know you never are...but it's scary!).
When I broke the news to my mom (who was a SAHM and very anti-daycare when we were little) that DH and I can't afford for me to stop working and that I'd have to put LO in daycare at 3 months when school starts, she cried. CRIED. And told me that it would be like cutting my own arm off every day to leave my baby with someone else. So, my biggest fear right now is daycare and working mom guilt.
Eating is like the only thing that helps me feel normal, so I'm not worried about my body at all. That's probably going to bite me in the ass, but I'm a very nice, average weight to start, and I haven't gained too much yet (and all in my belly so far). I eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full, and I never think twice about it.

@deepoceanmama - I get the stories, too

And people saying "oh just wait until he or she is here, you'll change your mind..." which I'm sure is true for some things. But people fail to remember not everyone is like them, or the same. And don't have working/mom guilt! Not everyone can be a SAHM, that's just life. Your little one will be just fine

kks4471 · December 2013

I'm not scared about being pregnant or delivery, but I am terrified of taking care of a brand new human!!!! I have never even changed a diaper before! Thank goodness for the classes offered at my hospital, because I am completely clueless. I need "Parenting 101" lol.

erind228 · December 2013

I'm not a ftm, but I'm still scared. Not so much about the pregnancy, but one never knows how delivery will go so that is always nerve-wracking. Most of my anxiety comes from bringing the baby home. How will my other two react? Will I be able to nurse again? Etc. etc. Adding a new member to the family is always an adjustment. It's normal to be scared/ worry.

ElTrain5 · December 2013

I'm scared for most of the reasons above, and also worried about how my relationship with DH will change. His step dad just left his mom because she's such a controlling witch, and it just make me nervous that I'll somehow change once the baby is here and our relationship will suffer. I feel like we barely get enough time together as it is, and worry that we'll stop connecting at all once things get baby-crazy.

wtfisup · December 2013

Birth doesn't scare me. As long as we both live through it, which we overwhelmingly will, I'm fine. I've been through some rough stuff in life: birth lasts a max. of 48 hours. I can get through anything that ends within a couple of days.

And I'm not worried about being a parent or any of that. H and I have been together, working on ourselves, and getting ready for this for 10 years.

My biggest fear is finances: I have a good job and benefits; H's future is more unknown, but with some possibilities.

Overall, though, the only thing you can do is trust: trust yourself to make the best choices you can, to be loving, and to do what is within your means. There's no amount of planning or knowledge that will really change things. Just trust that you can make good, loving decisions, and that's what matters.

wtfisup · December 2013

ElTrain5 said:

I'm scared for most of the reasons above, and also worried about how my relationship with DH will change. His step dad just left his mom because she's such a controlling witch, and it just make me nervous that I'll somehow change once the baby is here and our relationship will suffer. I feel like we barely get enough time together as it is, and worry that we'll stop connecting at all once things get baby-crazy.

Can you make pregnancy a very honeymoon time? H and I have been extra schmoozy and lovey lately to enjoy our remaining time as a couple (before becoming a family). It's a lot of fun.

I had a therapy appt. for the first time in a few months last week and she said, "Where you're at right now -- it's about as good as life gets. Soak it up, really enjoy it. And sometimes people worry about how life is going to change things. You don't mourn for what you had before the baby; you just are in a different place. Enjoy where you are now, and in six months, enjoy that too. Again, soak everything up."

(I'm currently lounging braless listening to xmas music in front of the tree with candles lit, snow outside, and two batches of cookies in the kitchen. Working on it.)

PinkKEL9 · December 2013

I am soooo terrified of giving birth! I have never had to go to the hospital/DR for anything other than check-ups in my whole entire life. No broken bones, no stitches, no IVs. Nothing. So I am super terrified of all the pain and the entire hospital experience since I have no experience with that. I am sure it will all be fine and it will be worth it.

But it still scares me.

wtfisup · December 2013

PinkKEL9 said:
I am soooo terrified of giving birth! I have never had to go to the hospital/DR for anything other than check-ups in my whole entire life. No broken bones, no stitches, no IVs. Nothing. So I am super terrified of all the pain and the entire hospital experience since I have no experience with that. I am sure it will all be fine and it will be worth it. But it still scares me.

I've had so many stitches, extractions, etc. Just remember that your body wants to heal, and there are a bunch of medical staff to help it. Nothing I've experienced has ever been as bad as my worries beforehand.

Mrs Gurule · December 2013

i'm so scared..mostly for the birth. i also keep getting very nervous about losing the baby.. i had a miscarriage earlier this year and it was just awful. my husband and i are so excited about this baby and our news. i'm just still really scared to tell people. we're supposed to announce at Christmas.

jldcjs · December 2013

Yes, I was so focused on getting pregnant so didn't worry about what might actually happen when I am pregnant. Now I am starting to think about weight gain, delivery, finances, and how my husband and I will parent together (will we agree on parenting styles, etc.).

