Loss Check-In

Noethola · December 2013

***Siggy warning***

Welcome to the checkin! (Hope you are doing okay Mrs Nice. Havent seen you for a few weeks.)

I am sorry to have to welcome new loss moms this week but am so glad that you have found us. I hope we can bring each other some much needed comfort and support. Please feel free to join in when you are ready and share as much or as little as you wish. Also, if you have any questions you would like answered, just ask! Any lurkers out there please don't be shy, we would like to be able to support you too.

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

QOTW: Is there a special way you are thinking about remembering your angel this year and incorporating them into the holidays? Special remembrance ornament? Special tradition you want to do? Etc?

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

stefuge · December 2013

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
I honestly don't feel that this week was especially productive. I've been pretty depressed all week and am struggling with envy and jealousy of all the happy pregnant ladies that seem to be everywhere. I just feel over it and don't want to accept that this the new normal.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
First, to get through the holidays. After that, I have a follow up appointment with my doctor in January to go over the next step for TTCAL, so that should be good. I've been feeling a lot of anger towards my doctor, so I think i need to talk with her and work through it. I know it was not her fault, but when I am in the mood and trying to place blame, it usually falls back on either her or me, and I want to know that if we decide to try for another baby, that she is on our side and will do everything possible for us.

QOTW: Is there a special way you are thinking about remembering your angel this year and incorporating them into the holidays? Special remembrance ornament? Special tradition you want to do? Etc?
We've hung a few ornaments for Colton - a pair of angel wings, a little turquoise elephant with "baby's first Christmas" on it (his nursery was turquoise, yellow, and gray with elephants so when I found this ornament it felt meant for him), and then one I had made with his name, footprints, and birthdate. I also hung his stocking, because it felt wrong not to, and have been signing cards and gift tags with our names and a little heart for him. It really bothered me to not include him on cards, but I didn't know if I wanted to put his name, so the little heart is significant enough for me but also subtle. We also had framed prints made for our parents and siblings with a quote that we like and his name and birthdate, something for our families to have out in honor of him. I would like to donate toys or clothes, but that might be a future tradition. This year I don't feel up to even shopping for baby things, but hopefully in the future, that would be a nice thing to do in his honor.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?
I'm tired. Work is busy, holidays are busy. Some days I feel this really strong urge to just climb in bed and pull the covers over my head.

irons633 · December 2013

*****ipad post**** Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? No just continuing my support groups and seeing my therapist. What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Preparing to take my prereq's for nursing school and getting testing done to be able to find out what our next course of action will be to start trying again. I'm on BC for the next 6 months

angelsnight · December 2013

Ticker warning

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I don't feel like my loss in linear...some weeks are better and I can remember Kayla with a smile, but other weeks I completely fall apart over everything. But I guess that is grief in a nutshell.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Kayla is buried in the hospital's angel garden of the cemetery, and they have events through out the year for parents. In a couple weeks they are having a candlelight vigil at the cemetery....so far we haven't attended any of the events, but I really want to go to this one. I honestly don't think I could go alone, so MH and I going together is what will help me achieve that goal.

QOTW: Is there a special way you are thinking about remembering your angel this year and incorporating them into the holidays? Special remembrance ornament? Special tradition you want to do? Etc? We decided that whatever money we would have spent on Kayla's presents, we would like to donate each year to a children's charity. I think this year will be St. Jude. My MIL told me the other day she got us a little angel ornament with Kayla's name on it, and we also got new stockings this year....we used to have crappy dollar store ones, so I ordered nice ones with our names embroidered (mom and dad for us) and one for Kayla. We're too superstitious to get one for our rainbow since she isn't here yet, but it broke my heart to think of someday having multiple earth babies and not having a stocking for Kayla.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Just how unfair it is. This was supposed to be Kayla's first Christmas. We have been blessed and it won't be as horrible as I once anticipated it to be, but I'm still so sad and angry that she cannot be here with us.

sunflwra · December 2013

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? Preparing to go back to work next week. It's going to suck but I think the distraction will be helpful and I just have to get through 2 weeks before I can be out again for a week with my family.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Do my best to get through Monday and don't be hard on myself if I break down. A goal I realized today was focusing on my daughter today. It's her 2nd birthday and as excited as I've been the last few days preparing- this morning it hit me that her little brother isn't with us to share it. I know he wouldn't have been born yet, but I think most of you know what I mean. I also remembered the Charlie Brown doll I got her for her birthday along wtih the Charlie Brown Christmas book. I try to get her a Christmas book each year and I thought the doll would be great way to start talking about boy babies, since all of hers are girls. I totally forgotten about it until I was wrapping gifts yesterday- just one of those things that pops out at us as reminders. We're keeping busy- going to get our tree, decorating and celebrating her birthday today and tomorrow- so trying to put the focus on those things.

