Loss at 20 weeks :(

maddycat · December 2013

Went in for our 20 week ultrasound and our daughter didn't have a heartbeat. We had just heard it the week before so we are a little shocked. My husband wasn't even with me because we had had so many ultrasounds before and everything looked great.
How do we even possibly start to deal with this? I have a D & E on Thursday. The wait is about to kill me.

kz's_girlygirl · December 2013

I am so so sorry for your loss, and that you are going through this experience. There is no right or wrong way to deal with your feelings- do what you need to in order to get through each minute. I know I was pretty numb for a good amount of the time I was in the hospital, and didn't want to have any feelings. (I still don't!)

Please reach out to us here as much as you need to, share your story, ask questions etc. I am so sorry

CRUN2012 · December 2013

I'm so very sorry for your loss. It is important for you to know that there is absolutely no right or wrong way to deal with something like this.
For me it was helpful to name our son and hold a small memorial service for him. It gave us closure and helped others recognize him as a person not just an idea. I'm not sure if its possible for you but it was also helpful for us to get to hold our baby. I was 26 weeks along and I had to give birth so our situations are a little different. But be sure to talk with your doctors and nurses to discuss all the options and possibilities in order for you to make the best decision for you.
Again I am so sorry you're going through this. And although it seems impossible now, it does get better in time. Hugs to you!

sunflwra · December 2013

I'm so, so sorry you are going through this. My situation was similar- went in for our 20 week anatomy scan and there was no heartbeat- total shock. I'm so sorry your husband wasn't able to be with you when you found out. My OB recommended delivery instead of a D&E for me- not sure of the specifics as to why, it may vary by state, etc. I was like you in moving forward as quickly as possible but I can't imagine that it's not terribly difficult no matter what path you have to take. We were early enough in the pregnancy that we did not have a name for our little boy yet and we decided not to name him since it would have seemed forced to us at that point, but that's just us. You have to do whatever works for you and your family. It does get better every day but I don't think it will ever go away. Take it day by day- ask questions as you work through the steps. There are wonderful ladies here to help- if there is anything we can do, just let us know.

mingaling2 · December 2013

I'm so sorry. We lost Coraline at 21 weeks - same thing, no heartbeat during a regular check up.

Please let me know if you need someone to talk to. The ladies on this board are a wonderful supportive group.

jess123456 · December 2013

I am so sorry for your loss. Please know that you have come to a very supportive and understanding place filled with those who get it. Like others have said, there is no exact way on how to handle your loss. Everyone grieves differently. I have found coming to this board, seeking the help of a support group and therapist and surrounding myself only with those who are supportive to be the most helpful. It does get more manageable somehow as you eventually learn to live with your new normal but I think that most of us will be forever changed by our losses. Sending you many hugs and I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

BrittianyM · December 2013

Very sorry for the loss of your daughter. Sending thoughts and prayers your way.

Noethola · December 2013

***siggy warning***

I am so very sorry for your loss. PPs have given a lot of good advice. Take things one day at a time right now, and do what you need to do to get through the coming days.