Putting newborn on schedules & Spoiling baby?

DonnaRitax3 · December 2013

FTM Here,

I've been told by a few friends to start putting my daughter on a schedule, she is a month old this week! As for a schedule she sleeps when she wants and wakes up to eat when she wants, I've tried to keep her awake sometimes so she will sleep longer at night but it doesn't work she seems to sleep no matter what position i have her in. I do give her a bath everynight around 9pm to make sure she knows that routine it also helps keep her up a little bit in hopes she will sleep longer during the nightime. What else would you suggest to keep her on a schedule?

Also, I've been told you cannnot technically "spoil" a baby, I'm just concerned that because she doesn't like to sleep in her bassinet at night but rather next to me that i'm creating the habit for her to not sleep alone, is this possible?

taraleanne · December 2013

For starters I wouldn't keep her up at night.... put that baby to bed when she's tired. I am pretty sure most of the people here would agree 1 month is WAY TOO YOUNG to put baby on a schedule. Just work at making sure she knows daytime from nighttime but do NOT keep her awake in hopes she will sleep longer. An overtired baby will NOT sleep and you will be very very sorry.

And no, you can't spoil a 1 month old. She's way too young for that.

I'm a FTM too, I understand your concerns but when your baby gets older and you've been through a few growth spurts with her, you're going to see that a schedule is a bad bad idea. I don't know why your friends are suggesting that. There's a lot of reasons why a schedule for a newborn is a bad bad idea.

I really think you should just keep doing what you are doing, let her sleep and eat when she wants to, she knows what she needs to thrive but by putting her on a schedule this young, you could do some serious manipulation. Also, baby will put herself on a loose schedule as she gets older.... you might not like that schedule but maybe when she's older you can gently change that but NOT NOW, please don't do that now.

However, you can develop a bit of a routine in the next couple of months - it will just sort of fall into place to be honest.... you don't have to DO anything. Have a bedtime routine and that's about all you need to do right now. Your baby's sleep and eating needs are going to change so much over the next couple of months- a schedule would also be pointless!! Are your friends who are suggesting this have older children? Did they forget what the first few months are like??? Sorry...but no schedule... roll with the punches and your baby will thrive and you will see things will fall into place on their own.

SharonB222 · December 2013

STM here. I am very schedule oriented, but only apply that to newborns that at night I use low light and don't talk. It was obvious when my DD my ready to fit a schedule without much fuss, still I allowed flexibility. Heck, my 2yo who always goes down for a nap easily didn't today (remedied by 10 min with her; thank you DS for "waiting" for his next unsecured feed). GL!

shannoncorrin · December 2013

My little guy is 7 weeks old and I have been striving for an eat play sleep routine since day one and I'm very glad I have. It's more of routine than a schedule. It wasn't until week 5 that he became predictable. I would suggest reading babywise and the baby whisperer. The nice thing about your day having structure is you can better figure out what your baby needs and you can actually make plans. I think it helps the baby feel more secure as well because they learn what is coming

tisunge602 · December 2013

I'm a FTM with a two-week-old so feel free to take with a grain of salt, but I've found Lucie's List to have great advice when it comes to this topic.

https://www.lucieslist.com/your-life

We are pretty loose with LO's schedule, but we do wake him from naps during the day to feed every 3 hours and we let him sleep longer at night. Even though he is only two weeks old, he already has his days and nights figured out.

Hmoffat1 · December 2013

I have a 7 week old and have also been using the Babywise method. I agree with you 100%! My girl and I do better with a predictable routine.

ILoveBoys · December 2013

I did a 3 hour feeding schedule from the time all of mine were born (barring growth spurts, etc). That really helped a ton with my sanity bc with everything that is unpredictable in a baby- THAT was predictable. Past that, baby made their own routine except I made sure their days/nights weren't mixed up.

You cannot spoil an infant. You CAN get them used to things being a certain way. But not spoil.

taraleanne · December 2013

shannoncorrin said:

My little guy is 7 weeks old and I have been striving for an eat play sleep routine since day one and I'm very glad I have. It's more of routine than a schedule. It wasn't until week 5 that he became predictable. I would suggest reading babywise and the baby whisperer. The nice thing about your day having structure is you can better figure out what your baby needs and you can actually make plans. I think it helps the baby feel more secure as well because they learn what is coming

I read the baby whisperer when my son was born and while I did get alot of good ideas from it (particularly on soothing and putting LO to sleep) I found the idea of eat, sleep, play to be fantastic, but it was not at all realistic for a newborn. I agree that babies feel more secure with a routine, and routine is good, absolutely, but having a set schedule for a newborn seems crazy to me. Eat, Play, Sleep is great - but it's not really realistic. Newborns are growing at an amazing rate. Sometimes my LO would Eat, Play, Eat, Sleep, Play, Sleep, Eat... etc.. there are all sorts of wild things that get in the way of eat, play, sleep -repeat. Sometimes you can't get your baby to sleep before s(he) needs to eat again!! If I was to hold strict to that routine in a newborn, I'd be depriving him of a basic need!! I think this routine needs to be done very loosely and quite frankly, as soon as I put down the bloody book, I was less stressed about the routine, my baby was happier because his needs were met when HE needed them met and not when I needed them met and then by 3/4 months old he set that routine himself anyway!! Did I encourage that routine, probably, but very loosely- always letting his cues guide our day. I'm glad this is working for you, but I really think people need to take caution with this stuff. There is a lot of negative research with babywise too. Having read it, it's so unrealistic. At least in my case it was, ha, maybe I just had a difficult baby but where I come from people don't set schedules for newborns. They do it for the older baby.