QOTW: Is there a special way you are thinking about remembering your angel this year and incorporating them into the holidays? Special remembrance ornament? Special tradition you want to do? Etc? I was buying charm bracelets for my mother and mother in law and ended up buying one for myself with an angel wing and quote charm that says "I carried you every second of your life and I'll love you every second of mine". I'm still thinking about whether or not to do an ornament- I think we probably will. I'm a little worried that my mother-in-law has sent us some sort of rememberance ornament as well. I have no issue with doing one myself, but I'm a little put off by someone else giving one to me- not sure why, maybe that it should be our choice.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Also- found out that my cat is dying, she's 13 but it's still very sad and I'm probably even more upset because my daughter loves her- what a craptastic November and December this has been. Hopefully things will start looking up

shandorfml2 · December 2013

Hi ladies,

The holidays have been hard. I've put some things away....like her dried flowers I put them in an album. I took the baby monitor still plugged in in our room, that I haven't touched since placing it there in Feburary. I put it in her room. So, I've made some small progress that way...

I've lost some weight, which is great and my doc wanted me to do before TTC. I have 1 month left of birth control and we will be trying again. Very happy about that!

For the holidays we are going to get a family ordiment. We will visit and decorate her grave, light a candle for her and Im sure shed plenty of tears

mingaling2 · December 2013

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
Trying to reconnect with DH. It has been tense since our disagreement. I think we are in a better place now.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

I need to decide if we are going to TTC or if I need more time and should go on bc. I have been avoiding making this decision and don't know what to do, really. I feel stupid being so careless about it, though. Ugh.

QOTW: Is there a special way you are thinking about remembering your angel this year and incorporating them into the holidays? Special remembrance ornament? Special tradition you want to do? Etc?

We had a sweet little ornament made for her. I also was able to have something printed on the backside of our holiday cards to commemorate her.

stefuge · December 2013

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
Trying to reconnect with DH. It has been tense since our disagreement. I think we are in a better place now.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
I need to decide if we are going to TTC or if I need more time and should go on bc. I have been avoiding making this decision and don't know what to do, really. I feel stupid being so careless about it, though. Ugh.

QOTW: Is there a special way you are thinking about remembering your angel this year and incorporating them into the holidays? Special remembrance ornament? Special tradition you want to do? Etc?
We had a sweet little ornament made for her. I also was able to have something printed on the backside of our holiday cards to commemorate her.

I love what you wrote on your cards, and the ornament is so sweet.

VyD81 · December 2013

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? No, found myself crying more this week. I'm planning to attend the local support group again on Tuesday.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Trying to get back on a working out routine to get healthier.

QOTW: Is there a special way you are thinking about remembering your angel this year and incorporating them into the holidays? Special remembrance ornament? Special tradition you want to do? Etc? We're going to get a little Christmas tree to place by Raynor's memorial site.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? EDD is on Wednesday, having a hard time coping as I should be bringing home a baby instead of mourning.

sunflwra · December 2013

stefuge said:

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
Trying to reconnect with DH. It has been tense since our disagreement. I think we are in a better place now.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
I need to decide if we are going to TTC or if I need more time and should go on bc. I have been avoiding making this decision and don't know what to do, really. I feel stupid being so careless about it, though. Ugh.

QOTW: Is there a special way you are thinking about remembering your angel this year and incorporating them into the holidays? Special remembrance ornament? Special tradition you want to do? Etc?
We had a sweet little ornament made for her. I also was able to have something printed on the backside of our holiday cards to commemorate her.

I love what you wrote on your cards, and the ornament is so sweet.

Ditto- love it!

mingaling2 · December 2013

@sunflwra I'm sorry about your kitty

bunnybun4 · December 2013

Hi Ladies, I am a little late to the check in. Hope you are all doing ok during the holidays. Thinking of you all.

Have you Taken Any new steps towards healing?I have been crying a lot...but it is still a lot different than my other losses. I just don't feel as in despair and as hopeless as the last two times which I am so thankful for but it still just feels strange not being as upset as I thought my third loss would make me. I've been super emotional but for the most part it is "productive" emotional (if that makes any sense...I feel like I am flushing out the emotions in a healthy way I guess)

We have our first meeting With an RE this afternoon for repeat loss testing. I am so ready to figure something out and to get some good news. so I guess in a weird way I am excited about the appt. today.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to achieve it?just want to make it through the holidays and to start enjoying life more and not be obsessed with having a rainbow like I have been for the past year. I want to live for the moment and not dwell too much on the past and future.

QOTW? She has an ornament we had gotten last year before we even lost her. DH and I hung it on the tree together. I've been talking about her a lot. This would be her first christmas and it really hurts to think about how it should be.

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