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Newlywed with Baby Fever

jb123111jb123111 member
in Babies on the Brain
I need some advice... I am 26 years old and will be married for 7 months this month.  Before we got married my husband and I were on the same page regarding starting a family.  We both wanted to be married at least a year before we started a family.  Well, lately I have been having baby fever and I can't stop thinking about having a baby.  I know that I am 100% ready and my husband says that he wants kids someday, just not right now.  We currently have an agreement to start trying in April, but I want it sooner.  I am currently on birth control and am unsure of when I should come off of it and start taking prenatal vitamins.  I have been on the pill for the past 10 years and am afraid that it is going to take a long time for my body to regulate itself.  Does anyone have any advice on how to go about this with my husband and what to do about coming off the birth control?
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Re: Newlywed with Baby Fever

  • toribritetoribrite member
    My husband has always said it was up to me when and how and how many. So I can't help much with the hubby part. But maybe start with finding out why he wants to wait. Is he nervous or does he want to do more before he has kids or is he worried about money? That would be a good place to start. 

    Some women take a while to get back to a "regular" cycle but other women get right back to their regular cycle as soon as they stop the pill. No way to tell about this for you, so I would wait until you are ready before getting off the pill. 
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  • DucktaleDucktale member
    If you both agreed prior to marriage to wait, and he says he isn't ready, the you wait. Sorry if you're impatient, but you shouldn't try to talk him into anything or guilt him. Many people choose to get off BCP early and use other methods, but he should be totally on board with these plans.
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  • jb123111jb123111 member
    The odd part about it is that he is pushing for me to go to the doctor and have all these checkups.  If he wasn't quite ready, then why the push?
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  • DucktaleDucktale member
    jb123111 said:
    The odd part about it is that he is pushing for me to go to the doctor and have all these checkups.  If he wasn't quite ready, then why the push?

    That would be a really great question to ask your husband. I wouldn't read into it, because you could be misinterpreting it. The only way to know is to ask him.
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  • Saralew11Saralew11 member
    I would go to the doctors if that is what he wants you to do.  I would have him go with you to the OB and see if he has questions he may want to ask her.  That way you know where he is in the TTC stage.
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  • SmileyJaySmileyJay member
    For starters, taking birth control pills is your choice. You should let him know if you stop taking them but you don't need his permission. Just getting that out of the way.

    Practically everyone will disagree because you can definitely get pregnant the month after coming off birth control. The hormones in bc will not hurt your baby. The primary things you need in prenatals don't build up in your body so you don't need them well in advance... with that said I am a total worry wart and a bit of a control freak. 

    We are planning to start ttc in January. In preparation I went off BCP (on in for 5 years, I am 24) back in early October. I have been taking gummy prenatals and we are using barrier methods right now. I have started doing pilates and kegals to strengthen my pelvic floor, core, and back muscles, although I'm in pretty good shape anyways. We eat very healthy anyways but lately I have really cut out any junk food and focused on eating clean to avoid pesticides and hormones. I am drinking much more water because it helps the consistency of CM along with just general wellness. I also started charting back in October and have felt relief having ovulated both months on schedule so far. 

    All of this has made me feel so much better about planning to TTC soon. It's not necessary but couldn't hurt :) That doesn't mean I will conceive first month of trying or even that we won't have issues, but it makes me feel like I am doing what I can and my husband is very supportive. Some of these may be things you are interested in doing. 4 months is not that long to wait!! I have been married for 2 1/2 years and waiting to be "ready"! :)
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  • SmileyJaySmileyJay member
    Oh yeah - as others mentioned... go to the doctor as well. I went to the general doctor for a wellness exam and had vitamin levels, blood pressure, etc. checked and then my obgyn for my annual exam and her advice as well. So everything I mentioned above was approved by my doctors (obviously - eating healthy, exercising, etc.) but it was also reassuring to get a big green light. I have also heard you should go to the dentist before because oral infections can be very dangerous and you can't have surgery (like molars removed) during pregnancy. We already go twice a year so I wasn't worried about making an extra visit just for pre-ttc. 
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  • barefootbluejean204barefootbluejean204 member
    FemShep said:
    First and foremost, you need to respect your H's wishes. You've discussed the matter, he's said he's not ready yet, you've agreed to start trying in April. Don't try to force him into trying earlier; a few short months isn't worth your H not being 100% comfortable and committed to the biggest life decision you can make. In terms of how long it may take to establish regular cycles, there's no way to tell in advance. Some women re-establish their cycles immediately, others take months to do so. So long as you're ovulating, even if your cycles aren't regular, you can still get pregnant. I agree with PP that it's best to continue to stay on BC of some sort until you're (both) ready to start trying. In the meantime, read Taking Charge of Your Fertility so you better understand how your body works, and focus on getting in the best health possible with exercise and a great diet.
    @jb123111 @FemShep Umm, it's great that he is on the same page for wanting to start trying a few months from now! Don't push it! My husband is thinking several years longer than me before we start trying so I am just trying to bide my time waiting. We've had several long discussions and I have done everything I can do to tell him that I will never push him, or make him feel pressured, into having a child when he isn't into it. I want to make sure he always knows that he comes first before talk of a baby and that I love him and am happy with him, I don't want him to think that I'm just miserable and depressed without a baby(which I am not and don't want to appear that way if I start crying like if someone is pregnant on tv or something). I think that's important to keep as a priority. (Not judging you at all, just saying how I have done it so far) So please keep my story in mind as you are dealing with your hubby.