OP: please don't be so rigid in your routine or schedule that you would try to "hold off" feeds to condition your child to a clock. I'm telling you, it will all fall in to place. I honestly don't know why people stress about this stuff. Schedules are for older babies. My DS at nearly 6m, I wouldn't dream of putting him on a schedule any earlier than now and even then it would be close to what he's already doing on his own.

shannoncorrin · December 2013

I absolutely am not rigid and feed LO when he needs. It was a work in progress to get him on a routine (not a set in stone schedule). It took 5 weeks for him to catch on. At first I just tried to separate his feeds from his naps with a diaper change. If he didn't fall asleep soon and get a good nap I would have to reverse the order. Because of this he falls asleep on his own and doesn't need to be nursed to sleep ( which isn't healthy in the long run). You have to use your own judgement and do it your way.

taraleanne · December 2013

Shannon, re: nursing to sleep - long run, yes that can be a bad habit BUT not for a 7 week old and certainly not a baby any younger. I don't know what's too old cause my son stopped doing it at 2.5 months on his own. But mothers of newborns should not be discouraged from nursing to sleep. That is NOT a habit in a newborn and it's completely healthy for them to wake to eat and thus nurse back to sleep. I honestly don't know why a mother of a newborn would even worry about those kinds of things. It's not a habit for a long long time. Read more: https://evolutionaryparenting.com/the-snooze-traps/#ixzz2mk2llMzU .

taraleanne · December 2013

Exactly what @msspeedymarie said: The most important thing I've learned in the past four months is to relax and roll with it.

Thinking back, as soon as I put down the books and the "rules" and was just being with my baby, meeting his needs and savouring our bond, is when I become more relaxed and he become happier. I don't know why mothers of newborns worry about "habits", "schedules" and etc... I say that because I used to be one of them - what a damn waste of my time! They change so damn quick. Those first few months should just be relaxed. I wasted time reading books when I should have been sleeping myself! Or bonding with my baby. It all falls into place anyway and when they are older you can worry about schedules and stuff.

shannoncorrin · December 2013

Lordy, I feed my baby when he wants and needs. It's not the same time every day. He is growing like a weed and healthy and generally happy. I change his diaper and play with him before nap time. Our lives are predictable and I'm happy about that. I don't understand why this is a terrible thing.

taraleanne · December 2013

shannoncorrin said:

Lordy, I feed my baby when he wants and needs. It's not the same time every day. He is growing like a weed and healthy and generally happy. I change his diaper and play with him before nap time. Our lives are predictable and I'm happy about that. I don't understand why this is a terrible thing.

It's not, that's good

Routine is good....a set schedule with a newborn is not so good. (IMO)

texasmommie · December 2013

tisunge602 said:

I'm a FTM with a two-week-old so feel free to take with a grain of salt, but I've found Lucie's List to have great advice when it comes to this topic.
https://www.lucieslist.com/your-life

We are pretty loose with LO's schedule, but we do wake him from naps during the day to feed every 3 hours and we let him sleep longer at night. Even though he is only two weeks old, he already has his days and nights figured out.

JEALOUS JEALOUS JEALOUS! lol.

313Meg · December 2013

You can't spoil a newborn. And I think consistency is positive (depending on circumstances) but there will be very little schedule at this point. Your babe is figuring this new world out. Don't have expectations that's my big recommendation. Follow your baby's cues and DONT worry about spoiling. I started w bath time around 6-7 at night but it didn't always work that way! Now at 3 months things go smoother but still aren't always predictable.

Allow your baby to tell you what she needs and when she needs it. Things will fall into place. Then you can worry about where and when your baby sleeps. Go with the flow a little longer. That's my opinion.

slh6363 · December 2013

I think following a strict schedule is very different then a routine of sorts, especially if you follow LOs lead. Spoiling no, however IMO sleeping in bed with you could become a habit that is hard to break as LO gets older.

kelli&dave · December 2013

starting to get into a loosely planned routine is great and may help ease into a good schedule later. but i'd also say, one month is a little young for a rigid schedule. follow her lead, respond to her cues (however erratic they may be) and try to build her schedule based on the patterns you see. i'm just beginning to make sense of my 7 week old's habits and patterns, but remember they are always subject to change. at this stage, just keep your little one happy. there's no spoiling an infant. just make them feel loved.

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