I'm here from the April 14 board :(

agallagher1981 · December 2013

Hi ladies, I can't believe Ive made it to this board but here I am. I feel all that's left of me after a rough week is a shell of a woman. The life has literally being drained out of me. I will try to keep thus brief. My NT scan all came back normal, at 20 week scan a calcium deposit was noticed on my baby's heart, I was advised not to be too concerned but that I should go for further testing as this is a soft marker for DS. I did Materni21 test that same day & this past Monday (also my 32nd birthday) I got the devastating news our baby tested positive for trisomy 21. I was given the option of going for further testing to confirm so I did the amniocentesis Tuesday & today the news was confirmed our baby has DS. I am 23 weeks today & we are heartbroken. After an agonizing week of researching & discussing our options we have come to the decision to terminate. Please don't judge me & I hope you can understand our choice. From what I've just read on this board a lot of you girls didn't have a choice & many of your babies hearts just stopped beating r had other complications & I'm terribly sorry for everyone of you & your situations. I am scheduled to begin the D&E on Tuesday. This all feels so surreal & I'm angry, guilty , sad, lost, lonely, asking why us ? Just looking to vent & hear some thoughts. This is my first pregnancy, will I ever have a normal pregnancy again?

irons633 · December 2013

First I am sorry for what you and your DH had to decide. It has to be hard to have to make the decision to terminate your child. I unfortunately don't have the advice to tell you about successful pregnancies because I have suffered two late losses. But I do know that women successfully had other pregnancies and they delivered Healy babies . Has your OB referred you to a MFM as well as for you and your hubby to undergo genetic testing?

agallagher1981 · December 2013

Thank you for response. So sorry to hear about your losses

No she hasn't referred us yet to a generic counsellor. She broke news today to me over the phone which all felt a little rushed. As you can imagine everything is still a blur so I plan to give her a call on Monday just to go over some questions I may have. I will certainly ask her about genetics counsellor.

irons633 · December 2013

Your very welcome. Yes ask her about that, I will see a MFM on the 20th for blood work to find out why I have lost two babies late in pregnancy. From the ladies on the TTCAL board a lot of them have dealings with a genetics counselor. Also if you don't mind me asking did they do the first or second tri screenings on you?

OSUWifey09 · December 2013

***SIGGY WARNING/pregnancy mentioned***

I'm so, so sorry. There is no judging here; you are doing what's best for you and your baby, and I know that must have been such a hard, heartbreaking decision to make.

I lost my son at 34w4d due to placental abruption caused by trauma [I had a fall and did not know my placenta had ruptured until it was too late]. I'm currently 34w pregnant with our rainbow, and things look good so far...but I've had extra monitoring from my OB and was assigned to an MFM to monitor things as well. My hope is that, when you're ready, you will be able to see both your OB and an MFM to do testing and figure out your next steps. I have no advice when it comes to genetic testing or anything like that, since my loss wasn't caused by that. But several women on this board have had their rainbow babies or are currently pregnant, so maybe others have advice.

Again, I'm so sorry to welcome you here. We're here when you need us. It's OK to be angry, hurt, scared, sad...that's all very normal. I know you have a very hard road ahead of you, so please try to be gentle with yourself and lean on us when you need to. This board helped me get through my loss, and I hope we can do the same for you. **HUGS**

jess123456 · December 2013

Big hugs to you. You have come to a very supportive place. We lost our daughter to a different trisomy last year but I do know the heartbreak of this kind of diagnosis and I am so sorry. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

agallagher1981 · December 2013

Irons 633 - yes they did the NT scan st 11 weeks & blood work which came back normal with a 1/4000 chance of DS. When the calcium deposit was found in heart at 20 weeks my chances for DS were cut to 1/2000. I then went for Materni21 which showed positive & the FISH results from amnio came back yesterday 99.9% for mosaic Down syndrome. Of course the full amnio result will not be back for another week but I only have until tues to terminate otherwise I'm past the cut off for a termination. The geneic screening told my obgyn there are completely sure this is not a "normal fetus" but will not know the severity of the DS until end of next week. I just woke up & I'm feeling a lot worse than yesterday. I think I was in shock yesterday & reality of it all has hit this morning. I am feeling our little babies flutters & it's just killing me

mingaling2 · December 2013

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. There is no judging here. You are experiencing profound heartbreak and I hope you can come here again and again for support.