    imageimage

    -Waiting for DH to be on board for TTC...discuss again in a year-
    Anniversary

     

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  • jb123111jb123111 member
    For the record, I never stated that I was pressuring him into anything sooner, so great job ladies for assuming that.  All I was asking for was how to handle my feelings about it and how to go about coming of BC and taking prenatal vitamins. @TheCraftyKoala, thank you for your advice and for being non-judgmental.  It was most appreciated.
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  • jb123111jb123111 member
    edited December 2013
    @Kimbus22 I am sorry that my post came across in that manner and that maybe my last reply came across as rude.  I am by no means trying to push him into it sooner.
    If I could correct the wording possibly....We do have an agreement to begin trying in April, and I know that it's not going to be any earlier, however I wish it could be.  I feel like we are more than ready and am not certain why my DH is hesitant.  We have worked through the numbers many many times and are more than able to support a child.  I see the way that he interacts with kids and he is great. Our friends just had a baby this past week and he talks about having kids with other people.  He even mentioned to me that he agreed with me that he will probably want it even more after seeing the baby.  I feel like I get one thing one day and something different the next.  I kind of feel like it is a roller coaster of emotion and confusion.  I am very new to all of this and am just looking for help.
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  • Jags8Jags8 member
    @jb123111
    Don't be too hard on him for changing his mind on a daily basis. Sometimes I can totally see myself being a mom rightthissecond, and then suddenly I'm like "Whoa! So glad I don't have kids yet! I love my freedom!" And I've learned from other ladies here that they go back and forth too.
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  • JemmaWRXJemmaWRX member
    edited December 2013
    A kid requires a lot more than just financial preparedness. It's a big commitment, it changes your lives forever. Give him his time and don't read too much into the flip-flopping.  Because regardless of what he says, how good he is with kids, the bottom line is you two agreed to April.  Unless he comes to you between now and then and says "Let's start now", you table the conversation until April.  Be patient and respect his wishes.

    Whether or not you stay on birth control is a decision you two need to make.  If you go off BC I would suggest using an alternate form of BC or charting your BBT to avoid your fertile window.   

    In the meantime, do your best to shake off the baby-crazy.  Make a baby bucket list - do things now that you can't do when you have a kid.  Travel, go to bars, go out with friends, pick up a new hobby, etc.

    Good luck.

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  • cookiedough22cookiedough22 member
    I'm confused. How is he being hesitant when you agreed to start trying in April? I think you're reading into his behavior a little too much.
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  • jb123111jb123111 member
    When I say my DH is hesitant I mean that there is something holding him back from TTC.  Even though we have said April we will start, there is something holding him back from being 100% in.  I feel like he is more in the 80-90ish% range.  I know that we both made the commitment to April and he will uphold that commitment, just not sure why I am not seeing that 100% and why the hesitation.
    Maybe most men are like this?  My BFF said her husband was the same way.
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  • barelybarely member
    I completely understand. With that being said, you both have to be 100% ready. If you're ready now then you will really be readying April! I would, however, recommend getting of BCP now and using an alternative form of BC since it can take a long time for your body to regulate after bcp ( trust me I know and am regretting not getting off bcp sooner). And it's never too early to start prenatals! They will only prepare your body for pregnancy later!
    TTC since 5/13
    BFP 1/23 
    MMC 3/4
    D&C-3/12 
    Currently NTNP
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  • DucktaleDucktale member
    I dunno OP, all your posts just make it sound like you're having issues communicating with him. Just talk to him. That's going to give you way more answers than speculating with Internet strangers. You think something is holding him back? ASK HIM.
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