It's a huge life change, but I'm trying to just be excited rather than worry constantly (as I'm prone to doing).

babygabe614 · December 2013

I would say I am nervous/scared about a million things right now! I'm a FTM but I have a stepson, so in addition to all the pregnancy/labor/childbirth fears I'm also very curious/worried about how our family dynamic will change once the baby is here. I'm also worried about how my marriage will change, even though I feel like we are strong - a baby changes everything. There's a lot to be worried about!

k318 · December 2013

I will be a STM and I am nervous and scared as well. I think it's normal. I am nervous for the delivery part of course because you never know what's gonna happen. I am nervous about it changing the dynamic and my son not getting as much attention as he needs. I am worried about this kid being a horror because my son is really a joy. I am hoping that he is so great because we are good parents and he has so much family that loves him and takes good care of him, but who knows how much is nature and how much is nurture. This pregnancy is a lot harder than last time and I am scared that means this baby is going to be harder.

The good thing is that I think that it is normal to worry and is part of being a good mom. I hear that this worry about the kids lasts the rest of your life

amackattack · December 2013

I'm super worried. Mostly just about life after baby and money. Finances and being able to complete projects.

aesimp · December 2013

I read The Birth Partner and Pregnancy, Childbirth and the Newborn both by Penny Simkin (& others) and found them very empowering. It makes the whole labor and childbirth experience seem so much less scary and very do-able.

For all the worries about actually being responsible for a HUMAN BEING...I got nothing!

Jubeckmarie · December 2013

First off, I want to say that I'm a doula and have watched many different women give birth. Regardless of what you've been through in life, you can do this! And you will do this gracefully and lovingly. Women are absolutely amazing superheroes when it comes to labor and birth. I have no doubt each and every one of you will be just fine. You get the courage and strength you need to overcome the pain and scared feelings. And as long as your educated on your options and making sure you're comfortable with what you choose, you will remember your birth with happy feelings (even with the pain).

That being said, I'm scared out of my mind with being pregnant. I can't wait to get to the birth part...pregnancy is what is scaring me and making me feel all floopy. I don't like not knowing what's coming. I don't feel like I have much control and that's an issue for me. Sigh. Can't go back now! Lol I just keep reminding myself "people say congratulations for a reason!"

SashaPervaya · December 2013

@babygabe614 - OMG, what you just said. All of it.

@wtfisup and @Jubeckmarie - You have really awesome and comforting perspectives on this stuff. Thanks! You two are actually making me feel better. :-)

That said, here's my latest (ugh). I may have the opportunity to stay home with young Taco for the first year-ish of its life, while DH continues to work, and then pick up where I left off in my awesome globetrotting career. This is a WONDERFUL possibility, but it's creating all kinds of angst. I'm afraid I'll get my heart set on this and find out it's not a possibility after all. I'm afraid of having to hand Taco over at like 3 months to a nanny I barely know who may or may not speak any English (day cares in this country don't accept kids anywhere near that young).

If it DOES work, I'm afraid we'll be too cash-strapped on just the one income. I'm afraid DH will resent me for staying home. And perhaps most of all, I'm afraid that I'll really like being a SAHM and won't want to go back to being the awesome, butt-kicking dragon lady career woman I know and love. (Meaning no disrespect at all to SAHMs, it's just that would be a huge paradigm shift for me, and paradigm shifts are SCARY!!!)

Gonna just breathe and go with it. It'll be awesome no matter how things go.

MamaDuck2013 · December 2013

I am worried too as a stm...don't read birth stories or watch live births, it will just scare you. You can get through the birth and believe me, when you are 9 months pg, you will be counting the days until you can give birth. As far as working mom's guilt...my dd has been in daycare since 4 months old and it has been awesome for her. Now, at 5, she is an incredibly sweet and socially adjusted young girl....all the other little girls want to be her friend. They also know a lot about development at daycares and had her working with tweezers at 2 (to help develop fine motor skills), crafts everyday etc. The only thing negative is that my daughter is a bit ahead developmentally and they just did not know how to handle it...but everything else is good (she was adding numbers around two and is currently reading at 2nd grade level in kinder)

JuddFamily12 · December 2013

I am nervous and scared. There is going to be another human being that I am responsible for! Also its so overwhelming all of the stuff that a baby needs. I just try to take it one day at a time so I don't freak out too much.

Carriebear22 · December 2013

I'm so terrified about so many things! Pregnancy and all the things that could go wrong, delivery(I ran a half marathon on a later diagnosed hip stress fx so I know pain, but I'm still terrified of my vagina exploding), screwing up my kid, how married dynamic will change, that we will be poor, missing out on my kid as a working mom. I could go on and on...... As PP said if you're not terrified you're in denial or not thinking things through enough.

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