Noethola · December 2013

***Siggy warning***

I am so very sorry for your impending loss. Wish there were more words of comfort I could give, but there really are no words.

VyD81 · December 2013

I'm so sorry you are going through this, there's no judgment here, we understand. I'm also the same age and lost my first pregnancy. Sending you T&P as you go through the process.

sunflwra · December 2013

So sorry for you going through this. I was part of the April 2014 but didn't get to participate much. Lost my DS at our 20 week anatomy scan with no heartbeat. I can't speak to the genetic testing portion (we did genetic testing early in my pregnancy due to my age and have an initial determination that it wasn't a factor in our loss- likely a cord accident) but I'm one that absolutely feels that Information is power, so I would highly recommend asking your OB about it and what steps will be taken for future pregnancies, etc. Take things day by day and let your body react as it needs to. I barely cried at my appointment when we were told of the loss and felt like something was wrong with me for not reacting. Over the next days and weeks, I bawled often- i was definitely in shock that first day. Take care of yourself.

BrittianyM · December 2013

This breaks my heart. Not passing any judgment but I don't agree with your decision. Sorry you are going through this and you do have the right to make your own decision for you and your family. Wish you peace with your decision.

Dixon813 · December 2013

~~Siggy Warning~~

I'm so sorry to welcome you to this board (I'm from your BMB). You will find nothing but support here in whatever form you need, whenever you need it.

I met a friend in a loss group (IRL) who's baby girl had Trisomy 18, and she, too, had to make this decision. I'm sorry anyone has to face this decision.

Many prayers to you and your DH

shandorfml2 · December 2013

Sorry to welcome you here. There are other ladies who have had to make that terrible decison, I have one in my local support group.

stefuge · December 2013

I am so sorry to welcome you to the board. These ladies are a great source of support, and we are here if you need us.

diamante1181 · December 2013

I can only hope you find peace with the decision you have made, and that you have strength to go forward.

bunnybun4 · December 2013

I just sent you a pm!

CRUN2012 · December 2013

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I can't imagine having to make that kind of a decision and I respect you for doing what you feel is best for your family. I would recommend the book "Empty Cradle, Broken Heart". May you find peace in your decision.

Carolee · December 2013

I'm so sorry you find yourself here. Welcome to the board.

jess123456 · February 2014

kodiak87 said:
This bullshit should be illegal. I'm sorry. But really?

I don't usually comment when I see messages like this but I really need to. I understand that you might have different feelings about this but the poster here was not coming to this board to be bashed or judged but rather for support and that is what I love so much about this board. A simple I am sorry is just fine.

jonahsma · February 2014

kodiak87 said:

This bullshit should be illegal. I'm sorry. But really?

MCH77 · February 2014

OP: Tons of love if you see this. I hope you are healing. ((Hugs))

cdale86 · February 2014

***Siggy Warning***

I am so sorry for what you are going through and I too pray that you find peace with your decision and healing.

mileswithmyles · February 2014

kodiak87 said:
This bullshit should be illegal. I'm sorry. But really?

Signature warning

As a graduate of the Loss community, I find your post offensive. For someone who is white knighting on the third tri board over bullying, you sure are being a bully to a mother who obviously had to make a heart breaking decision. The Loss board is a place no one wants to find themselves and they don't need your judgmental bullshit. You can go to hell.

OP, I'm sorry this asshole bumped your post and I hope you have found some peace.

veetveet · February 2014

jess123456 said:

This bullshit should be illegal. I'm sorry. But really?
I don't usually comment when I see messages like this but I really need to. I understand that you might have different feelings about this but the poster here was not coming to this board to be bashed or judged but rather for support and that is what I love so much about this board. A simple I am sorry is just fine.

Or just don't say anything at all.

Absolutely Disgusting.

jonahsma · February 2014

Dear Kodiak87 I usually don't respond to your type of comments..we usually don't see comments like yours here..however I feel that I need to speak up for our women...this board is full of non judgemental supportive women who have been through traumatic experiences. The last thing any of us need to hear is negativity. As loss moms we pour out our hearts and tears only for Support not to be judged Or ridiculed. We like to welcome with open arms and hearts. Please keep the negativity to yourself. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and I'm sorry you feel this way.I pray you find compassion and peace in your heart.

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